Lucky555 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Everyone said to dump my bf. Or they suggested I confront him with "when can I meet your family... I have Dow neither of the two. What is wrong with me!! Part of me is having this war with myself. I think well he has done nothing wrong. But then I say well he isn't serious about me is he? Over the weekend I spent an afternoon and night with him. He said he need to go pick up some food so I said I would help him so we could spend time with another. We shopped and it went well..then spent the evening at his place! We had plenty of time to go out for a drink or dinner or walk. Instead he wants to watch tv..:/ I am upset with this because I really want to have fun and I'm tired of spending it indoors! He acted tired...I was like seriously?! During our shopping trip he found a box of food I like. He picked it up and put it back because it was too expensive. Yes I can buy my own. I have bought food and snacks for us plenty of times too..price was high but it was special because it was for him! (this was scary that he couldn't even spend $3.00 on a snack! He makes more money than myself too. Then the next morning he is asking me if I would help him clean his place..I say no and he is annoyed! Why? Its not my mess..he lives alone! He claimed he works and doesn't have times..yet I clean my own place,work 8 hours, drive 2 hours per day, and study for a couple hours every night. The last thing I want to do on my weekend is clean his crap up!! Is he trying to test me? Is he tryin to take advantage of me? What is the reasoning behind this?!!!!! Lastly his family member invited him over while I'm with him..he then says he will see him the next day..doesnt even mention me! I'm fed up with myself because I am avoiding conflict and I'm so upset because I can't muster up my strength to find out what he wants! I am in tears because I feel this stresses me out. Like I said I'm at war with myself because he has not done anything bad to me...I just don't feel loved. He claims he does anything for me..but look at this above! He just isnt Acting like he wants something real. Any advise..to subtly not demandingly find out where "I" stand? Actions should show me..it's like he does the minimum for me and it just stinks feeling like we are not one page essentially...
DeusExMachina Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 How long have you been dating and are you two having sex?
Olive42 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I can see why everyone has told you to dump him. Have you expressed your desire to go out and do other things with him, besides watch tv? When he got annoyed at you about not cleaning his apartment, did you give in?
Author Lucky555 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 Yes we are Intimate and together for 10 months. He talks about the future but I think it's to keep me around..like feeding me bs which Is what I believe..because the actions just are not showing me he is committed. Like introducing me to his family. And I did not give in to helping him clean. I told him we barely have any time together. We only see eachother once a week. He has not even let me stay a weekend with him otherwise not letting me be his "serious" gf. I feel he makes up things he needs to do the next day I'm with him..just to get rid of me because usually he seed his family and doesn't want to take me :/. So I guess it's a matter of how much I'm going to keep hurting myself. Last time I was with him too a work associate (girl) called him ands he would not talk in front of me he took the phone far away and just left me sitting on his couch. I felt like this was rude and it was a business conversation but the fact is this is the first time he has left the room for a conversation..there was no noise so it was very odd..
DeusExMachina Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 To me it seems he is just keeping you around for his benefit(ie-sex, companionship,etc). Myself if I'm truly interested in someone then I want to take them out, "show them off", and enjoy making them laugh and smile. Obviously, you can't do that every night, it is very expensive, but at least every so often. It seems he has no interest in anything more than what he has. I say dump him and look for someone that appreciates you and is willing to forge a future with you. I wish you the best and stay tough.
Author Lucky555 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 To me it seems he is just keeping you around for his benefit(ie-sex, companionship,etc). Myself if I'm truly interested in someone then I want to take them out, "show them off", and enjoy making them laugh and smile. Obviously, you can't do that every night, it is very expensive, but at least every so often. It seems he has no interest in anything more than what he has. I say dump him and look for someone that appreciates you and is willing to forge a future with you. I wish you the best and stay tough. Ya I have this feeling. At first I thought as long as we spent time together it would be great. But I though it would progress like him letting me in his life. He is not. He doesn't invite me near his work, family, or other friends that he might know (he doesn't have a Lot). Yup I tried to progress it by inviting him to a couple occassions with my family. Like u say he is happy with the way things are. I think he says things just to keep me around. So I can't ask him in person what he wants because I know I will cry..he will tell me he is fine with how things are, tell me I'm not understanding, and say "it's not enough time" ect any excuse from being committed to me and making it known to his family . I think this is on my my mind way more Than it should be. Last weekend I felt I would have had more time alone at home. He just isnt there like a committed boyfriend would be. Thanks for input...that's it "he is fine with right now" he doesn't want more.
DeusExMachina Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 FYI, relationships start typically at the apex of the relationship. Everyone is on there best behavior feelings of "butterflies" (aka-lust) are at maximum. As a relationship grows is starts to plateau, then as you are more secure in the stability of the relationship ppl behaviors regress when we are relaxed around the other person. By this time typically you are in love and have meet the others family and friends. Seems you leaped over the butterflies and dates and landed in stay at home mode. :-/
Author Lucky555 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 FYI, relationships start typically at the apex of the relationship. Everyone is on there best behavior feelings of "butterflies" (aka-lust) are at maximum. As a relationship grows is starts to plateau, then as you are more secure in the stability of the relationship ppl behaviors regress when we are relaxed around the other person. By this time typically you are in love and have meet the others family and friends. Seems you leaped over the butterflies and dates and landed in stay at home mode. :-/ Yes I agree. I just let him know I feel. I thought for sure he would bail! But instead he says he wants to work on it..like expressing himself. I think what?! By now I have heard it all. He said he has been trying to take things slow because he doesn't know..he wants to see where things go. I still don't get why he wants to continue with me! He admitted to being emotionally distant..as a way to control the relationship! He didn't want things going too fast! I don't get after 10 months and also being friends that he can't move forward! I feel like I have been used and now he wants to continue? He wants to try now! I told him he needed to just stop and to leave if he can't be emotionally involved! I feel so stupid all this time expressing myself while him never planning on anything. I need to step back and take a break from him. I can't miss someone who doesn't actually miss me! He said oh it's only a week!! WTh! I feel he needs a wake up call. I have closed myself off and i feel it's best to stay clear of him for a little bit. I'm not doing any more till he can express himself. No point having sex if he he doesn't feel anything! Any words of advise? Whats he waiting for? I suspect him possibly having other emotional connections at work. Like I said the whole phone thing and leaving the room so off! But im giving him the benifit of the doubt to prove himself. I can't do any more .
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Sighhhhhhh. You have been saying this for the last 6 months. Everybody told you to break up.. I am not sure how much more time do you plan on losing on this jerk.
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