Lilmisus Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 If you look through some of my recent threads, you'll remember the coworker that has been trying for about a month now to go out with me, though I at first thought we were just friends. He's a good friend of mine, and the guy that I've gone to for most of the advice I've received over different issues. Well, though I decided to draw the line with him after getting drunk and telling him I wanted him (and him telling me he wanted me), him and I have somehow managed to get closer. The night after that, he was on his way home and was driving I think 11 hours straight, and while he was on his way back, I was texting him for about 7 hours. Near the end of the conversation, he asked me out again, and I told him I was interested, but not interested in dating another coworker since that left me very depressed for two weeks and I couldn't do that again...especially with someone as much of a flirt as he is. We left that conversation very flirty though, and he said he was willing to do anything to go out with me, even just one date to prove he wasn't like my ex. I stood my ground though and told him I just wasn't sure. The next night, was the night of a coworker's party that we both planned to attend. I went with my good friend after work, and we made the promise to not leave each others side and to spend the night there since we knew we'd get very drunk. Regardless, she ended up going out to eat with a few coworkers and the guy she hooked up with that night with the plan to go to the strip club after, and I ended up in the car with Mr. Coworker and another guy friend of ours (who I used to have a crush on ), with just the intention to go to the strip club. Her and I ended up in two completely different places though, and I didn't see her again till the next morning. Long story short, we flirted a lot at the strip club, he tried to get me to get a lap dance (along with about 7 others), and I got even more drunk. On the way back to the house of the friend who we were with, where we spent the night, we held hands, he told me how beautiful I am, and he let me try to fall asleep on him, while our friend was in the backseat. At our friend's house, we stayed up for another hour while our friend got high (I refused to, and told Mr. Coworker to not do it either, to stay "pure"..I was drunk don't forget..), and it wasn't till 6 am that we went to sleep, with my head on his lap, as he pet my head and held my hand. He kept trying to get me to kiss him (in a very sweet/cute way), and kept asking if he could, but I kept saying no (but wishing he would of course), and he respected it and didn't. We woke up 3 hours later so I could go to work (I was still drunk...) and he had to tickle me and threaten me with kisses to get me awake enough to leave. We left though without kissing or even hugging goodbye as I went with my friend to go to another friend's house to get ready for work. Since then, him and I have been consistently talking and I explained to him today how I was sorry that I didn't kiss him, but I have a rule about not kissing anyone I'm not at least casually dating, and I'm not willing to go further unless I'm in a serious relationship with them. The conversation left off around that point though, so I'm still not sure what he thinks of it. I've told other coworkers about him and this, and many say that he's a great guy, very sweet, that they really like him even though he's a flirt, and they think I should give him a chance. My issue is: I'm so not sure what to do right now. I think I like him, because he really is a great, sweet guy, and we have a blast talking to each other, and I feel so incredibly comfortable with him. I can tell him absolutely anything, and I can trust him more than I've ever been able to trust anyone else. He promised me that he'd stop his excessive flirting if he was in a committed relationship, but that it's just so much fun to do (which I'm a HUGE flirt too, so I understand that...). But I just hate the thought of dating another coworker and possibly getting hurt like I was earlier this year, again. That's really the only thing that's keeping me back right now. My feelings are just so conflicted right now..and I just wish I knew what to do...follow my heart (that says I want him) or my head (that says to stay away from drama and keep from getting hurt)?
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Lilmisus, I like you and all, but from the way you keep putting yourself in all of these situations knowingly, it's clear that you *really* love drama. Edited August 23, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author Lilmisus Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Lilmisus, I like you and all, but from the way you keep putting yourself in all of these situations knowingly, it's clear that you *really* love drama. It's not that I really love drama, I just like to have fun and I do have feelings for the guy, so I wanted to be there with him and talk to him the other night. I just don't know if my feelings for him are enough to date him or if I should leave it alone and let this die out. I just know the whole "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" saying and I don't want to be fooled twice into dating another coworker just to get burned in the end. People just keep telling me to give it a shot, but I don't know if that's the best thing to do...
sm1tten Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Lilmisus, I like you and all, but from the way you keep putting yourself in all of these situations knowingly, it's clear that you *really* love drama. Not gonna lie, I had a similar thought. You already know that if you date another coworker and it fails again, you are going to look and feel like a fool. I'd hold onto that, actually. Plus, wasn't this the guy you thought might be looking for a FWB or a rebound? He may be funny and cute and ya'll can talk about aaaaanything but that doesn't mean it's a good move. I would just keep the flirty friendship where it is right now. When you don't know what to do, probably best to do nothing.
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Well, this isn't the only situation. --Your best friend is cheating on her fiance. --Your last boyfriend had gangs hounding him/his family. --You sent drunk texts to a guy you "didn't want to" get involved with. (Make up your mind at least.) All signs point to drama... There are a few other things I'm sure that I can't recall at the moment. Don't you think these things are at least *somewhat* a reflection of you and your decision making, the people you let into your life.... Edited August 23, 2011 by Imajerk17
make me believe Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Well I don't know your history or how much you supposedly love drama, but I would advise against getting involved with a co-worker anyway. I did it once and that was enough for me to never do it again! You've done it once too and it turned out badly, so keep that in mind. Do you REALLY want to feel awkward & embarrassed at work a few months from now if things dont work out with this guy? I also think that all of his flirting is a big red flag. I doubt he would stop it if he was in a relationship because he sounds like he flirts for attention and some people just need lots of attention from the opposite sex to feel good about themselves. I dunno, this all just sounds kinda.... skeezy. A bunch of coworkers getting drunk, going to strip clubs, hooking up with each other, and then dragging their hungover/drunk selves into work the next day? Weird. Idk where you work but it sounds like there's probably tons of drama all around there.
Cee Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Alright, I know you really like this guy, so here's my advice: You like him and want him as your boyfriend. So push for that, but don't dangle a kiss (or more) in front of him as bait. That road leads to the walk of shame in your office. Ask him to take you on dates in public places. Ask him to hold your hand and say complimentary things. Do dating that is about taking it slow. Be sure not to ever be alone with him or your panties might "accidentally" fall down. If all of that works out, then this guy might be a keeper. Or you might not be compatible or he wants something else. The chaste dates you go on aren't a big deal. You have tested those waters and found them stagnant and scummy. When the thing falls apart, then you can say, "Oh, I sort of dated Chadwick, but it faded out. No big deal." I think my advice is a good way to try to land your office crush as a boyfriend, but allows you to save face if he pulls back. P.S. I wish you'd drop the whole thing instead. Edited August 23, 2011 by Cee
OliveOyl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 How could he manage a lengthy text conversation while driving? :confused:
zengirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Alright, I know you really like this guy, so here's my advice: You like him and want him as your boyfriend. So push for that, but don't dangle a kiss (or more) in front of him as bait. That road leads to the walk of shame in your office. Ask him to take you on dates in public places. Ask him to hold your hand and say complimentary things. Do dating that is about taking it slow. Be sure not to ever be alone with him or your panties might "accidentally" fall down. If all of that works out, then this guy might be a keeper. Or you might not be compatible or he wants something else. The chaste dates you go on aren't a big deal. You have tested those waters and found them stagnant and scummy. When the thing falls apart, then you can say, "Oh, I sort of dated Chadwick, but it faded out. No big deal." I think my advice is a good way to try to land your office crush as a boyfriend, but allows you to save face if he pulls back. P.S. I wish you'd drop the whole thing instead. I second Cee's advice and her P.S. Excellent advice if you must pursue this.
Cypress25 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Have the two of you ever flirted with each other when you weren't drunk?
Author Lilmisus Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Have the two of you ever flirted with each other when you weren't drunk? Ohhhh yea. I've only been drunk a total of three times, and most of our conversations somehow involve flirting. Now...he's been drunk for half of the times..but still, we've flirted while sober plenty enough. Well, this isn't the only situation. --Your best friend is cheating on her fiance. --Your last boyfriend had gangs hounding him/his family. --You sent drunk texts to a guy you "didn't want to" get involved with. (Make up your mind at least.) All signs point to drama... There are a few other things I'm sure that I can't recall at the moment. Don't you think these things are at least *somewhat* a reflection of you and your decision making, the people you let into your life.... You're very right, all those things occurred. There are a lot of dramatic aspects of my life, sadly. But, there's only so much I can control about what the people in my life do. My ex was a very poor decision, but I didn't even KNOW his sister's now ex was in a gang till the last couple months and that's when things went way downhill. This guy..he doesn't do any sort of drugs, or even smoke weed, and is was a part of the Marines for a while, so I know he's a better choice than my ex in those aspects alone. Well I don't know your history or how much you supposedly love drama, but I would advise against getting involved with a co-worker anyway. I did it once and that was enough for me to never do it again! You've done it once too and it turned out badly, so keep that in mind. Do you REALLY want to feel awkward & embarrassed at work a few months from now if things dont work out with this guy? I also think that all of his flirting is a big red flag. I doubt he would stop it if he was in a relationship because he sounds like he flirts for attention and some people just need lots of attention from the opposite sex to feel good about themselves. I dunno, this all just sounds kinda.... skeezy. A bunch of coworkers getting drunk, going to strip clubs, hooking up with each other, and then dragging their hungover/drunk selves into work the next day? Weird. Idk where you work but it sounds like there's probably tons of drama all around there. This. Is exactly why I'm so freakin' iffy about getting involved with him. None of my friends (or even him) understand why I'm so cautious about going out on a single date with the guy, but the fact that I looked like such an idiot just earlier this year makes me really doubt what move I should make next. But to clear the air, a bunch of coworkers weren't hooking up with each other...I (along with like four others) kind of encouraged my friend to go make out with our coworker, and since she was drunk she figured why not. But there's actually not any drama there. Like..no drama at all. Everyone loves each other and parties with one another all the time. I just don't want to create any drama, ya know? And btw, I work at a restaurant so everyone knows. Alright, I know you really like this guy, so here's my advice: You like him and want him as your boyfriend. So push for that, but don't dangle a kiss (or more) in front of him as bait. That road leads to the walk of shame in your office. Ask him to take you on dates in public places. Ask him to hold your hand and say complimentary things. Do dating that is about taking it slow. Be sure not to ever be alone with him or your panties might "accidentally" fall down. If all of that works out, then this guy might be a keeper. Or you might not be compatible or he wants something else. The chaste dates you go on aren't a big deal. You have tested those waters and found them stagnant and scummy. When the thing falls apart, then you can say, "Oh, I sort of dated Chadwick, but it faded out. No big deal." I think my advice is a good way to try to land your office crush as a boyfriend, but allows you to save face if he pulls back. P.S. I wish you'd drop the whole thing instead. This is very good advice, thank you. I might just follow it...but the holding my hand thing isn't an issue. He's willing to do it wherever we are. Hasn't even tried putting his hands ANYWHERE else (except for my waist when I was leaning against him), so I'm not worried about that.
Cypress25 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I (along with like four others) kind of encouraged my friend to go make out with our coworker, and since she was drunk she figured why not. Wow. You guys are a really bad influence on each other. When I go out with my friends, we look out for each other (especially the intoxicated ones) to make sure no one does anything stupid or dangerous. Seems like all your friends do is encourage each other to act like idiots, and since you're all wasted, you do idiotic things all night long. I got news for you: What happens when you're drunk is REAL. If you don't want drama between you and your coworker, then stay sober when you talk to him. If you can't do that, you have a drinking problem.
Author Lilmisus Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Wow. You guys are a really bad influence on each other. When I go out with my friends, we look out for each other (especially the intoxicated ones) to make sure no one does anything stupid or dangerous. Seems like all your friends do is encourage each other to act like idiots, and since you're all wasted, you do idiotic things all night long. I got news for you: What happens when you're drunk is REAL. If you don't want drama between you and your coworker, then stay sober when you talk to him. If you can't do that, you have a drinking problem. We actually aren't. This was a one time thing with my good friend who is probably the most well behaved person I've ever met. (NOTE: the other time I got drunk was with another friend..the one who is cheating on her fiance...who WAS a bad influence on me). She only had 1.5 drinks but it was enough for her to get very drunk since she never drinks and is super tiny. Plus..like I said..third time I've ever gotten drunk...meaning, 90% of the time I've ever talked to him (like, we're talking right now..both of us completely sober), has been when neither of us had anything in them. She kept telling me how much she wanted to make out with him, and so I told her "do it!" and when he was around, I remember saying "kiss her!" but all they did from what I'm told, is make out..she refused to go further. But also like I said...the drama I'm afraid of isn't from the other night...that night was a lot of fun and I don't regret anything from it. I'm worried about dating him and drama being caused from that. You know...it doesn't end well, he ends up realizing he doesn't actually want to date me and wants to date a different coworker (like how my ex played me), or something like that. I don't think I'd be able to get over that again..and the fear of it happening is so freakin' strong...even though I want to start something with him.
Imajerk17 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 BTW, I wasn't really knocking you Lilmisus, because I've made mistakes too. In an earlier life I actually was the "bad" boyfriend. Well, somewhat.. BUT look at the pattern. You have been saying all along how you don't want to get involved with him, how there is too much drama for you, and yet you keep putting yourself on a collision course for this to happen.
Recommended Posts