This is the Whole Truth.

[tolaw]

This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I hope that whoever replies is not too judgemental. Here we go. I have been married for ten years and have two children. I am now 38 years old. I have known my wife since 1989. About 6 years ago she revealed that she had kissed a co-worker and had some very strong feelings for him. Our sex prior to that wasn't great and after that it really sucked. We had our kids (twins) almost 5 years ago. Our sex life since the kids has sucked even more, but I knew that it would after kids. I am not as interested in sex since the kids because life is tiring.

 

But our relationship has been getting worse over the last 6 years. We are not at each others throats by any means but we are clearly not in love any longer even though she says she loves me. I believe she is in love with having a husband and father around and I don't fault her for that. I am way down on her priority list and this has been a bone of contention for years.

 

I always thought that that is the way a marriage becomes. it is not the movies, or television and the real love and excitement eventually dies out. And maybe it does for most. I have clearly been unhappy in my marriage for at least 3 years and thought about leaving but stayed because I do love the kids and I thought it would be easier to stay.

 

Here is the crazy part of this story. About a 14 months ago I went to see an escort. I am embarrassed by this but I did. I had seen them before. Obviously my wife doesn't know nor does anyone else in my life. I saw this woman a few times and then we exchanged phone numbers. At first I thought she was just giving me her number to see me away from her agency so she could make some more money. But I was wrong. She and I hit it off like I have never experienced in my life. We both know each others most inner secrets due to the way we met. We talk every single night and see each other once a week. i am absolutely head over heels in love with her. I never believed in soul mates but now I do. She and I can share any secrets we have because of the way we met.

 

In the last few days she asked me to give her some space to let her think about things. I have told her that I am ready to commit to her. Unfortunately I was foolish enough not to give her some space and I kept calling and calling. This infuriated her, which I now understand. I am so scared of losing her because I need to have the opportunity to see what will happen between us. I have now gone 27 hours and I fear that she will walk away from me. We had agreed to see a counsellor on Thursday, and she said she would call me on Thursday morning.

 

Any advice would be appreciated on how to deal with her and keep her in the long run

[Samson]

Well, you've certainly entered an interesting post not to expect some judgemental replies my friend: Good luck.

 

Frankly I'm surprised you have not been burnt at the steak yet.

 

And I cannot really say you wouldn't deserve it. After all, here's wife at home with twins while you're galavanting about with some trollip? Hard to feel sorry for you dude. Yeah she kissed someone, told you about it. Marriage basically sucks. OK. All understandable; THEN GET OUT AND STOP WASTING HER TIME WITH YOU.

[sportsloving]

I agree with Sampson~ if your marriage is done, caput: get out and be single then try to commit to someone else. It doesn't work very well going from one to another, there are a lot of posts here to back that up.

 

As for the rest, I don't really know what to say. All I wonder is how many folks she has done the same to, or if she is really "for real" or whatevers. But that is up to you, and you alone.

 

Either way, I wish you tons of luck and wish you the best.

[FolderWife]

You'd pick a hooker over the mother of your children I am too close to saying I hope you get AIDS!!! But I'm not going to say that. *biting tongue*

 

I hobe thomeone hewe hath bether advithe than me.

[morrigan]

You're investing more time in saving your affair with this escort than what, if anything, you've done to save your marriage.

 

If you want to continue the relationship with the escort, get a divorce from your wife. If you want to stay in your marriage, give up the affairs and ask your wife to go to marital counseling with you. Quit the sneaking around--it's not right to your wife or your kids.

[DerangedAngel]

You're investing more time in saving your affair with this escort than what, if anything, you've done to save your marriage.

 

AMEN! Very well said.

 

tolaw;

 

You need to decide between your mistress and your wife. And you need to do it fast. If you are unhappy with your wife, fine, but DIVORCE HER before you find someone else to be intimate with. Either way, you need to confess what you've been up to (also, have you been tested for STD's recently?). It's extremely likely that your wife might think she can find a better father for her children, and throw your little playmate back in your face anyway.

 

Best of luck in your unusual situation,

 

-Deranged

[littlemissomg]

...it does seem that the responses you have had are very harsh compared to some of the others on here, maybe because you are a guy, maybe because she's an escort. I have no advice, I've never cheated so I can't advise on your situation, I just thought I'd point out the advice sounds harsh!!

 

Becc x

[reachingskywards]

HI Tolaw

 

I find the advice here pretty harsh. You're not doing anything more wrong than anyone else here on this forum. The fact that the girl is an escort shouldn't be an issue as I presume you're both being careful.

 

Firstly -- don't freak out. She obviously has some sort of problem which she needs to resolve with you. She is going to be giving you the opportunity to resolve it at counselling. Could it be that she is tired of being an OW-- if so I can completely understand.

 

Secondly -- give her the space she needs.

 

Third -- go to counselling and be as honest as you can.

 

Finally -- It sounds like it might be decision time. You say you'd be prepared to commit to her .... One way or another you have to choose between the two women or one of them is going to choose for you.

 

 

I hope it goes well. Keep us posted.

 

Sky

[Papillon]

I have a question - have you had to fork out cash each time you saw the other woman? If so, i have only one word for you: "SUCKER!"