Buttercup84 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I wish I listend to everyones advice because now I feel even more ****.I emailed him and this is what he said. ***** I don’t have a dating profile, I’m not seeing anyone and I’ve told you this before. You keep emailing me telling me everything I’ve heard from you before and just torturing yourself and it upsets me so much. You deserve to be happy and one day will be but doing this and emailing me all the time will not make you feel better. I get so upset hearing everything you say over and over again and it’s tearing me apart and I can’t cope. Stop putting yourself down all the time, it’s so wrong and upsets me more than you’ll ever know. I keep trying not to email you so you start to recover somehow and you just keep emailing me and putting yourself through this over and over again. It’s not fair to me and to yourself to keep putting us both through this constantly. I can’t make you feel better, that’s something you have to do for yourself. Please stop doing this, I can’t bear to keep getting upset hearing you accusing me or making me sound so cold. Shoving that it my face all the time is upsetting and I can’t cope with it.
WindWhisperer Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I can imagine how you feel. But at least he wasn't harsh. He obviously still cares about you but just doesn't want to be with you. Its horrible I know... And the above reply is the exact reason why I haven't contacted my ex. Take his advice. Its the best you can do for yourself. Again I'm so so so sorry.
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Thank you. I know it was just so stupid to email me.I wish in a way he was harsh so I could be angry. I am sorry you are going through the same thing and I wish I was as strong as you.
The_Good_Me Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Hi Buttercup I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I can only begin to imagine what it feels like to recieve something like that. I realise this is easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up too much over this. Losing a relationship makes you think and do things you normally wouldn't do by putting you into a new state of mind. It's natural to want to contact your ex, it's naturally to be hurt and worry that they're with someone else. Doing and saying things based on emotion is like an autopilot setting when we lose someone and that loss of control means you can't be totally to blame. I'm sure you already know that now really is the time to initiate full on NC as your ex clearly isn't ready to talk about anything and now he appears to be frustrated and upset. I am sure you do not want your last parting words to be like this so I would make one last contact to wipe the slate clean before you begin to move on. I think a hand written letter is always a nice way to initiate NC and it's more personal than an email or text and shows that you've put thought and effort into it. In your own words, apologise for whatever you want to apologise for and make sure you apologise for making him uncomfortable through your last email. Reassure him that there will be no more contact as you accept you are broken up and respect his decision to end things. Reassure him that you are now going to focus on healing yourself and wish him well for the future. This will help to ease any guilt you may be feeling and set you up nicely on the road to healing. Good luck buttercup
geegirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I can’t make you feel better, that’s something you have to do for yourself. I've said this time and time again when you're in pain and you feel the need to seek comfort from the one you love. They can't give you the comfort you need or even the answers you need. They're your source of pain. You have to just barrel through the hurt. There is no other way Buttercup. I know this is hard. When I read posts that are fresh and raw, I can almost feel what I felt months ago when I went through my break-up. The next time you want to break NC and you feel the need to seek comfort and solace, go to your friends or your family. He CANNOT do that for you. This is going to have to be something that you will have to fight through from within. Yes, easy for me to say but I too have been there before. One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. That is all you can do. Grieve to those around you. Make sure you nourish yourself because while you are crumbling emotionally, you want to take care of yourself physically. It will actually make you feel a little better some. Come here and post and vent. There is really no way around this. It is torture when you want the person you love and that love is not reciprocated. I know, trust me. But I promise you that things will get better. Not now, not one week from now but soon. And the only way to do it is to stop contacting him, start accepting that it is over and gritting your teeth and putting one foot infront of the other, little steps.
shayla Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 My ex and I have broken up for 9 months now. 3 months after we broke up he married another woman. When I confronted her to tell her about him and I, she let me know that when they were getting to know one another, he told her all about his past (except about me of course) and spoke of all the sex he had with multiple women then entire time we were together. 2 days later he sent me an email full of lies manipulation, and a don't ever contact me again at the end. I don't think anyone has ever hurt me as bad as he did. I sent him several emails that were angry, that were full of hate, I unleashed every ugly vile thought that was in my head. It was truly foul. from that email he sent me to this day he has never sent me anything else. I never thought I would get over what he did. I thought I would never recover. I hurt long and hard and cried for weeks. But now. I have a new lease on life. I have a good man who is honest and true to me. I am happy for the first time in years. The only way to get past the hurt is to go through it. I wish it could be easier, but it isn't. Even now it still bothers me a little when I think of his betrayal but it isn't the kick in the gut it used to be. I hope it helps to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
WhoMI Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Buttercup ur not alone. I did the same thing...sent him an email this morning & no reply. The pain is worse but I know I did this to myself and Geegirl is right. We can't get comfort or answers from our source of pain...him. Thank god for this site where we can vent & help each other get through this difficult time. Let's try to get through today and deal with tomorrow when it comes.
skyman87 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Aw, I'm sorry to hear this Buttercup. You've got to be strong. He's right, and continuing to break NC in this manner will keep hurting you. You've got to set little goals. I'm trying that right now. Find people you trust that you can relay your feelings to, and whom will provide comfort. I'm in a similar place as you right now.
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