ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 i d k what happened, but i got really, really sad in the last few hours. i do not feel the urge to break NC (and god knows it wouldnt do any good anyways) but my heart is hurting again. this emotional damn roller coaster is taking its toll on me! im sittin here fine, feeling strong and then bam, tears start just rolling down my face for NO REASON. i feel like i am having a meltdown with all these up & down emotions. instead of blaming him, im questioning myself. after all the hurtful things he did to me, how could i even question what went wrong? im trying so hard to maintain NC and focus on healing on myself, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, sometimes, I'm SO STRONG and sometimes I feel so weak. it's exhausting...
Fedor Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I know that feel. You just have to stay strong and maintain NC. Youre going to hear it a thousand times but it will help to know. It doesnt matter who did what at this point, you just have learn to heal.
shortee143 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It really is exhausting. Not too long ago I was telling someone how emotionally drained I feel over the breakup. It has been almost 6 months, and I am finally feeling like I am healing, mind you my ex and his new gf are in my life (many mutual friends) so its been tough seeing him a lot. I have been hurt by him a lot post breakup, and I never was given a reason why we ended, so I have done the coulda/should/woulda thing in my head so many times. I have SO much I want to say to him, but it isnt worth it. It really is a rollercoaster..up and down..some good days, and some that suck. But slowly the good override the bad. Going thru a breakup surely is an up and down emotional process. Where is a "get over heartbreak in 24 hours pill" when we need it
Lost on Jerseyshore Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I know how your feeling. 1 hour I feel strong and motivated to heal and then the next hour I am crying and doubting everything. I dont understand why he did what he did, not in the least bit!! But I hope everyday it will be a little easier to figure it out and get over it, because it it so EXHAUSTING crying everyday...
geegirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 i d k what happened, but i got really, really sad in the last few hours. i do not feel the urge to break NC (and god knows it wouldnt do any good anyways) but my heart is hurting again. this emotional damn roller coaster is taking its toll on me! im sittin here fine, feeling strong and then bam, tears start just rolling down my face for NO REASON. i feel like i am having a meltdown with all these up & down emotions. instead of blaming him, im questioning myself. after all the hurtful things he did to me, how could i even question what went wrong? im trying so hard to maintain NC and focus on healing on myself, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, sometimes, I'm SO STRONG and sometimes I feel so weak. it's exhausting... What you are feeling is completely normal. Don't let those feelings make you feel as if you're falling back. It's a process Confused. Healing is a process and as you go through the stages, it's normal to go up and down and around again. We've all gone through this. Don't for one second feel as if there's something wrong with you. Toxic relationships are even harder to recover from and heal. I remember my therapist asking me how I felt after I removed myself from my previous R that was so unhealthy. I said to her, "I feel like someone threw me in the dryer and put me on tumble dry for two years." And she said, "And now you're out and your head is spinning that you don't even know which way is up?" And that was exactly it. You leave an unhealthy situation with no answers and no closure. You're standing there going WTF happened. If you allowed yourself to be manipulated and controlled by your partner, most times you leave without being able to tell right from wrong because while you were with him, his thoughts were yours, his needs were yours, his logic was yours...you would have basically molded yourself to fit him. You would have lost all sense of reason and logic because you allowed yourself to be controlled by him. Now you've detached and you're finding it hard to rationalize what happened. Toxic relationships causes so much confusion and makes you second guess yourself. You can see the difference between green and red but if he came and said they're the same colors, you'd talk yourself into agreeing that he just may be right! In time you will be able to think clearly and be able to see right from wrong. You're muddled right now. You're seeking answers. You're asking a million "whys". You're in denial that this happened to you. A flurry of emotions are going through your head and heart. This will be a battle within you for awhile but you will sort them out as time goes by. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not doing anything wrong. If anything, you've done the right thing by removing yourself from him. You've only just begun in taking all the right steps forward. The emotions you feel are completely normal. Yes, they are exhausting. But as bad as it may seem, they're actually getting you somewhere. You are going through the process. Almost like an assembly line. You're getting flipped, turned, shaken...but you'll end up at the end of that line feeling better and happier about yourself, a complete product. It's going to take time. BUT, a big part of your healing process depends on what you do with that time. Sitting and pining will keep you stuck. Using that time to re-develop and re-invent yourself is what's going to propel you forward. And when that happens, you'll look back and playfull knock yourself on the head and wonder what the heck you were thinking!
Author ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 GEEGIRL- thank you for responding!! I wrote my X a note in the coping thing, actually made me feel better, like i was talking to him telling him what i needed and wanted to get out, but couldnt! What you are feeling is completely normal. Don't let those feelings make you feel as if you're falling back. It's a process Confused. Healing is a process and as you go through the stages, it's normal to go up and down and around again. We've all gone through this. Don't for one second feel as if there's something wrong with you. I am logically aware there is nothing wrong with me. But i have literally been broken up with my last few relationships, so it feels like there is =(. I know that I am also dating a "type" of man that I shouldn't, especially when I am at (or was at) such a good place in my life. I was single for almost 2 years and I was happy, then I got my heart broke two times in a row. Toxic relationships are even harder to recover from and heal. I remember my therapist asking me how I felt after I removed myself from my previous R that was so unhealthy. I said to her, "I feel like someone threw me in the dryer and put me on tumble dry for two years." And she said, "And now you're out and your head is spinning that you don't even know which way is up?" And that was exactly it. You leave an unhealthy situation with no answers and no closure. You're standing there going WTF happened. If you allowed yourself to be manipulated and controlled by your partner, most times you leave without being able to tell right from wrong because while you were with him, his thoughts were yours, his needs were yours, his logic was yours...you would have basically molded yourself to fit him. You would have lost all sense of reason and logic because you allowed yourself to be controlled by him. Now you've detached and you're finding it hard to rationalize what happened. Toxic relationships causes so much confusion and makes you second guess yourself. You can see the difference between green and red but if he came and said they're the same colors, you'd talk yourself into agreeing that he just may be right! You are so right. I did become someone I wasnt for him. I changed so much, I ALLOWED so much to go on that is completely against my beliefs and morals. I stood by and let him treat me like dirt, walk all over me, call me out of my name, lie to me and in my heart, I knew the truth, I just wouldn't face it. What did I expect out of a 23 year old who had never been in a "real" relationship and had strung along his "x" for 5 years without ever being with her... & you are right, everything was his- my life, my world, my decisions were basically his and I stopped standing up for myself! & he did manipulate me in every way. =( In time you will be able to think clearly and be able to see right from wrong. You're muddled right now. You're seeking answers. You're asking a million "whys". You're in denial that this happened to you. A flurry of emotions are going through your head and heart. This will be a battle within you for awhile but you will sort them out as time goes by. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not doing anything wrong. If anything, you've done the right thing by removing yourself from him. You've only just begun in taking all the right steps forward. The emotions you feel are completely normal. Yes, they are exhausting. But as bad as it may seem, they're actually getting you somewhere. You are going through the process. Almost like an assembly line. You're getting flipped, turned, shaken...but you'll end up at the end of that line feeling better and happier about yourself, a complete product. It's going to take time. BUT, a big part of your healing process depends on what you do with that time. Sitting and pining will keep you stuck. Using that time to re-develop and re-invent yourself is what's going to propel you forward. And when that happens, you'll look back and playfull knock yourself on the head and wonder what the heck you were thinking! Its so hard, but I know it's the right decision. I just wish that I could feel stronger. I know it, but don't feel it! I so wish I did when I sitting over here cryin my eyes out over someone who doesn't even feel bad for everything he put me through... =/
Author ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Thanks Fedor! I am holding onto NC for dear life! lol Shortee- If you find out where they are selling them, please let me know. I don't know how some people go through this for years? I would be so broken down, its only been a monthish for the BU and a week or so for the NC and I am lost... Lost- i think everyday that we distance ourselves from the situation, it will get easier, whether we feel it or not! i think a lot of people are left with unanswered questions, just like geegirl said! HELL NO its not fair, but that is just how some people deal with it. They walk away and dont turn back around. I am hoping that no matter how hard it gets, that is what I am going to do too.
geegirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Its so hard, but I know it's the right decision. I just wish that I could feel stronger. I know it, but don't feel it! I so wish I did when I sitting over here cryin my eyes out over someone who doesn't even feel bad for everything he put me through... You may not feel it Confused, but you're doing the strong this by standing your ground and holding to your boundaries, every single day that you list here under your belt of NC. It's not something that's going to go away over night. It is going to take time. Cry your eyes out. That too is part of the grieving and healing process. Purge it all out. it's normal to cry for someone that treated you badly. Your heart is still attached to him and you are reacting emotionally. In time those crying spells will be few and far between. I promise you. You may not think you're strong because you're crying, feeling sad, etc., but everyday that goes by that you're keeping away from him is you drawing strength from within to protect yourself from a painful and detrimental situation. Give yourself credit. The weak thing to do would be to give in. And you're not. And that takes strength and courage. You may be on the floor but it's not an indication that you've fallen. I am logically aware there is nothing wrong with me. But i have literally been broken up with my last few relationships, so it feels like there is =(. I know that I am also dating a "type" of man that I shouldn't, especially when I am at (or was at) such a good place in my life. I was single for almost 2 years and I was happy, then I got my heart broke two times in a row. Seems like you know the answers. I was in three bad relationships, back to back. I felt I was destined to be crapped on. There was something wrong with me. I was letting the wrong people into my life because my head was not in the right place. I was picking the same men. I went to counselling after this last creep. You know you are picking a certain "type" of man and the type that is not healthy for you. Question is, why? You have work to do on yourself to find out why you do the things you do. You are so right. I did become someone I wasnt for him. I changed so much, I ALLOWED so much to go on that is completely against my beliefs and morals. I stood by and let him treat me like dirt, walk all over me, call me out of my name, lie to me and in my heart, I knew the truth, I just wouldn't face it. What did I expect out of a 23 year old who had never been in a "real" relationship and had strung along his "x" for 5 years without ever being with her... & you are right, everything was his- my life, my world, my decisions were basically his and I stopped standing up for myself! & he did manipulate me in every way. =( Most likely, you will keep on picking the same type of guy because this is all you know. Until you get to working on yourself, you'll keep repeating the same patterns. Your self esteem is now damaged. Until you fix that and find ways to re-develop yourself into a stronger person emotionally and mentally, you'll fall for the same drama over and over again.
shortee143 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Its so hard, but I know it's the right decision. I just wish that I could feel stronger. I know it, but don't feel it! I so wish I did when I sitting over here cryin my eyes out over someone who doesn't even feel bad for everything he put me through... =/ I think sometimes that is the hardest part- when we are so hurt and in so much pain, and the other person just doesnt care. A lot of my hurt didnt come from him leaving...but from his lack of respect and regard. (Granted, yes, some dumpers feel a lot of pain, but I feel like that is the minority). I can honestly say, if my ex gave me a real, genuine, mature apology....god a weight would be lifted. It doesnt make what he has put me thru the last few months ok, but to recognize it would mean something to me. It really is the worst when someone you care for/love just bails like that, and doesnt give a damn (or just doesnt wna deal with it or the guilt, etc), but you know what, even more reason to be strong and do you! You might not see it now, but slowly, day by day, you are becoming stronger. It will click one day. My ex has been in my life since the day we split, and it took going thru hell and like 5 months, but it clicked. It hurts- but I am healing. You will too, you are already on your way!!
Author ConfusedT Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 exactly, in one day out the next. um, hi, did you forget about me? im sitting right here in love with you crying and you're saying bye.. & being disrespectful is what sent me over the edge in addition to the lying! ugh! LOGAN- Yes, i need to move on. My mind and my heart are fighting one another, but in this case, I have to go with my mind because my heart clearly cant see past my emotions. =( geegirl- (REALLY, i need you to live in MY BRAIN)- I don't know how to repair my self-esteem. does time heal it? do i consciously have to start thinking of myself better? will me leaving the situation and distancing myself from the toxins (= that we created have an impact? I don't know how I was so strong before and then lost it in a matter of a year, but it sure as hell ran away. thats why i said, i need ya here with me geegirl!!!
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