Andy_K Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 2. Pay attention to the men who aren't hitting on you Cuz they are not hitting on me because they are not interested. wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong. Normal guys do not approach every girl they are interested in. Not even close. A regular guy may be open to meeting someone, but not so eager to score that he hits on girls left right and center. At best a normal single guy might approach a few % of the girls he's interested in. If he doesn't approach, it does NOT mean he's not interested. If you limit yourself to the guys that hit on you, you are by definition only exposing yourself to the type of guys who approach a lot - the type of guys who are just players or already involved with someone. If you were to pick a guy out, completely at random, he is far LESS likely to be a cheat than any guy who approaches you. Your odds of finding a decent guy are about 1000x higher if you strike up a few conversations yourself.
ChessPieceFace Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 thats nothing worse to the females gender than being a virgin Wow, then how does anyone ever have sex for the first time LOL. Give me a break. And what you mean by you've never had a girl. Like youd be in a LTR but still would not think of her a real gf? No, never had a girl in any way. Had a couple girls like me but they lost interest pretty quick. I eventually realized what girls really want, and it basically disgusts me. If I be myself, I will never get a girl. I'd rather be myself and be alone though. Better than playing the stupid animal game and being something I'm not. So in short, YOU are to blame. There's plenty of good guys out there. YOU ignore them because that's what women do: go after the worst guys.
Professor X Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Flymoon, my advice to you is simply to not date any men. Problem solved. Don't give your number either. I hate people who suffer from vaginaphobia just as much as I hate those who suffer from penisphobia, and just as I treat them as trolls I will treat you as one too. So, don't date = don't get hurt = you won't get cheated on. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Problem #341 that has been solved by Prof. X.
betterdeal Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Because we're all bastards just like your dad.
Badenov Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 and I am just so sad/mad bc i assumed they weer single bc they hitted on me but then i soon figure out that they are in a serious relationship. Pissed me off So they're not cheating ON you, they want to cheat WITH you. If this is happening to you a lot, then maybe it's you. Are you giving off some kind of vibe? How do you dress? How do you act around guys? Do you have a reputation? Are you superficial? Flirt too much? It's not about the committed guys hitting on you, It's about the single guys NOT hitting on you.
phineas Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 They can't be that decent if their hitting on OP while they have GF's. Also, if their friends of friends....birds of a feather and all that. And finally OP, what is the commonalities to men with GF's hitting on you? It MAY not be just you. Also, how can a normal guy hit on you when you are surrounded by all the Romeo's with GFs?
freedomstars Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Hello I know this may not help much but the facts are that females are 4 times as likely to cheat than a man- this is a little know fact. So I know it doesn't help you situation but if you were a guy--you would see the same problem x4--not a good situation Good luck Okay I know the definition of "Cheating" can vary tremendously, but I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating. Applying that definition, Im just really frustrated how many men are hopeless. I know not everyones like that but lately, eveyone decent who has been hitting on me (pretty seriously - at least by taking my numbers or so) turns out to have a girlfriend of a long term (of at least a year or more) And that not only disppoints me but also really offends me as well and it hurts any future relationships I might potentially have. First, I'm not a slut who would hook up randomly and these guys I met at are from legit places (not like drunken losers from some random bar yknow) And still, they would dare to hit on me despite their gfs. I just feel as if im a tool or what..though I know im not. Its just really hurting. Second, now that I know a lot of guys do hit on girls like that even though he has a serious gf, I cant trust guys at alll. I get easily suspicious and all that.... What do you guys think? Were those people going to break up anyways as they were hitting on me but then I just found out too early about it or what? Is this just a nature of men? Any comments would be appreciated....
Pierre Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It's interesting to learn from those who aren't flocking to you. Who are they? Why do they feel/act differently than those who do approach? What about you or them impels their distance? I'd especially suggest studying those who match up with your description of 'decent'. I do this with female friends; women for whom my presence doesn't stir their loins. I learn things about myself. They're like mirrors. For many years, I had a similar issue, as I tended to attract as well as naturally find synergy with women who were broken and/or were singular or serial cheaters. However, I knew that 'all' women weren't cheaters, so I had to look inside myself to find the answers for my apparently chosen path. Looking at those healthy women who didn't find me attractive helped, even though that perhaps sounds a bit like self-flagellation. Now I catch myself when I slip into that 'mode' which the broken ones find attractive and stop the aura and behaviors, mainly overt empathy and care. It sounds simple but it's not. Your path is your own but, if you're attracting mostly cheaters, then it's up to you to find a healthier path for yourself. The cheaters have their own path and you have no control over it, or them. Yes, and my suggestion was to examine why you felt the need, cognizant of that dynamic, to title the way you did, as an exaggeration. You could have titled "Why do men cheat?" or "Why do some men cheat?" or "Why do many men cheat?". Lots of options, yet you went for ALL and CHEAT in caps. I'm not criticizing the choice, rather suggesting some reflection upon its impetus. When you meet a healthy man you trust, how will you process this perspective (the title of the thread, with subsequent disclaimer) within the realm of that relationship? How will it speak to you? Will you believe in the 'exception'? Good luck Very good post! I am convinced cheaters don't like to date other cheaters. Somehow a cheater can recognize another cheater a mile away. If you know a cheater you know they would be highly offended if someone cheated on them. They often have that symptom of narcissism where they despise anyone that cheats on them and fail to make the connection when they are unfaithful to others. Freud called this projection. Cheaters are sometimes drawn to the good men and women that would never cheat. It seems they have a radar for these innocent faithful types. The hallmark of cheating is the ability to lie and to have no conscience. Some folks are naturally that way whereas others get there by slowly using rationalization and justification.
OriginalPenguin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 FlyMoon, I have to wonder what type of social circles you are running in if you are convinced that most (as you have toned down the "all" a bit) men are cheaters. Is it possible that the situations you are meeting men in are conducive to a lower quality of person?
Pierre Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 FlyMoon, I have to wonder what type of social circles you are running in if you are convinced that most (as you have toned down the "all" a bit) men are cheaters. Is it possible that the situations you are meeting men in are conducive to a lower quality of person? Exactly! She is probably navigating the wrong social circle.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 OP - I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! Any guy I've recently liked since my huge breakup two years ago has put out all the right signals, been flirty, had great chemistry - then BAM - they have a girlfriend! I recently found out one guy I had a HUGE, MASSIVE crush on, not only has a girlfriend, but is GETTING MARRIED. Now all the times we talked and met up, he never told me this. Nothing happened between us - we only talked and met up, no kissing, sex etc. Still I was hugely disapointed and P-ed off. It's like why waste time with all the flirting when you're getting married? How about don't get married? It's SO annoying. I always just cut these people out straight away. I can't be bothered with the gameplaying. Unfortunately really gorgeous guys - the ones that look like adonis - are almost always players or gay...and most average guys THINK they are adonis anyway and cheat accordingly. I guess hun just keep looking, but keep your radar out for any b/s.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 FlyMoon, I have to wonder what type of social circles you are running in if you are convinced that most (as you have toned down the "all" a bit) men are cheaters. Is it possible that the situations you are meeting men in are conducive to a lower quality of person? I would disagree. I agree with the OP and my social circle extends from school to uni to work to family. I've noticed it in many social circles. In fact, some of the happiest relationships actually house a very clever cheater. Its quite disheartening. I think its more common to come across a cheater (male or female) than it is to find a faithful relationship.
Nexus One Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 FlyMoon, I have to wonder what type of social circles you are running in if you are convinced that most (as you have toned down the "all" a bit) men are cheaters. Is it possible that the situations you are meeting men in are conducive to a lower quality of person? Exactly! She is probably navigating the wrong social circle. Statistically seen 50% of all men cheat. At least that's the percentage of guys that admit it. I think cheating happens throughout pretty much all layers of society. 50% is simply too much to exclude certain significant layers of society. That being said almost the same percentage of women admits to cheating, while a bit less, one could say roughly half of all men and women cheat. Guys that want a loyal relationship are pretty much in the same boat as the women who want a loyal relationship, i.e. having a 1 in 2 chance of getting a decent partner. Of course that chance can be improved by looking at red flags and such, but that's about it.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 your a man hater That's not true. I'm a man lover. That's probably the problem. High expectations.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 lol. you hate 47 year old virgins. Well they are a bit out of my age range to be fair.
Ginger Beer Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 all guys don't cheat but the female gender ignores guys who don't cheat. From a guys perspective, please tell me what kind of guys dont cheat then. Excellent reply from vgn47. I know loads of girls will moan about there not being any decent men around, only to ignore the fact they've probably turned loads down for being 'too nice' or 'too clingy' etc... You can tell the guys who won't flirt or cheat because they won't be sexual or anything like that for a while. If a girl is flirting sexually with you so soon, he's doing it to other girls too. He's not nervous about what you think and if you care about someone or are genuinely interested you will not be thinking about sex straight away, when you eventually do get that far, if he's nervous or shy it's a good sign. In my opinion.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Excellent reply from vgn47. I know loads of girls will moan about there not being any decent men around, only to ignore the fact they've probably turned loads down for being 'too nice' or 'too clingy' etc... You can tell the guys who won't flirt or cheat because they won't be sexual or anything like that for a while. If a girl is flirting sexually with you so soon, he's doing it to other girls too. He's not nervous about what you think and if you care about someone or are genuinely interested you will not be thinking about sex straight away, when you eventually do get that far, if he's nervous or shy it's a good sign. In my opinion. There are lots of decent men yes....BUT women want chemistry and a connection. I think men want this too right? My teachers a decent man, my neighbour is a decent man - if decency was all it took, no one would be single for long. In the Western world we want passion and chemistry. That's what a romantic relationship sparks out of. A lot of decent men may like you, but if you don't feel a spark for them, they will only ever be a friend. I think this is true for men too.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Excellent reply from vgn47. I know loads of girls will moan about there not being any decent men around, only to ignore the fact they've probably turned loads down for being 'too nice' or 'too clingy' etc... You can tell the guys who won't flirt or cheat because they won't be sexual or anything like that for a while. If a girl is flirting sexually with you so soon, he's doing it to other girls too. He's not nervous about what you think and if you care about someone or are genuinely interested you will not be thinking about sex straight away, when you eventually do get that far, if he's nervous or shy it's a good sign. In my opinion. Pretty much. Of course, not all women are attracted to men like that, many do like a guy to be really flirtatious and sexually bold. But those guys can also be the cheating type. It seems to be a vicious cycle I guess.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Pretty much. Of course, not all women are attracted to men like that, many do like a guy to be really flirtatious and sexually bold. But those guys can also be the cheating type. It seems to be a vicious cycle I guess. Yes I think you hit the nail on the head. But its a slippery slope... Sexually bold, flirty men can be very attractive. On the flip side, they can be perves or weirdos. The quality of being brave or sexual can come in many packages, but when a man can pull off being bold and direct, normally without even thinking about it, just because it is how he is, it is a very attractive quality.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Yes I think you hit the nail on the head. But its a slippery slope... Sexually bold, flirty men can be very attractive. On the flip side, they can be perves or weirdos. The quality of being brave or sexual can come in many packages, but when a man can pull off being bold and direct, normally without even thinking about it, just because it is how he is, it is a very attractive quality. Unfortunately for me I'm not the sexually bold guy. I'm the "avoids women because they're scary" guy.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Unfortunately for me I'm not the sexually bold guy. I'm the "avoids women because they're scary" guy. But men, like women, come in lots of packages and I always think of this if I ever think I'm doomed to singledom. Someone out there likes a man who likes dressing up in diapers and being treated like a baby. Someone out there likes a woman that was burned in a fire. If love can happen in unlikely (and in the first instance, bizare places), then it can for ordinary folk too, even if we don't fit a traditional 'mould'.
thatone Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 There are lots of decent men yes....BUT women want chemistry and a connection. I think men want this too right? My teachers a decent man, my neighbour is a decent man - if decency was all it took, no one would be single for long. In the Western world we want passion and chemistry. That's what a romantic relationship sparks out of. A lot of decent men may like you, but if you don't feel a spark for them, they will only ever be a friend. I think this is true for men too. you can have "chemistry and connection" (defined in reality as someone who is attractive and aggressive), but you can't have him in a monogamous relationship, because YOUR expectations are out of whack and when HE sees it he will simply move along to one of his equal or better options.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 you can have "chemistry and connection" (defined in reality as someone who is attractive and aggressive), but you can't have him in a monogamous relationship, because YOUR expectations are out of whack and when HE sees it he will simply move along to one of his equal or better options. you are a walking contradiction. you want your cake and eat it too, and no man who sees that and has any other options will stay with you. I can't understand what is contradictory about wanting a connection in order to have a relationship. Otherwise everyone would just be with everyone and anyone (heck some people are). Most men and women WANT a connection. That's what sparks the relationship into life. And a connection isn't aggression - its having fun with someone, a witty conversation, sharing a meaningful or random experience, getting along. Without a connection, there is nothing seperating the relationship from any friendship or meeting.
Emilia Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Yes I think you hit the nail on the head. But its a slippery slope... Sexually bold, flirty men can be very attractive. On the flip side, they can be perves or weirdos. The quality of being brave or sexual can come in many packages, but when a man can pull off being bold and direct, normally without even thinking about it, just because it is how he is, it is a very attractive quality. Not in my experience. Outgoing men with stated wants tend to be more satisfied sexually in my experience and are less likely to be frustarted perverts or weirdos - although I suppose it depends on your definition of a pervert or a weirdo
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