filmbuffy Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Hi, long story short, my ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, told me she had fallen out of love with me and had met someone else. My ex wants to remain friends, she tells me I am her best friend and keeps texting and emailing me. I still love her, what am I to do? My heart is so heavy with sadness.
wilsonx Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 You have to go No Contact. You can't be friends with her because she has feelings for someone else and its not a level playing field. It's impossible to just be friends with an ex just out of a breakup and that usually takes years.
geegirl Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I believe you asked the same question in your previous post and the consensus was NC. If you're wanting to hear otherwise so that you can justify keeping contact, you won't hear it. You can't be friends with her when you are emotionally attached. She can be friends with you because she is not emotionally invested in you as you are in her. She's distracted and emotionally focused on someone else. The only person that stands to get hurt is you.
danceallday Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 They are right - nc all the way. That includes taking all of the things she gave you, everything that reminds you of her and putting it in a box where you cannot see it. Block her on fb, delete her number form your cell. It really helps to not have any reminders in your personal space.
shortee143 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 In my opinion, dont do the friends thing. It will end up being fake (at least for awhile) You still have feelings, and emotions, etc....I see my ex often, he is with someone else...I have tried for months to be friends, but I realize I still have feelings, anger, hurt, etc all towards him, so it just doesnt work for me. I wonder if it ever will for me though....You dont wna put yourself thru any more pain!! I see my ex still in social settings, and I ignore him. It is just easier that way. I know you dont want to lose her, but right now, settling for "best friends" status def wont do you any good. Give yourself some time, clear your head, let your emotions settle..and see how you feel.
solobeary Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 No contact. Friendships can't be healthy when the power balance is completely skewed. You are a massive ego boost and rock to her because you are still (more or less) in love with her, while she broke your heart and has made you sad. That situation is not fair on you. Personally, I'd write her a short letter or email explaining that you need time completely alone away from her world to process everything, and so being friends isn't possible right now. Then go no contact.
Dig0923 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 No contact. Friendships can't be healthy when the power balance is completely skewed. You are a massive ego boost and rock to her because you are still (more or less) in love with her, while she broke your heart and has made you sad. That situation is not fair on you. Personally, I'd write her a short letter or email explaining that you need time completely alone away from her world to process everything, and so being friends isn't possible right now. Then go no contact. They are right - nc all the way. That includes taking all of the things she gave you, everything that reminds you of her and putting it in a box where you cannot see it. Block her on fb, delete her number form your cell. It really helps to not have any reminders in your personal space. Pretty much everything I was going to say is summed up right there, let me tell you what happens when you try to be friends with someone who has someone else. My ex and I broke up at the end of july. She broke with me because she said she wasn't in love me with anymore, her feelings changed, etc etc;; G.I.G.S possibly. After we broke up she was already talking to this new guy but he had or has a GF. My ex, in my opinion, just wanted to stay friends with me until she was to the point where she didn't need me to feed her ego and make herself feel better anymore. She would tell me things about how she thinks she made a mistake, how she wishes things never changed, all kinds of things. I went through alot of emotional ups and down during the past 3-4 weeks, until finally I wrote her a letter and told her I could not do this anymore and met her at a public place and delivered it to her in person. After the letter I still saw her that same night, and for some reason we had a great talk, drove around for hours and we were going to go on a road trip the next day, as friends. ( Bad idea I know, she just kept giving me mixed signals). After I dropped her off at home guess what happened? She talked to her new interest and decided everything we had just talked about is bad, and she basically said this new guy is ready to work things out with her and leave his gf pretty much to see her. Guess what she did? Dropped me like a sack of dog ****, she TOLD ME we were going NC and I told her the same and that is where we are... Long story short, she wanted to be freinds in case things went south with this new guy, she could come running back to me to have me make her feel better. The way she kept me around was giving me mixed signals and stringing me along acting like we might get back together. Once she got to the point where she knew she was going to be ok without me "Helping" her feel better she left, again. I know you love your ex, I still do, but you can't be friends. It just ends in heartbreak. They all will realize one day what the had, and what they lost but being friends and being there when no one else is around to make her feel better is just a bad idea and hurt you more then her. "If they are dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let them go."
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