Author jchips Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 [quote=HeartOfAPhoenix;3586793 First Bold: you acknowledged that he was hurting. Give him a few weeks to start thinking clearly and for the resentment to settle then try again if you must. Second Bold: you should be using this time to work on yourself regardless of whether he is or not. To not take this opportunity to work on yourself is just asking for the same problems that you presented in your relationship with your ex to arise in the new future relationship. But regardless of whether he reached out or not, it doesn't matter. you two are still broken up and depending on IF you reach out, you might reconcile. Like I said in my other post: just pass the ball, but again... only if you truly want reconciliation. Thank you, Phoenix. I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom, and disagreeing with me in a way that is constructive, supportive, respectful and puts me in touch with my own deeply felt values. This is why I come to LS. (I've had to go NC with some folks who seem to just want to bash every and all female dumpers.) I feel like I have to defend what I've been doing these last 4 months to work on myself, as if I truly haven't been listening to any advice here. Do any of the following count? I'm in individual therapy to work on my family of origin issues, I have taken the long-put-off-exam to receive certification in a field I adore, I've started on a plan to open my own business in one year, I alternate weight training and yoga everyday, I'm reconnecting with old friends (that has been the BEST!), making new friends, I've begun to learn how to sew, I'm attending dharma talks in my area, and resumed my daily meditation practice. And through all of this, I think constantly of my ex, how much I miss him, all the things I wish I had handled differently and all the things I would do differently if I ever got a chance again. I'm doing everything I can think of, including trying with all my heart to accept that it's over and move on with my life. When I last posted, my ex had broken NC with some gifts and a beautiful card. My heart nearly burst with joy. We have had several very long, sometimes terribly difficult talks since then. It is clear we are both still very raw and very hurt by what happened. (We were getting married in July & had deposits on everything paid, remember?) Both of us are not in a good place to resume anything, but we both acknowledge the love hasn't gone anywhere. For now, we're just going be super gentle with each other, give each other a lot of space, continue going to therapy and deal with the issues that caused the split on our own, and learn how to be true friends again. And when it feels right, we're going to get into couple's counseling and take it very slowly. And we both agree, we want to get it right this time, and we both really want it to work- for both of us. There are no guarantees in life except this- if you don't try, you've automatically failed, right? I screwed up. He screwed up. We are both kind, intelligent, sensitive, warm, people who still love each other. I'm going for it. I have nothing to lose, because I already lost him, and we are both stubborn enough to fight for it working this time! Sadly, I have to bow out of LS now, because I found some of the responses to be so hateful, angry, cruel and destructive, that it ended up not being a safe place for me to explore my thoughts and feelings. But to all of you who have opened your hearts and shared your wisdom with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish each and everyone of you (even the one I NC'd) love, peace and complete fulfillment on this life. Good luck to every heart.
Trovador Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Too bad, as you won't come back, we'll never know that those hateful, angry, cruel and destructive opinions were so spot on...
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