MamaRamos23 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 So about 4 months ago I gave birth to gorgeous baby boy, everything was going great until my bf became more distant and less affectionate. I tell him all I want is to be more close like we used to but he completely ignores it. Recently we went to visit my brother and whenever we went out in public he didn't wanna hold my hand or be close to me. We've been together for a year and a half. Is it because everything happened so fast? This was an unplanned pregnancy I just wanna feel loved again. His way of apologizing is having sex, while I enjoy that that's not the kind if apology I want. Please help what do i do???
Pierre Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 So about 4 months ago I gave birth to gorgeous baby boy, everything was going great until my bf became more distant and less affectionate. I tell him all I want is to be more close like we used to but he completely ignores it. Recently we went to visit my brother and whenever we went out in public he didn't wanna hold my hand or be close to me. We've been together for a year and a half. Is it because everything happened so fast? This was an unplanned pregnancy I just wanna feel loved again. His way of apologizing is having sex, while I enjoy that that's not the kind if apology I want. Please help what do i do??? Maybe the baby has changed everything for him. His life is changed forever and now he has to take care of his son. Is he employed? Maybe he is a person that is dry and not expressive. Maybe he is seeing someone else. Maybe after the pregnancy and having the child you have forgotten how to be sexy and nicely dressed.
Author MamaRamos23 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Yea he's employed His attitude is a huge problem tho
sweetypielovely Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Sometimes after a woman has a baby, a man sees the woman differently. They no longer find them sexy and stuff like before. You're a mom. How does he think of his mom or most moms? Probably not sexy and desirable. Start paying particular attention to him after baby is asleep and flirt like mad. Keep doing it. Id say after some time...let it go and leave his ass is he doesnt come around.
FitChick Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 If he were committed to you, he'd have married you. So many women think they can trap a man by getting pregnant but they just wind up alone, a burden on the already overburdened taxpayer.
Pierre Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Yea he's employed His attitude is a huge problem tho You need to expand on the issue of attitude. Yeah, some immature men feel they are competing with the baby for attention. Do not overlook affairs. They are very common when women are pregnant and delivering kids. Maybe he was looking forward to not having to work and now he has a child.
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Your desire for affection and emotional intimacy is healthy and normal. The culmination of your unplanned pregnancy and the traditional waning of the honeymoon period have occurred at nearly the same time. Reality, in a big way, has set in. If he was affectionate before, that potential exists. If he wants to recover and express it once again, he will. You've asked for what you want; I hope those requests were made in clear specific language, like 'I want to feel connected to you; I'd like you to take my hand in public (as an example)'. Be specific. Then, let it go. Give what you want and, if no joy, remove yourself before your love bank is empty.
Pierre Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Your desire for affection and emotional intimacy is healthy and normal. The culmination of your unplanned pregnancy and the traditional waning of the honeymoon period have occurred at nearly the same time. Reality, in a big way, has set in. If he was affectionate before, that potential exists. If he wants to recover and express it once again, he will. You've asked for what you want; I hope those requests were made in clear specific language, like 'I want to feel connected to you; I'd like you to take my hand in public (as an example)'. Be specific. Then, let it go. Give what you want and, if no joy, remove yourself before your love bank is empty. I always hold hands if I am in a relationship, to me is normal. I naturally understand the concept of expressing affection which has nothing to do with having sex. Some of these guys can only do sex and nothing else.
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 OP, when you stated BF was affectionate before, was that globally or strictly within the context of progressing sex? Pierre makes a good point. Something has changed. Now, here's the balance, since we've spent most of the time on BF.....During your pregnancy, did you push BF away? Think about that and get back to us.
Author MamaRamos23 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I mean I had my occasional mood swings but all pregnant womenvhave that Even when I was pregnant we were closer, I just miss being kissed and holding hands and things like that, it's almost like the spark is gone, I always give him attention and tell him how much he means to me, it seems so unfair to me thi because so many ppl said we wouldn't make it and we have so far and I dont wanna just give up.. He means alot to me, not just as my bf but as a person and as the father to my son... Idk maybe everything happened to fast and it's too much for him my heart is hurting tho
Cypress25 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 The stress of having an unplanned baby to care for is probably getting to him. It's a major detour in your life and his, so you can't really expect things to go on as normal after that. But that's not an excuse, since you are obviously under a lot of stress yourself. I would recommend couples therapy for this sort of thing, but I imagine money is tight right now, so maybe the two of you should just have a talk during a quiet moment. If you can manage to get a quiet moment with a 4-month-old baby in the house, that is.
Author MamaRamos23 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I've tried the talking and idk what else to do
Recommended Posts