alexa137 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 when will this feeling pass? the missing, the thinking about the ex? its so annoying! i realize that if im busy, its not too bad, but if im bored at home, it sucks! which is 90% of my days! especially if i am on the computer, waiting for a response for him. its been a month that i have seen him, i just want to go tp sleep and wake up like next year! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!
smudge21 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I want to go back in time and talk myself out of ever meeting her... things were just so simple before all this. I really don't know how long it takes to heal. Thought I was fine after 6 months no contact but then a recent bit of contact and some news I didn't want to hear, and I'm back to square one. I'm not going to offer any advice as you're asking a question that can't be answered. You heal when you heal. Just try to stay busy as much as you can and gain strength from knowing you're not alone. Right here with you...
Author alexa137 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I just hate that he didnt tell me why he just stopped talking to me, i was dumb and after 3 weeks of NC i sent him a message over the weekend, which made it worse, and still dont get a reason, he did say hi hows it goin and a few more responses, but when it comes to answering my questions about our relationship etc,, nope no answer! i would think if i say i will leave you alone if you just tell me what the deal was then he would answer! its just mind boggling! well, its kinda hard to keep busy, with no job, no money etc...nowthat summer is over its gonna be so much worse! I have even considered going to a counselor to find out whats wrong with me! why cant i trust, why cant i keep a man? and alot more other questions and problems. i know i have to stop sending messages, makes me look desperate and dumb. I just want an answer! i asked to forgive me, and maybe give me another chance, maybe a fresh start, or should i give up? no response! then i said today: do you hate me? it hurts that you ignore me, i thought you liked me, Ive tried but for some reason i cant forget you, please just tell me the truth and i will leave you alone! no response seriously, i asked him this 3 weeks ago and no answer, how can someone be so mean? IMO i would answer another persons question pertaining someone that i had an intimate and dating relationship with, and spent alot of time with, etc... ugh! i regret everything i said to him that made us break up, and am trying so hard to be a better person. I just dont have interest in anyone else and its depressing. i could go on and on...but i wont makes me cry
smudge21 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 You may never get the answers to those questions... in fact, even if he did give you a response, it may never truly explain everything. People just change. My ex and I still get along great and we still have feelings for each other, but sadly, nothing more will happen there. I don't fully know why, I think there's things in her past which affect her choices, but I doubt I'll ever know the full truth. Sometimes it's best just to move on and accept that there are things our of our control, and no matter what we do, we can never alter them. Go see a councellor and talk this through as I do think you have many more questions that need answering. There's no shame in asking for help.
Author alexa137 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 well i finally got my response, i feel a little(very) bit better, but it still sucks, this was the response: "I enjoy spending time with u also but its not gonna work as a couple with me and u i ignored u for that period of time cuse i was going through some things with the house and everything. Your not a bad person at all. So if you want to be friends we can or if thats too much for you i understand. ugh!!!!!!! gonna be alone probably for another 6 yrs
shortee143 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Oh those exes stick around in your mind way longer than they are welcome, no matter what we try haha. In the 5 months post breakup, I have thought of him daily. We see each other a few times a month, have about 40 mutual friends...and I watched him move on to his new gf without a care in the world for me, and I too never got any answers. I see him, and will always wonder why and what happened. But sometimes when we get some vague answers, it just ends up leaving us with more questions! I still have so much to say and ask him...but then I realize I dont think it even matters (not to say all that thinking cant drive one mad!). Like smudge said, there is no real answer on how to stop missing, feeling, thinking, etc...but eventually your brain gets itself in order, I promise. I see my ex all the time and even my brain is finally getting the "hey he dumped you, hes a jerk, and he has a new gf!". I still miss him, but I miss the old him I knew, and it pains me to think of him that way, but I slowly realize it isnt who he is anymore.
Author alexa137 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 thank god he moved to another town about 15 mins away! i dont see him( wee because i dont go anywhere), and i removed him from my facebook page about 3 weeks ago, i will get through it like i did 6 yrs ago with my previous ex, im just so tired of the same things happening over and over and over again! but dont worry, im so done! i dont want to add anymore to my list so i will just keep to myself! alone=no drama no heartache!
Rorschach64 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Alexa, the feelings of hope, longing, and other such wonderful gooey depressing feelings will fade in time. It will be a roller coaster, to best describe it. I currently am at 1~2 months NC, can't recall the number, but I think about my ex fiancee still a decent amount and still check my online communication thingers to see if I would get the long saught after message of reconcilation, but alas nothing has come and each day with no contact makes me realize that it is just a fool's dream. There is no set amount of time to forgetting the person or the events with that person, but you have to realize a few things to help the process of moving on. You are a unique and highly desirable person You are NOT, I repeat, NOT doomed to obsecurity and loneliness You WILL find another human companion You have no choice but to go forward and beseige the tasks of life
fetish1980 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 After my most recent relapse which has lasted a couple of weeks now, i may not be really in a position to give advice, so take it with the grain of salt. We all go through the pain of missing our exes, especially in lonely times. For months, i had been doing great, keeping busy with a 2nd job, and then bam! 6 months post break up, i'm finding myself reminiscing of the old times. Why? Because i'm realizing that i'm moving further away from what used to be familiar and what was the anchor of our lives. Alexa137 how long were you too together? And how long have you been apart? The longer you're with someone, the harder it is to let go. But it's never good to stay stuck. I'm slowly discovering what i need to do to move forward and that's work on the "inside out", instead of the outside in. For example, when the break up first occured, i was working from the "inside-out". Reading self help books, going to gym, self esteem develoipment, building astonger relationship with GOD, and other things to develop my mind, body, and soul. Then round say May, i began to want to have fun and date. So my focus began to shift to "outside- in mode" meaning, i started getting pleasure based on who i was dating or how many friends i had. Without fully doing the inside work, all that was pleasure was just temporary. Now without those outside influences, i'm left back with myself and my same unresolved issues. So i conclusion, i said all that to say that the best way to counter this lonlieness is to be comfortable anough with yourself first and then you won't have to worry about being alone for another 6 years. fetish
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