Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ok so I met this guy a few nights ago. He is gorgeous, sweet, adorable, funny, for the first time in a LONG time I got butterflies. I've confided in a mutual friend that I like him, and he has told the same friend that he likes me. I added him on FB (made the first 'move'). He hasn't yet messaged me and its been a few days. Is it save to say 'he's just that into you'. For those that say I should message him, I feel i've made that first move. Now its his turn to retaliate shall we say. Thoughts?
Nexus One Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 There are several options. 1. He hasn't had the time to reply properly or simply hasn't been on Facebook these past few days. 2. He's playing the waiting game. 3. He's not that into you.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Cheers Nexus. * deep sigh * I really liked this one.....*drops fishing rod*
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 another female going after the wrong guy Yes but this guy gave me all the signals that he liked me, that we had a mutual thing - then it went quiet. You don't see someone as wrong when they give you all the signals that they like you too.
ASG Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Cheers Nexus. * deep sigh * I really liked this one.....*drops fishing rod* If you like him, you need to make an effort. He hasn't said anything? Then you do it! If after that he doesn't respond, then fair enough if you don't want to go any further. But so far you haven't done anything appart from adding him on FB. That is NOT a first move!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 If you like him, you need to make an effort. He hasn't said anything? Then you do it! If after that he doesn't respond, then fair enough if you don't want to go any further. But so far you haven't done anything appart from adding him on FB. That is NOT a first move! Thanks for the advice ASG. The thing is, I know that if a girl makes a lot of moves to a guy, he will accept even if he doesn't like her for attention or sex, as a general rule. If I make all the moves, he might just go along with them, without liking me. If he has to make some move, it means he actually wants to go to that effort to get to know me. Now finding him on fb and adding him is a move because it tells him I remember him and that I actually want to be in contact with him. I always message someone saying 'hi thanks for adding me' etc. It's 'facebook etiquette'. Maybe I'm judging him by my standards, but I'm quite reluctant to be the one to speak first, when I feel he hasn't even acknowledged my request. That's not to say I don't appreciate your advice and that I may soon have to use it! *sigh*
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 hes ignoring you. he doesnt like you. Well at least you are giving me an answer instead of making accusations
Feelsgoodman Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Yes but this guy gave me all the signals that he liked me, that we had a mutual thing - then it went quiet. You don't see someone as wrong when they give you all the signals that they like you too. When you really like someone, you sometimes imagine "signals" that are not really there...or take minor, ambiguous indicators of potential interest and amplify them in your mind to a point where you start thinking there's mutual chemistry. I have to ask: are you realistically in this guy's league? Be honest..
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 When you really like someone, you sometimes imagine "signals" that are not really there...or take minor, ambiguous indicators of potential interest and amplify them in your mind to a point where you start thinking there's mutual chemistry. I have to ask: are you realistically in this guy's league? Be honest.. Hi feelsgoodman. Well...its hard for me to judge how men see me, or what they think of me. I can only go by the attention I get and generally I get a lot. Someone always seems to like me and I get a lot of compliments. This guy has told our mutual friend that he likes me a lot, but so far has done nothing about it. He was also very attentive to me and polite and made a lot of effort to walk and talk with me. I see what you mean and it is perfectly possible I imagined it to coincide with my own feelings about him, but I did get a strong sense of chemistry between us which someone else remarked on as well. I'm thinking was he drunk? Just making conversation? Practicing his flirting? I would say I would be in his league...but that's hard to judge if you don't know someones type.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'm thinking was he drunk? Just making conversation? Practicing his flirting? Anything'a possible, especially if alcohol was involved. But it could also be that he's simply shy. I see no harm in sending him a message on facebook. And if he still acts lukewarm, just cut your losses.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Anything'a possible, especially if alcohol was involved. But it could also be that he's simply shy. I see no harm in sending him a message on facebook. And if he still acts lukewarm, just cut your losses. AGGG the scary part where rejection may be faced. Thanks for the advice. I might leave it until I get back from my break away and send him a message then. Thanks for the advice
Feelsgoodman Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 AGGG the scary part where rejection may be faced. Thanks for the advice. I might leave it until I get back from my break away and send him a message then. Thanks for the advice No worries. Rejection sucks, no doubt, but being in a state of limbo, wondering if the other person is interested is even worse IMO.
somethingsimple Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 You should message him. I don't know how many girls I liked who I later found out liked me to, that I never made a move on. Happened a lot in middle school to high school years, (I'm 24). But you're right, guys don't really know how to reject or at least I don't. I reject by ignoring, its the only way I know I can. For instance, a girl asked me to take her out (yes, asked), I didn't want to (for reasons being not to lead her on and not wanting to spend money, strapped for cash atm), but I said yes haha. And to me a girl adding me on facebook, tells me nothing if she's interested or not. If it was me, I would generally just wait to see if we would run into each other again, then decide from there. But who know how long you want to wait.
zengirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Sometimes I think ladies have silly ideas about what's a "first move." Adding someone on FB is a very confusing and basic "first move." Though if you've both confided in the same mutual friend and said mutual friend is a normal mutual friend, he'll hear you like him and make a move in time if he's interested. In this situation, I think I'd wait (though I'd never been in "this situation" as I would've just said I was interested in the message under the "Sent Friend Request" thing if that's how I was approaching the guy; and I wouldn't leave it to my friends to make it happen because I don't have the patience for that ****---not that it's a bad way; but you have to have the patience for it to pay off). One clear expression of interest is never desperate. Where women start looking weird is when they decide to do these silly half-hearted ones again and again. Then, it's both unclear and ineffective AND eventually begins to look a bit silly or, worse yet, sometimes desperate. Even if the guy isn't interested, men almost always appreciate a single, clear, direct expression of interest.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 You should message him. I don't know how many girls I liked who I later found out liked me to, that I never made a move on. Happened a lot in middle school to high school years, (I'm 24). But you're right, guys don't really know how to reject or at least I don't. I reject by ignoring, its the only way I know I can. For instance, a girl asked me to take her out (yes, asked), I didn't want to (for reasons being not to lead her on and not wanting to spend money, strapped for cash atm), but I said yes haha. And to me a girl adding me on facebook, tells me nothing if she's interested or not. If it was me, I would generally just wait to see if we would run into each other again, then decide from there. But who know how long you want to wait. Hi there Can I ask, what was it that made you decide not to make a move on the girls that you later found out liked you? Your comments are quite helpful. It is possible I am so delirious at how much I like this guy that I am expecting too much too soon. I am quite an impatient person.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Sometimes I think ladies have silly ideas about what's a "first move." Adding someone on FB is a very confusing and basic "first move." Though if you've both confided in the same mutual friend and said mutual friend is a normal mutual friend, he'll hear you like him and make a move in time if he's interested. In this situation, I think I'd wait (though I'd never been in "this situation" as I would've just said I was interested in the message under the "Sent Friend Request" thing if that's how I was approaching the guy; and I wouldn't leave it to my friends to make it happen because I don't have the patience for that ****---not that it's a bad way; but you have to have the patience for it to pay off). One clear expression of interest is never desperate. Where women start looking weird is when they decide to do these silly half-hearted ones again and again. Then, it's both unclear and ineffective AND eventually begins to look a bit silly or, worse yet, sometimes desperate. Even if the guy isn't interested, men almost always appreciate a single, clear, direct expression of interest. Again more helpful advice! You guys are all gold dust I see what you are saying here. My judgement of what constitutes a first move is not a universal one, and is actually a relatively passive move that doesn't reveal much. I guess i'm scared to make that direct expression of interest.
sm1tten Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I think it's a bit unfair to expect him to make an overt gesture of interest (when he may not be sure of you) but you won't do the same. Adding someone on FB is easy and not particularly meaningful, to me. I never acknowledged any of my friend requests on FB. I'm not rude, or at least not intended to be, but I never saw a point. If you are patient, let him come to you. He might not ever do that though. If you are assertive, send him a quick message. I hear what you're saying about not wanting to get sucked into some attention-whoring guy, but you don't have to make ALL the moves. Just wiggle that line a bit and see if the fish is biting, hm?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I think it's a bit unfair to expect him to make an overt gesture of interest (when he may not be sure of you) but you won't do the same. Adding someone on FB is easy and not particularly meaningful, to me. I never acknowledged any of my friend requests on FB. I'm not rude, or at least not intended to be, but I never saw a point. If you are patient, let him come to you. He might not ever do that though. If you are assertive, send him a quick message. I hear what you're saying about not wanting to get sucked into some attention-whoring guy, but you don't have to make ALL the moves. Just wiggle that line a bit and see if the fish is biting, hm? Thanks for the response. I guess its difficult for me as both guys I've been involved with in the past have been the ones to make all the effort to get me. I've known where I've stood and what they wanted from the get go. In that sense I was fortunate. They were direct guys who went for what they wanted. Its not usual for me to be the one having to make that display, and perhaps because of that i'm holding back and assuming his current lack of any 'move' means he isn't interested because he isn't being as direct or as fast as my previous 2 boyfriends. I may wiggle the line Break the comfort zone.
sm1tten Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Thanks for the response. I guess its difficult for me as both guys I've been involved with in the past have been the ones to make all the effort to get me. I've known where I've stood and what they wanted from the get go. In that sense I was fortunate. They were direct guys who went for what they wanted. Its not usual for me to be the one having to make that display, and perhaps because of that i'm holding back and assuming his current lack of any 'move' means he isn't interested because he isn't being as direct or as fast as my previous 2 boyfriends. I may wiggle the line Break the comfort zone. That's understandable; I've had the same experience. I'm used to being pursued and I had a bit of a hard time moving into being more assertive, but I realised that I was probably missing out by waiting for the guy to always make the moves. Not to mention the fact that these guys who chased me ended up being not Mr. Rights. It's intimidating to put yourself out there but the risk can be worth the reward. Besides, starting off with a FB message is kind of small compared to say, just walking up to a hot guy and giving him your number haha.
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