CAB925 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 My Ex Fiancee recently broke up out engagement last week, less than 3 months to our wedding. I was heart broken because I truly loved this woman and never saw it coming. She attributed it to poor communication and then threw in not enough sex. I agreed with the sex part and it didn't seem like something she wanted to work on much til this point. Over the course of the past few weeks I started to notice a difference in her behavior, but since we were together for over four years and I trusted her so much, I didn't have a lense to see it. She would go out late at night and hang with her new friends "only known for 4 months from her temporary job". She avoided me, had no more desire to talk, was up all times of the night on the phone talking/texting with I don't know whom. She said it was friends and her mother. Again, I was an idiot not to see the signs. I finally confronted her about everything and she said she was confused, she had concerns about the marriage, and didn't want to get married and have it fail 1 or 2 years down the line. I know that hurt me very much and still does. She had it all, maybe to much from me, financially and emotionally, we really had a lot in common and clicked. I think I trusted her too much to believe she wouldn't do anything. We eventually decided that she would move out because she was unhappy and distant. I told her I would give her a few months to get her stuff together as well as save more money for school since she was starting a MBA program in the fall. She said she would move out this weekend because she was ashamed of seeing my parents, who were coming to visit on Sunday. Ashamed?? Uh, that was odd. She also hinted during the time of her move that she hoped to get back together after she spends time apart, but I told her, no that can't happen because we took a break years ago and then got back together, and that she can't run away from her issues. Also, the days before she moved out, she keep asking why I was so nice to her and talking to her, like I was mad or something. True I was appointed, but at the time I trusted and believed she just wanted time to her self. I didn't want to turn the relationship into one of hatred. When I spoke to her about her decision to leave, I told her never to call, text, email or IM me again because I needed time to myself, but she said, you know I'm going to call you because I like the conversations we have, and I told her no, that can't happen. As I started to talk to family and friends, they all said the same thing, it was either another dude or she had interests elsewhere. As I confronted her on that, she denied and didn't want me to feed into that story but still never gave a concrete answer, her answers were very abstract. She gave back the ring Friday, and moved out Saturday, all in the same week. Now I am wondering, along with family and friends, what happened (I already believe she was cheating now after may days of reflection)? Is she going to try to come back, and if so I do I keep her away to the point where she will regret everything she did (so she doesn't do it to someone else if that's possible)? I know I'm worth more than that. And it was all thrown away without any chance to fix it. Any words of advice/wisdom are great appreciated during this difficult time. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 It's another dude. You were right to tell her not to call or text or contact you. She will probably try, like in a week sending you a text saying "how are you?" or some such stupid comment. DO NOT REPLY. Do not give her anything unless she makes a full apology for her behaviour and expresses a wish to work things out with you. Any less than that, slam the door in her face or hang up or delete the message. I'm not sure what you mean by the title of your thread, do men not respect the engagement ring any more? It seems it is your EX who did not respect the engagement ring! Link to post Share on other sites
calculus one Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 It's another dude. Shes looking for greener grass since she complained about the sex.[whats with that].Im sure she'll find some.Add some cold feet. Im sure that suddenly you feel like giving her all the sex she could ever want.Shes open to more contact."Just do it". There are lots of ways of boosting your libido if it comes to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CAB925 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 The reasoning for the title is that it takes two to tango, so even though she was wrong, I guess I am shocked that there are really guys who push on a woman with an engagement ring. (I know they do, it just hurt that it may have happened like that) Just Do It, It sounds great, but if this is the consequences of not doing it to their liking without them pushing for it (power struggle reasons) results in cheating, then do they really love or care for me and then it ain't meant to be. I'm glad that I found out now than later. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 If a miraculously progressed relationship involving her pops up in your social circle in short order, you'll have one answer. To answer your title, I don't know if she cheated and neither do you. Yes, I've respected the rings in my life history when attached women have chosen to wear them. Such respect kept me single for many years, simply due to a serious lack of ring-less fingers in my locale. She gave the ring back and moved out. Painful but quick and without drama. Small gifts. My sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 The reasoning for the title is that it takes two to tango, so even though she was wrong, I guess I am shocked that there are really guys who push on a woman with an engagement ring. (I know they do, it just hurt that it may have happened like that) Just Do It, It sounds great, but if this is the consequences of not doing it to their liking without them pushing for it (power struggle reasons) results in cheating, then do they really love or care for me and then it ain't meant to be. I'm glad that I found out now than later. No offense but the only thing we know for a fact is that she left you, so if anything, she doesn't have respect for the "ring". You don't know for sure that there's another man in the picture so your title is biased. Moreover, the first person that needed to respect the "ring" was your ex' - so if you're looking someone to blame, its her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 It may not feel like it now, but I believe you may have dodged a bullet on this one. I suspect that she did do something inappropriate with someone else and she needed to get out of your life quickly because the guilt was eating at her. You're right, you need to go NC, she called the shots with ending it with you. It's up to you to make sure it stays that way. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Just allow her to go. You're obviously not a match. Don't take her back if she decides later she wants you back. If she can't be faithful during an engagement, (and it sounds like she has not been), then it's doubtful she'll be faithful for the long haul of a marriage. Not a good candidate for a wife. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 No offense but the only thing we know for a fact is that she left you, so if anything, she doesn't have respect for the "ring". You don't know for sure that there's another man in the picture so your title is biased. Moreover, the first person that needed to respect the "ring" was your ex' - so if you're looking someone to blame, its her. The signs are there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CAB925 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Chi-town D - You couldn't of summed it up any better. Kathy M - Your right, Link to post Share on other sites
martyjones47 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Engagement ring? Men don't even respect the wedding ring, certainly not when SHE doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 a woman in love is NEVER confused. the man a woman loves is at the FOREFRONT of her interests. she doesnt love you anymore... i picked up a beta-provider vibe coming from you thats what killed her love/attraction Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Well, you don't even know if she wore her ring when she was with her OM or talking to him or was out on the town without you. So you don't even know whether he disrespected the ring or not! He might not even have known she had a BF let alone a fiancee, if she didn't wear the ring and didn't tell him. He could be perfectly innocent for all we know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CAB925 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Whammy - interesting concept that I had to research a bit. Not really sure if I fall into that category, I am definitely a provider (which is dubbed as a bad thing) and I get what I want (most of the times, which is a good thing) when I pursue it but if I threw this other information at you (and everybody else) about her relationship history, tell me if it would change your opinion/perception: 1. She doesn't have ANY relationship with her father since living with him during her teen years which he ended up shipping her to another city (with other family) to teach her a lesson because of the arguments and disagreements they had. (as told by her). She said she felt like the mom of his two kids (or her half sisters) and didn't like that at all (cleaning, helping with cooking etc). 2. Lived with her mother and step dad prior to her teen years, but tension and fights between her and her mother’s husband (step dad) triggered them to ship her to her father across the county. 3. She doesn't like her (only) older sister and says that she wouldn't even talk to her if they weren't sisters. Sad to say, but she was adamant about that. They have two different personalities and view on life, not sure why she doesn't maintain a relationship. But there is a lot of jealousy between the two. 4. Before moving out with me, she was hanging with friends that she only knew for 4 or 5 months (partying within the last few weeks with them) and said she was going to move in with one of them after leaving me. I have mentioned to her and have always believed that these key relationships could hinder the relationship and could possibly have caused psychological problems to her that she doesn't even realize, but I was too blind to see that it could cause it to turn on me. She does/doesn't believe that and didn't want to use it as an excuse. So Alpha male vs Beta male provider, great concept, but as I pull the onion peel back more, I wonder how everyone's perception is going to change. The word "Provider" makes it seem like a terrible thing, but there are always cross breeds and the term Alpha Provider seems more of a category that I would lean towards. Could I have been with a ticking timebomb? Maybe. A bomb waiting for the correct sequence of events to happen before it went off? Quite possibly. Share your thoughts as I reflect deeper into the relationship. PS. PegNosePete - I totally agree - I have been told that too, and I could believe that if its another guy, that he doesn't even know and that the ring was removed contantly. Link to post Share on other sites
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