FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Okay I know the definition of "Cheating" can vary tremendously, but I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating. Applying that definition, Im just really frustrated how many men are hopeless. I know not everyones like that but lately, eveyone decent who has been hitting on me (pretty seriously - at least by taking my numbers or so) turns out to have a girlfriend of a long term (of at least a year or more) And that not only disppoints me but also really offends me as well and it hurts any future relationships I might potentially have. First, I'm not a slut who would hook up randomly and these guys I met at are from legit places (not like drunken losers from some random bar yknow) And still, they would dare to hit on me despite their gfs. I just feel as if im a tool or what..though I know im not. Its just really hurting. Second, now that I know a lot of guys do hit on girls like that even though he has a serious gf, I cant trust guys at alll. I get easily suspicious and all that.... What do you guys think? Were those people going to break up anyways as they were hitting on me but then I just found out too early about it or what? Is this just a nature of men? Any comments would be appreciated....
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 all guys don't cheat but the female gender ignores guys who don't cheat. From a guys perspective, please tell me what kind of guys dont cheat then.
Asics Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Just regular guys. On second thought, religious guys.
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Just regular guys. On second thought, religious guys. Yknow what this is such a lie. I dont go for hot guys just cuz I know they do live up to their names. Even regular guys do cheat. btw tonight a religous "jewish" guy with 2 years long gf took my number so im not so sure if you know the reality right..
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 All guys don't cheat so I'll assume this is a joke. Though I am now inspired to play the world's smallest violin for you. Please sit back and enjoy the sweet sounds of my music. OH please. This is NOT a joke. Im dead serious (and I know not "everyone" cheats. There are exceptions I admit) but still. most normal guys do... and I am just so sad/mad bc i assumed they weer single bc they hitted on me but then i soon figure out that they are in a serious relationship. Pissed me off
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 even if a man doesnt cheat youll treat him as if he had and get revenge against him. it's happened to me. Just cuz it happend to you doesnt mean I would - i am not THAT girl who made you miserable. I am pretty realistic. I reason, talk, try to trust before attacking. I was just whining bc these current experiences just CHANGED me. I just cant trust anymore. (I never revenge. Id just rather leave quiet)
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'll make a couple of suggestions: 1. Redefine what 'everyone decent' describes 2. Pay attention to the men who aren't hitting on you 3. Examine why, with a generous disclaimer, you would feel the need to title a thread in such a manner. Did/do the males in your FOO (family of origin) cheat? There is a substantial chance that most people will have or have had inappropriate relationships in their lives, whether they describe them as cheating or not. I know many such women and they would never describe themselves as cheaters and there is traction for that perspective, regardless if the dynamic was situational or long-lasting. By LS standards, I've had more than a few inappropriate relationships with women but you'll hear an entirely different story from them (and I have). This is definitely one of those YMMV things, especially those R's where penises and vaginas aren't co-mingling. Hope you meet someone you can feel comfortable with and trust yourself with. They're out there.
ChessPieceFace Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Okay I know the definition of "Cheating" can vary tremendously, but I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating. OK, then that's easy. All guys "cheat" because your standards of cheating are ludicrous.
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I'll make a couple of suggestions: 1. Redefine what 'everyone decent' describes 2. Pay attention to the men who aren't hitting on you 3. Examine why, with a generous disclaimer, you would feel the need to title a thread in such a manner. Did/do the males in your FOO (family of origin) cheat? There is a substantial chance that most people will have or have had inappropriate relationships in their lives, whether they describe them as cheating or not. I know many such women and they would never describe themselves as cheaters and there is traction for that perspective, regardless if the dynamic was situational or long-lasting. By LS standards, I've had more than a few inappropriate relationships with women but you'll hear an entirely different story from them (and I have). This is definitely one of those YMMV things, especially those R's where penises and vaginas aren't co-mingling. Hope you meet someone you can feel comfortable with and trust yourself with. They're out there. Well "someone decent" to me means someone similar to me. - at least okay looking - not shorter than me - have his own job/future (cuz I do too) - and good family relationship and those not hitting on me, how am i even supposed to get their interest? Cuz they are not hitting on me because they are not interested. I can't be in a R all alone. They have to do some reaction to me at least.. btw i did admit that i did exaggerate a bit on the title and i know there are exceptions. thanks for the encouragement in the last line btw, yea...i would love to believe that he is somewhere out there.. and hopefully ill meet him before im too old..
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 OK, then that's easy. All guys "cheat" because your standards of cheating are ludicrous. what. so you think its okay that guys go drink with their new female acquaintances and say "hey let me take your number" without even revealing that they have a serious long term gf? though its not as developed at this point but I think it pretty much is like getting ready to cheat....
ChessPieceFace Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 what. so you think its okay that guys go drink with their new female acquaintances and say "hey let me take your number" without even revealing that they have a serious long term gf? though its not as developed at this point but I think it pretty much is like getting ready to cheat.... You said "I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating." 'hit on' is a broad term, which would include just being extra friendly and saying someone is cute. That's also hitting on someone and by your definition "cheating." I'll tell you this -- I'd never actually cheat on anyone. Also, I've never had a girl. Those 2 things often go hand in hand. Moral, ethical and loyal guys like me have a very hard time finding girls to show any interest in them. Arrogant jerks who hit on lots of women and treat women badly, get lots of women. Then those women come on here and complain "why are all men this way??" You think "all men" are that way because those are the only men you can see.
sochic Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'll make a couple of suggestions: 2. Pay attention to the men who aren't hitting on you Excellent advice. I'm not sure where you're meeting these "cheating men", but in most social settings I've found that overly aggressive men are the ones "bagging and tagging". The nice looking guy with a friend or two, or the guy that's sitting alone at the bar having a beer or scotch is the one you should strike up general conversation with. Be easy about it, you seem to have a lot of pressure on the dating situation and there are men with intuition who can sense that pressure. Just sit down and say "hello" order a drink and see what happens......NO PRESSURE!
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Never cheated. Never two-timed. Never openly flirted with a girl while I'm in a LTR. While in a LTR if I see a hot girl walking down the street I look briefly, then envision my GF and how lucky I am. Been cheated on twice (that I know of). Lots of girls think you as a guy are weird if you don't have a GF while trying to date someone new. Its like applying for a new job while still hired at another, most don't expect you to quit the old before seeking the new. Just the way it seems to be these days. And it works both ways, male/female almost equally. Wow yeah. you nailed the point I guess , though i despise them - and i think its more weird that youd date someone new with a gf? Maybe im the minority in this era. Its just so disrespectful to both the old and new gfs.. sigh. I dont know. Looks like Im just really bitter tonight. or. Would "normal" guys ask a girl's number without having an intention to hit on them - even there is like no official reason to take the number?
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It's interesting to learn from those who aren't flocking to you. Who are they? Why do they feel/act differently than those who do approach? What about you or them impels their distance? I'd especially suggest studying those who match up with your description of 'decent'. I do this with female friends; women for whom my presence doesn't stir their loins. I learn things about myself. They're like mirrors. For many years, I had a similar issue, as I tended to attract as well as naturally find synergy with women who were broken and/or were singular or serial cheaters. However, I knew that 'all' women weren't cheaters, so I had to look inside myself to find the answers for my apparently chosen path. Looking at those healthy women who didn't find me attractive helped, even though that perhaps sounds a bit like self-flagellation. Now I catch myself when I slip into that 'mode' which the broken ones find attractive and stop the aura and behaviors, mainly overt empathy and care. It sounds simple but it's not. Your path is your own but, if you're attracting mostly cheaters, then it's up to you to find a healthier path for yourself. The cheaters have their own path and you have no control over it, or them. btw i did admit that i did exaggerate a bit on the title and i know there are exceptions. Yes, and my suggestion was to examine why you felt the need, cognizant of that dynamic, to title the way you did, as an exaggeration. You could have titled "Why do men cheat?" or "Why do some men cheat?" or "Why do many men cheat?". Lots of options, yet you went for ALL and CHEAT in caps. I'm not criticizing the choice, rather suggesting some reflection upon its impetus. When you meet a healthy man you trust, how will you process this perspective (the title of the thread, with subsequent disclaimer) within the realm of that relationship? How will it speak to you? Will you believe in the 'exception'? Good luck
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 You said "I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating." 'hit on' is a broad term, which would include just being extra friendly and saying someone is cute. That's also hitting on someone and by your definition "cheating." I'll tell you this -- I'd never actually cheat on anyone. Also, I've never had a girl. Those 2 things often go hand in hand. Moral, ethical and loyal guys like me have a very hard time finding girls to show any interest in them. Arrogant jerks who hit on lots of women and treat women badly, get lots of women. Then those women come on here and complain "why are all men this way??" You think "all men" are that way because those are the only men you can see. Well my just saying to his friend "hey that girl there is cute" is okay lol but like actually putting out into an action is not. Say you approach a girl and hey can i get you a drink? or take her number etc, yknow? And what you mean by you've never had a girl. Like youd be in a LTR but still would not think of her a real gf?
Sanman Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 So, my question is how do you know that all these guys have girlfriends? It isn't like most cheaters advertise this fact. Most guys that I know who cheat never mention their gf.
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 It's interesting to learn from those who aren't flocking to you. Who are they? Why do they feel/act differently than those who do approach? What about you or them impels their distance? I'd especially suggest studying those who match up with your description of 'decent'. I do this with female friends; women for whom my presence doesn't stir their loins. I learn things about myself. They're like mirrors. For many years, I had a similar issue, as I tended to attract as well as naturally find synergy with women who were broken and/or were singular or serial cheaters. However, I knew that 'all' women weren't cheaters, so I had to look inside myself to find the answers for my apparently chosen path. Looking at those healthy women who didn't find me attractive helped, even though that perhaps sounds a bit like self-flagellation. Now I catch myself when I slip into that 'mode' which the broken ones find attractive and stop the aura and behaviors, mainly overt empathy and care. It sounds simple but it's not. Your path is your own but, if you're attracting mostly cheaters, then it's up to you to find a healthier path for yourself. The cheaters have their own path and you have no control over it, or them. Yes, and my suggestion was to examine why you felt the need, cognizant of that dynamic, to title the way you did, as an exaggeration. You could have titled "Why do men cheat?" or "Why do some men cheat?" or "Why do many men cheat?". Lots of options, yet you went for ALL and CHEAT in caps. I'm not criticizing the choice, rather suggesting some reflection upon its impetus. When you meet a healthy man you trust, how will you process this perspective (the title of the thread, with subsequent disclaimer) within the realm of that relationship? How will it speak to you? Will you believe in the 'exception'? Good luck Well I thought about that too for quiet some time. pretty seriously. And I stilll dont' know. i would love to choose the healthier path of attracting the right people as I used to. But I think I havent changed since though. im just the same friendly, outgoing, smiley person who likes to meet people and dont like awkwardness. Do guys think a girl is easy, if she makes the conversation easy going and act without a reservation - like if a guy (with some connection/identity that I know) comes up and starts talking, I would not mind talking and laughing at small jokes. Should I refrain those? Is this unintentionally flirty - I don't want to be like dead quiet or loook sullen . So i smile and try to keep things funny. Hm..
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 So, my question is how do you know that all these guys have girlfriends? It isn't like most cheaters advertise this fact. Most guys that I know who cheat never mention their gf. Like I said, these guys are like distant acquaintance - like a friend's friend kind of thing so even though I myself personally dont know anything about his personal life, I can ask a few people and can find out. Or sometimes, these people dare to have it advertised on fb. lol wtf
Author FlyMoon Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 you are stupid lol if you cant give an answer to them you have no right. and besides id rather see it as naive and concerned ha.
Sanman Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Like I said, these guys are like distant acquaintance - like a friend's friend kind of thing so even though I myself personally dont know anything about his personal life, I can ask a few people and can find out. Or sometimes, these people dare to have it advertised on fb. lol wtf If these are friends of friends, how do you know they are hitting on you? I mean I have met women at friends' parties that I have asked for numbers and FB just to be friends and invite them out to parties and things. It has no bearing on the fact that I have a gf as I am not interested in seeing them romantically.
martyjones47 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I've never cheated. Most of my good male friends have never cheated on their wives/girlfriends, but most of the ones who didn't have been cheated on by their girlfriends. Do I think ALL women cheat? No. In my experience women tend to be a little sneakier about it ( and good at blame shifting and/or making their partners out to be paranoid) and less obvious ( sometimes), though. That said, I would say maybe most of the males I know are more into the thinking/fantasy/looking thing rather than doing. For example, maybe my buddy is getting a lot of crap about LOOKING at and flirting with women, but his wife is off banging dudes undetected.
John Michael Kane Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Okay I know the definition of "Cheating" can vary tremendously, but I think if you have a girlfriend and you hit on another woman then I think it is a cheating. Applying that definition, Im just really frustrated how many men are hopeless. I know not everyones like that but lately, eveyone decent who has been hitting on me (pretty seriously - at least by taking my numbers or so) turns out to have a girlfriend of a long term (of at least a year or more) And that not only disppoints me but also really offends me as well and it hurts any future relationships I might potentially have. First, I'm not a slut who would hook up randomly and these guys I met at are from legit places (not like drunken losers from some random bar yknow) And still, they would dare to hit on me despite their gfs. I just feel as if im a tool or what..though I know im not. Its just really hurting. Second, now that I know a lot of guys do hit on girls like that even though he has a serious gf, I cant trust guys at alll. I get easily suspicious and all that.... What do you guys think? Were those people going to break up anyways as they were hitting on me but then I just found out too early about it or what? Is this just a nature of men? Any comments would be appreciated.... All guys do not cheat.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I've never cheated. The OP assertion offends me.
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