Women who are limited by geography

[irc333]

I am noticing lately when I do a search in a smaller populated areas, certain single women seem to STAY single the longest. (Some to the point of complaining in their profiles about how it's hard to find anyone in their area, one mentioned all she meets are men that are college aged trying to hit on her, the reality is, small, rural areas tend to have all the "beautiful people" snarfed up and married)

 

I don't know if anyone else here lives is less populated areas where people marry just after high school. But those that remain single in these areas are either have moved back from a big city to be near their families or they moved back there from college, military or got laid from a career, and again back near a place that's near and dear to them and more familiar.

 

Of course, they're probably in their mid 20's to 30's and come to discover every single person their age is married (esp the attractive people)

 

So they throw an ad up online thinking that will help matters. In this case, it would help a person like this and perhaps she'll bump into someone of the same situation.

 

Single, never married, no kids just like here, and they do exist in small areas as well, but, as you know...being picky doesn't help matters for you if you're geographically limited to a SMALL pool of single people who perhaps don't meet your height requirement, hair length, receding hair, rugged good looks, etc.

 

She's just limited to average Joes or below on the dating sites she's soon disovered.

 

That being said, over time would a woman be willing to just go what's limited to her geographically?

 

Those others who live in more rural areas, what about you? Met people like this?

[thatone]

paging iris, please come to the service desk!

[iris219]

paging iris, please come to the service desk!

 

Sorry it took me so long!

 

I don't do online dating, but, as many know, I'm limited geographically. In answer to the question, no, I would never start dating men I didn't find attractive in some way. I would be single forever rather than date someone I don't like. I can't imagine anyone deciding to date someone they don't find attractive, aren't compatible with, don't enjoy being with just so they aren't alone. That doesn't make sense.

[carhill]

Yeah, it took me a good ten years after moving to find anyone clearly single and I had to range out to 60+ miles to finally meet my now exW. Back then, the closest town had just got their first stoplight and was about 4500 residents. With gas so expensive, today I have yet to hear a car go by.......they are picking almonds right now, so a few tractors, along with the tree shakers are out and about. It feels just like the East coast earthquake, one tree at a time

[irc333]

Sorry it took me so long!

 

I don't do online dating, but, as many know, I'm limited geographically. In answer to the question, no, I would never start dating men I didn't find attractive in some way. I would be single forever rather than date someone I don't like. I can't imagine anyone deciding to date someone they don't find attractive, aren't compatible with, don't enjoy being with just so they aren't alone. That doesn't make sense.

 

Really? I figured women in small towns only option to meet other singles is online. Unless you're hangin' out "The Boar's Nest" Sat nights. LOL

 

j/k - Dukes o Hazzard reference.

[zengirl]

Personally, I'd just move. But I understand some folks can't/like the country/whatever.

 

When I was limited geographically (and I have been, though I always knew it was impermanent so a little different), I just didn't date. I agree with Iris. Why would anyone date someone they didn't dig? I like my own company well enough anyway.

[irc333]

Personally, I'd just move.

 

Yeah, I would suggest they relocate.

 

There was this one woman, she was holding a Miss Fitness Trophy (some kind of figure competition) And I saw the city in which she lived...never heard of it...and turned out it was one of those towns where you see the sign for it, and it's gone in the blink of an eye. lol I wasn't even aware it was on the map until I looked up the city online. No Mayor, no police force, nada.

 

I saw her occupation was more of a blue collar one. Apparently she was very fit, and was looking for man to keep up with her. Age 40, never married, no kids.

 

Seriously out of her element. Women that look at her look like they belong in L.A. or West Palm Beach.

 

I was wondering what a figure competing woman is doing living WAY the heck out there?! LOL

 

Thing is though, if they do opt to stay put, give them a basket full of kittens with a note that says, "For the future cat lady" lol

[irc333]

I just didn't date..

 

 

Really? You never dated at all? Ever had an opportunity present itself?

[grkBoy]

I think iris and zengirl pretty much hit it on the point with their answers.

 

Women today are generally not looked down on if they don't find a man within a certain time frame. Some others clinging to the "old ways" might, but most won't. In the past if a woman didn't find a husband by a certain age then she was deemed a "failure". If she left on her own to move somewhere then again she was looked at badly, like something's wrong with her.

 

That's the past though, and the pain of a bad RL (since it seems most women have had at least one) have driven them to the "never settle" viewpoint. If a woman is willing to either move far away for the right man or men...or willing to die alone before settling...then it says to the guys who aren't getting any to move on or move to other areas where he might meet potential mates who want them.

 

Hard truth. The one "in power" is the one who is willing to die alone. The one who really "wants someone" is the one who is at the mercy of others.

[irc333]

That's the past though, and the pain of a bad RL (since it seems most women have had at least one) have driven them to the "never settle" viewpoint.

 

Agreed, but it's really about time that when people (esp single people) when they reach a certain age that they should possibly over look appearances like height, the presence of hair, or some guys that are just plain average looking.

[zengirl]

Really? You never dated at all? Ever had an opportunity present itself?

 

Well, I was never in a bad locale for very long, and my bad locales were pretty bad. I have mostly lived in urban areas that are good for dating, including now. But yes, there were stretches of time where I did not date because of my location.

[grkBoy]

Agreed, but it's really about time that when people (esp single people) when they reach a certain age that they should possibly over look appearances like height, the presence of hair, or some guys that are just plain average looking.

 

Here's a question though: What if they never reach that "age"?

 

What if all the women in your neck of the woods came up to you as a big crowd and in a unified voice told you they would never date you, recommend you to others, or have sex with you...nothing?

 

What if basically they all told you at once you can either move away or die alone?

 

I know it sounds extreme, but your reply is based on a hope that the women in your neck of the woods will one day "come down to Earth" or "lower their standards". I'm sure many probably carry unrealistic standards like most of the women I've encountered...but they have the freedom now to hold those standards and not face societal problems because of it.

 

That's part of why it seems they appear to "have the power"...because they would rather die alone than date someone they're not into. In the past they didn't have that choice, hence why even ugly guys could find wives.

 

This is why I tell many guys here to step up their game. Dress better, look better, move to better locations, etc. The ONLY time I tell women to lower their standards is when they say something like this:

 

"Where are all the decent men?"

 

OR

 

"There's no good men out there!"

 

OR

 

"I hate being single!"

 

When they lament on how they can't find someone that meets their rigid standards. Man or woman, if you want someone badly enough, then you're at the mercy of those who don't want someone as badly. Hence why you have to build an "A" game, or learn to drop out of the game and live life by your own rules...so when men or women make comments on how you're not dating or married, you simply relish in the freedom you've built for your mind.

[grkBoy]

Well, I was never in a bad locale for very long, and my bad locales were pretty bad. I have mostly lived in urban areas that are good for dating, including now. But yes, there were stretches of time where I did not date because of my location.

 

That doesn't surprise me. In Chicago you have men and women unwilling to date out of their general vicinity. Meaning if you're not in the central part of the city they won't bother with you. Suburbs? Forget it...you're deemed "geographically undesirable"

 

I imagine in many cities it's become this way...like New Yorkers unwilling to date outside of Manhattan.

[zengirl]

That doesn't surprise me. In Chicago you have men and women unwilling to date out of their general vicinity. Meaning if you're not in the central part of the city they won't bother with you. Suburbs? Forget it...you're deemed "geographically undesirable"

 

I imagine in many cities it's become this way...like New Yorkers unwilling to date outside of Manhattan.

 

My bad places were like small villages in Argentina and the Japanese country side. (And while I do speak Spanish and Japanese, and thus could date the locals, I don't really dig Argentinean men/dating culture in general and all the cute Japanese boys I liked lived in the cities; I dated a few later.)

 

If I lived in a suburb, I'd drive a bit to meet someone, though I do refuse to do so (well, did; the BF makes all this irrelevant) since I live in the city and never had trouble finding folks to date there. And proximity really is important to getting to know someone IMO since I'm not a phone person.

[Emilia]

That doesn't surprise me. In Chicago you have men and women unwilling to date out of their general vicinity. Meaning if you're not in the central part of the city they won't bother with you. Suburbs? Forget it...you're deemed "geographically undesirable"

 

I imagine in many cities it's become this way...like New Yorkers unwilling to date outside of Manhattan.

 

Similar in London. People won't bother if it's crazy distance or nightmare with public transport. There is some snobbery too of course in more affluent areas but it's usually about convenience. When you have millions living in the same city as you, you don't see the point in travelling 2 hours each way to see someone

[iris219]

Agreed, but it's really about time that when people (esp single people) when they reach a certain age that they should possibly over look appearances like height, the presence of hair, or some guys that are just plain average looking.

 

It sounds like you’re hoping that desperation does something to change women’s brains, that certain aspects and qualities they once found unattractive will suddenly become attractive to them. That is simply not the case. Very short fat guys are not my thing and never will be. If I had the choice between never having sex or having sex with a short fat guy, I’d choose never all day long. Sorry Danny Devito! Alcoholism hasn’t become attractive to me either and never will.

 

My standards HAVE changed, but that came because of age. In my twenties I cared if someone had children or was balding. I don’t care about either of those now.

 

Have you thought about moving? It seems that your area isn't the best for you when it comes to dating.

 

 

Women today are generally not looked down on if they don't find a man within a certain time frame. Some others clinging to the "old ways" might, but most won't. In the past if a woman didn't find a husband by a certain age then she was deemed a "failure". If she left on her own to move somewhere then again she was looked at badly, like something's wrong with her.

 

Actually, people think it's either weird or unfortunate that I'm single. Many feel sorry for me (or probably think there's something wrong with me). The norm where I live is to get married by your mid-late twenties, preferably to your college sweetheart.

 

I had a friend use the term old maid to describe a coworker the other day and it offended me, and I told her so. Who uses that term?

[thatone]

 

I had a friend use the term old maid to describe a coworker the other day and it offended me, and I told her so. Who uses that term?

 

people in the south who got married to their college fling because their parents told them to, lol.

[irc333]

Interesting you mention that.

Back when I was on MySpace, there was this woman, early 30's, her main profile of her laying out in a bikini, nice curves, but not necessarily athletic)

Not to bad looking, worked at a Walgreens as a cashier. (Small towns usually tend to yield only those kinds of job availiblities)

She had in her blog about this veyr issue, how her other friendsi n that town, are even wondering why she doesn't even DATE.

They weren't necessarily concerned about her not being married, but she wasn't even dating, and she was living there for

the long haul.

She was voicing her annoyances at her friends that she should "get out there" and date if she's asked out.

 

 

She was one of those black sheeps of the community that didn't date.

Her reason was the fact she won't even go out on a FIRST date with a guy, if she think he is not "The One", so she wants to

figure that the guy she starts dating is "The One" BEFORE dating him.

Kind of backwards way of putting it, but there's no way to determine that unless you go out with them on a first date.

 

 

Then in other blogs she mentions how she sees hot guys in advertisements doing plumbing, even saw some cute guys in a

contractor truck and wonder why she gets all the "Fat guys with the plumber's crack" coming to her house to fix her stuff.

 

She was kind of giving herself away how she was so concerned about physical appearances rather than substance and the only thing

that are left are toothless rednecks or at the VERY most....average looking guys, if even at that.

 

Thing is, guys that hot, are taken or married in small towns.

 

Sorry, the kinds of guys she's seeking are taken (living together) or married with children.

 

 

 

It sounds like you’re hoping that desperation does something to change women’s brains, that certain aspects and qualities they once found unattractive will suddenly become attractive to them. That is simply not the case. Very short fat guys are not my thing and never will be. If I had the choice between never having sex or having sex with a short fat guy, I’d choose never all day long. Sorry Danny Devito! Alcoholism hasn’t become attractive to me either and never will.

 

My standards HAVE changed, but that came because of age. In my twenties I cared if someone had children or was balding. I don’t care about either of those now.

 

Have you thought about moving? It seems that your area isn't the best for you when it comes to dating.

 

 

 

 

Actually, people think it's either weird or unfortunate that I'm single. Many feel sorry for me (or probably think there's something wrong with me). The norm where I live is to get married by your mid-late twenties, preferably to your college sweetheart.

 

I had a friend use the term old maid to describe a coworker the other day and it offended me, and I told her so. Who uses that term?

 

 

Moving, I don't know, I would always think that would be considered desperate, moving just because you might find a better selection of women. lol

Edited August 24, 2011 by irc333

[thatone]

depends on your means and your value of relationships versus other things.

 

i'm in a long distance relationship of sorts, but i'm originally from the city she's from and travel back there often anyway.

 

where i live, she'd be the best looking woman in most rooms she walked into. where she lives, she's attractive but not head turning attractive.

 

so from a purely physical appearance standpoint, i got a bit above my pay grade, so to speak.

 

but i'm not tied down to a job in a particular location so it's not really much of an inconvenience.

[irc333]

....also, if your friends and family and other people are starting to think you're too picky, it speaks volumes.

 

I've heard of people like friends and family members advise their chronically single friend to perhaps start rethinking their dating criteria, too.

[dasein]

Scratch the surface on these hot women in the sticks and you will almost always find they aren't trying to get out and meet people or have personality issues. There's no town in the U.S. that is small enough that doesn't have available men on any particular woman's level. The reason for this is that women tend to gravitate towards big cities more than men do, men are more likely to stay in the burbs/sticks to ply a particular trade or take over a family business. Shortage of available, desirable women is almost always the case in these types of towns, almost never the other way around. Same reasoning applies to surpluses of women in larger cities where there is a higher incidence of "white collar-ish" employment that doesn't involve much physical danger or physical difficulty in performance.

[iris219]

depends on your means and your value of relationships versus other things.

 

This is why I can't just pick up and move. I don't have the means. I have a good career that allows me to live comfortably, but not extravagantly.

 

There are no guarantees I'd find anyone of if I moved, so I'd rather stay where I am, with a job I love, with friends I love, in a town I love (I really like my city--it's just the dating pool that leaves a lot to be desired).

 

....also, if your friends and family and other people are starting to think you're too picky, it speaks volumes.

 

I've heard of people like friends and family members advise their chronically single friend to perhaps start rethinking their dating criteria, too.

 

I don't know these picky people you talk about. I've never met them.

 

Either you find someone attractive or you don't. I don't understand when someone is accused of being picky unless they next a guy who they like and find attractive, but who doesn't make millions. But even that isn't picky--it's silly and unrealistic, and probably rare.

[thatone]

This is why I can't just pick up and move. I don't have the means. I have a good career that allows me to live comfortably, but not extravagantly.

 

There are no guarantees I'd find anyone of if I moved, so I'd rather stay where I am, with a job I love, with friends I love, in a town I love (I really like my city--it's just the dating pool that leaves a lot to be desired).

 

 

i grew up differently, i suppose. after my parents divorced my mom and stepdad both worked for oil companies, so we moved every couple of years when i was a kid.

 

i never got attached to friends and places, because they were going to be short lived.

 

put it this way, a couple of times in my life before there were cell phones i've called mom to find that the phone was disconnected because she moved to another city and forgot to tell me about it .

 

and yeah that's laughing not crying about it. we share that personality, i'll readily leave where i live and the friends i have in that place if i think i might prefer somewhere else.

Edited August 24, 2011 by thatone

[iris219]

i grew up differently, i suppose. after my parents divorced my mom and stepdad both worked for oil companies, so we moved every couple of years when i was a kid.

 

i never got attached to friends and places, because they were going to be short lived.

 

put it this way, a couple of times in my life before there were cell phones i've called mom to find that the phone was disconnected because she moved to another city and forgot to tell me about it, lol.

 

Sorry to hear that about your mother. I can understand why you don't get attached to people/places when your mother has been known to disappoint you (I assume it was disappointing to learn she had moved without telling you).

 

I had a strained and unusual relationship my mom growing up, but she tries to make up for it now by being annoyingly helpful (i.e., clingy). I guess she figures she better prove she loves me now since I'm all she has and she's getting older.

[thatone]

nah, it's not really that way. i get along fine with my mother, but i was out of the house at age 17 and never was the type to need to visit family all of the time, neither was she. as long as i know where she lives when thanksgiving or christmas rolls around that's enough.

 

and i suppose i apply that to other friendships as well. i make friends when i move to a new place, but i don't let friendships deter me from going or moving to other places again.

 

that's one thing that's attractive about the gf i have now, actually, since i'm thinking about it. she wants to leave where she grew up, travel, etc once she finishes the degree she's gone back to school for.

 

that's twice that your posts make light bulbs go off in my head, i need to stop talking to you iris, you're starting to seem like a therapist or something .

Edited August 24, 2011 by thatone