Fedor Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Hello, I havent visited the forums in a while. Unfortunetly though, I have problem that has brought me back here. A few months back, I had gotten back with my ex whom I was for over 2.5 yeas. Heres the thead on that:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t280173/ NewProblem: I feel stupid. After getting back with my gf, things were great. Had a fun time with eachother and it was just amazing. After a while though, the same shyt is coming back. Shes constantly reminding me that I would never do sweet things for her, that im not intimate enough and that im selfish. On the contrary, I do my best to accomodate her needs but I cant be emotional 24/7. Im getting so sick of it. I feel bad though because I was crying over this chick a few months ago. College has just started back up and I want to have fun and enjoy it while it lasts. Idk if I can take all the complaining and bullshyt anymore. I feel selfish for saying these things but at the same time, we rarely have fun anymore. When I have conversations with other women, I have a fun time and dont understand why that cant be us. What are some options for me to salvage this situation? Cliffs: -Got back with gf after she broke up with me -Feeling like same problems are here -relationship isnt fun anymore -I have better convos with other woman -Break up? -Feeling beta right now
fetish1980 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 i think you already know the answer. You're just feeling guilty for knowing and feeling it it. Perfectly normal. Just know that those feelings are not going to go away and not to let guilt run your life. You have to look out for you. I remember your story from a couple of months back and i think i remember warning you that the issues would still be there. But you have to live your own life and you made a decision, just like you have to make a decision now to stay or leave. It's hard reminding yourself of issues when you still love your ex. I even have to keep reminding myself of that same thing from when my ex of 8 years presented the idea of us getting back together. Times like now, i feel pain and regret of not going back together. But it's either deal with the pain of losing her or deal with a pain in a different form by taking her back along with humilation of trying to make it work with someone who clearly isn't right for me.
sun_moon Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Man I was hoping I wouldnt see you back on here. You cant walk on egg shells. If something isnt you then it isnt you! It sounds like you think the grass is greener on the other side. Sure its funner to talk to other girls, so what, does that man you jump ship? You dont even know the other girls. You do have a lot to think about. You are right, you cant be 'romantic' all the time, esp if it isnt in your nature.
Author Fedor Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 i think you already know the answer. You're just feeling guilty for knowing and feeling it it. Perfectly normal. Just know that those feelings are not going to go away and not to let guilt run your life. You have to look out for you. I remember your story from a couple of months back and i think i remember warning you that the issues would still be there. But you have to live your own life and you made a decision, just like you have to make a decision now to stay or leave. It's hard reminding yourself of issues when you still love your ex. I even have to keep reminding myself of that same thing from when my ex of 8 years presented the idea of us getting back together. Times like now, i feel pain and regret of not going back together. But it's either deal with the pain of losing her or deal with a pain in a different form by taking her back along with humilation of trying to make it work with someone who clearly isn't right for me. Man, Im just scared because I bought her a semi engagement ring and we have future plans. I want to be happy and enjoy things but she makes it hard. I would rather have fun with her but she always have an issue.
Author Fedor Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Man I was hoping I wouldnt see you back on here. You cant walk on egg shells. If something isnt you then it isnt you! It sounds like you think the grass is greener on the other side. Sure its funner to talk to other girls, so what, does that man you jump ship? You dont even know the other girls. You do have a lot to think about. You are right, you cant be 'romantic' all the time, esp if it isnt in your nature. Maybe, but I dont want the grass to be greener but its hard not to notice when you conversate with other woman that they actually enjoy your company and laugh with you. When your gf barely laughs with you, it sucks.
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Counseling. Find someone who can mediate discussions and help you two hash it out. You might be able to find church affiliated programs or some area- specific organization that provides counseling for nominal fee or free. Consider getting out and going away together somewhere, or doing something kind of strenuous. Put yourselves in situations where you have to rely on one another.
Wesker Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 If you're thinking of breaking up with her, do it soon. Don't be like my ex and string me along for a whole frickin year without saying a word to me about how unhappy she was. And we were together for over 7 years. You seem to want to make this work. Perhaps tell her how you're feeling, and see how she responds. If she isn't willing to change a few things, sometimes the best thing is to walk. At least you know you gave it your all even if it doesn't work out.
fetish1980 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 fedor, i didn't know you had plans on proposing to her. Maybe you need to have a sit down with her and tell her that you love her and want to make this work, and would like to try couples counseling or something. Me and my ex did that when we were thinking of marrying last year. 4 months after we ended the sessions, we were broken up. So i say that to say that couples counseling doesn't always save a relationship, but if she goes with you, that's a good sign. fetish
Author Fedor Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 fedor, i didn't know you had plans on proposing to her. Maybe you need to have a sit down with her and tell her that you love her and want to make this work, and would like to try couples counseling or something. Me and my ex did that when we were thinking of marrying last year. 4 months after we ended the sessions, we were broken up. So i say that to say that couples counseling doesn't always save a relationship, but if she goes with you, that's a good sign. fetish Thanks. But she is pressuring me for the proposal. Were young and still in college. Anytime we try to talk about our problems, its always about her. How she feels, how my actions hurt her, how shes not loved. To an extent, I feel like she wants the proposal because this will validate our love to her. But thats not right. I feel pushed away.
fetish1980 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Thanks. But she is pressuring me for the proposal. Were young and still in college. Anytime we try to talk about our problems, its always about her. How she feels, how my actions hurt her, how shes not loved. To an extent, I feel like she wants the proposal because this will validate our love to her. But thats not right. I feel pushed away. she sounds very selfish, and believe me someone who is selfish and only focused on accomodating themselves has no business getting married. Take t from me, i know. I was engaged to a selfish person who i really grew to resent and the selfishness ultimately killed our relationship. Your last sentence really stood out, maybe it was a typo but you said you feel she wants the proposal to validate "OUR" love to her. That's pretty one-sided. Has she looked at herself and asked what can she do better on her part to validate her love to you? fetish
confused1989 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I remember reading about this a few months back also, she wants a proposal and is being selfish/pushing you away. Sounds a lot like my ex and if my ex was pushing me away and making things one sided I would have to think long and hard before ever doing anything like proposing to her. I can only imagine how you must feel right now because my ex was selfish, turned everything on me, used the vague "I'm not loved" stuff no matter how much I gave her, etc. and I found her selfishness to be way too overwhelming and although I had trouble admitting it I knew this wasn't a type of girl I wanted to be involved with. Like fetish implied it has to be a two way street.
Author Fedor Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 wow, just found out she had a Facebook behind my back after she would never let me have on. Im texting her now saying its *****ing over but shes trying to hold on. Im *****ing livid right now. I could *****ing hit someone rightnow.
danceallday Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 facebook is the bane of modern relationships.
Author Fedor Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 facebook is the bane of modern relationships. Stupid FB lol
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