just_scott Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 FIRST off who comes up with these symptoms [ or names] lol IF they don't get caught ya call it cheatting IF you get caught you call it g.i.g.s. all of a sudden .lot of people posting about issues with g.i.g.s. here's the tuth .your partner cheated on you NOT because they wanted to see if the other person was better just because they had the oppertunity to do so AND personally i think the ''i wa drunk'' excuse is just that a lame excuse. JUST because your partner got busted cheatting and comes to you to clear their concience ask for forgivness,ask for another try with you doesn't turn cheatting into g.i.g.s. simply they got busted cheatting on you ,the other person doesn't want a relationship with your cheatter and they know if they confess and act all nice you'd probably take them back I'M a guy [a dumpee ] i'm with a female now that i'm into [wouldn't say we're getting married or she's the one ] i've been with her now for a little over 2 months ,it's comfortable knowing she'll be around to go out with ,even stay over my place ,cook a meal,sex, etc . BUT i've been with 2 other people during the time i've been with her and it's not because i wanted to see if the grass was greener lol it was because i had the oppertunity to do so plain and simple . I haven't gone to the girl i'm involved with and told her everything just told her i hung out with some friends and yea their were girls their also . IF she finds out i had sexual relations with these other girls id say why yes i did BUT not to see if the grass was greener or anything else like that only because the oppertunity presented itself [ i totally wasn't drunk , neither were they ] IF my [guess you could call her ] my girl-friend did it to me and i found out i wouldn't kick her to the curb or anything that would be hypocritical of me BUT i'd understand and say oh well it happend IF she is looking for something better or wants to move on [or if/when i do ] end the relationship first THEN go looking , IF the other person you or your girl/guy has been with and it's a steady on going thing then plain and simple you break it off with your steady guy or girl cause that totally wouldn't be fair to them ONCE in a while it happens ,it happens where you stray outside your relationship right now you know how many people reading this are cheatted on or cheatting and their partners just don't have a clue [if it was a one night stand or whatever] i bet the percentage would be pretty high .US ''guys'' do it because it's fun ,challenging,something different,to be cool,add another notch to our belts .we [at least I] wasn't looking for no emotional support,someone to talk to bla bla bla simply did it because i knew i could IF my ''girl'' found out and called it g.i.g.s. i'd laugh ,IF she kicked me to the curb then oh well i wouldn't mourn the relationship ,i wouldn't be depressd about it just say sail la vie and move on . we've had the ''would you ever cheat'' talk and i straight out told her i wont lie to ya would depend on the situation and circumstances ,she said OH i wouldn't cheat [but in her past relationships she has] i don't know the circumstances of it [she offerd to tell me] i wasn't [still am not] intrestead in hearing about it ,it was before i knew her IF she was someone i could say ''she's the one '' or i ''hear wedding bells'' would i have still did what i did DEPENDS oon how the girls looked,where we were ,do we know the same people etc.BUT i wouldn't hook up with them just to see if the grass were greener again i'd do it just because i could .......AND people who break up cause they caught their partner talking to someone of the opposite sex ,exchanging numbers,texting etc . BREAK UP cause most likely they exchanged numbers or texts because their intreastead in the other person and something will probably happen and they'll end up in bed together EXCEPT if it's an ex and theirs kids involved cause you'll talk about the kids BUT even that can lead to cheatting if one party isn't totally over the other things can and do happen .just my take on this whole g.i.g.s. disease lol [sounds like a disease] they gonna make a g.i.g.s. annonymous ?maybe even get a hot -line ,or a talk show ?
wilsonx Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 This post and every other post that you have posted on the forums are nothing but trolling. You are in your 40s with absolutely no life experience. I quit reading your post after the first couple of sentences. It's a real relationship problem. Its been going on since the beginning of time. Not only has it happened to me but my dad as well. And there is a psychology behind it but you are so naive that you have no concept of anything but your own personal views
123BeachFan Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 So...you're saying you are an honest guy because you wouldn't deny cheating IF your girlfriend caught you and because you told her you might cheat IF tempted? Why not just tell her you aren't exclusive, and let her decide whether or not to stay with you?
wilsonx Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 This guy is nothing but a troll dont feed the trolls stop responding to this thread
Author just_scott Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 lol wilson the term ''g.i.g.s.'' i doubt has been around since the begining of time ,though cheatting sure has been ,yepp i'm in my 40's with lots of life expireances [maybe even more than some] both you and your father have been cheatted on do you call it g.i.g..s. ? what defines g.i.g.s. what makes g.i.g.s. different then cheatting ? g.i.g.s. is a word someone coined in a book or something it's just cheatting and ended a relationship . nah me and this new girl didn't have the we're exclusive to each other talk or not maybe one day we will BUT then you have to have rules and bounderies with what you and your partner consider being ''non exclusive'' like is it o.k. just to be with someone else, or can they spend the night ,can you go on dates with them ,are they just for sex [like a friend with benefits type thing ]
Author just_scott Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 hombrew well then if as you say [ maybe it's just your situation ] where you've explained to your partner that you wanted to besingle and broken up . then to call it g.i.g.s. makes no sence what so ever [soo whoever coined the phrase g.i.g.s. may need to coin a new phrase ] if your broken up and datting your not stepping out on your partner to test the waters elsewhere and if the waters elsewhere were not better than what you left you came back which basically is what g.i.g.s. means [ leaving something you have to see if something better else where is better] can't be leaving a relationship to see if another is better if your broken up LURCH out
reimeivn Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 i dont think you honored the relationship at all. it is a sad thing for you, but you might not know because that is the kind of person you are. the people here though, they truly love with all their heart, and they are not cheaters, so your post doesnt mean a thing. it only means that there are people like you, and people like you are with the gf that you are with right now.
reimeivn Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 as a women and had a lot of choices, i was raised thinking the grass is greener on the other side. not that i did anything, i didnt believe it, but thats how a lot of mother raised their kids. i think wilsonx is just trying to put a definition on this common type of mindset that will help out a lot of people who are in pain and in confusion.
Author just_scott Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 i do honor my new relationship to a degree ,all i'm doing is posting my truth and the whole thing with labeling something [g.i.g.s.] which makes absolutly no sence to me . IF my new girl would sit me down and say she wanted acommitment from me and for her to be the nly one and i agreed to that then i would not have cheatted . like i said i'm into her BUT i'm not saying she's the one , or i'm hearing wedding bells [i don't think she is either] i thought from day 1 this wouldn't be a full blown relationship with both of our hearts and feelings involved it's just something comfortable and fills a void for now ,if she left me tomorrow i'd miss her but wouldn't dwell on it or be all depressd over it I see a-lot of people posting on here about g.i.g.s. and am just not seeing what they're sying it's cheatting no matter what term thy want to use to sugar coat it .maybe if they'd just say they were cheatted on they'd be able to feel like themselves sooner than later instead of putting some label on it. I was cheatted on recently [back in May] by someone i thought was he ''one'' i certainly didn't go around saying ahh she got g.i.g.s. [sounds like a medical term] i just said she cheatted on me and broke it off with me plain and simple
reimeivn Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 being in a relationship is a commitment scott. it is exclusive. thats why people get into a relationship. unless when its an open one, or you dont honor that. its just simple as that. if you start building emotions romantically toward somebody else while still in the relationship with somebody else, then its a form of cheating. relationship consists of emotionally and physically commitments. the point of relationship is to make people become closer and closer to each other till the point of wanting to be together for the rest of their lives. you said that its not a big deal if your gf leaves, so, the kind of relationship you have is in no way like people's here. i believe that you are not in a place to say what is ridiculous what is not.
ScienceGal Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) You need to tell the woman that you are seeing that you are not exclusive. Don't be selfish. If she has to ask you, then you don't care for her enough. If you did, you'd only want to be with her. g.i.g.s is very real, and whether you understand it or not doesn't take away from others experiences. If you don't have anything productive to add, or a serious question, why bother posting. People are here to help and be supportive, not trash on what others are going through. It makes me feel sick to know that women have to weed through guys like you. Edited August 22, 2011 by ScienceGal
Author just_scott Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 hey i'm not being ''selfish'' with this girl ,when she said she'd be going out with the girls i said cool have fun think i believe her and the ''girls'' go out sick together no one dances with the oposite sex , no one accepts a drink with the oposite sex ,no one exchanges a phone number ? some people would consider dancing , accepting a drik cheatting [ just read some posts here] i don't .SHE'S cheatted on a previous ex i'm not gonna be so quick to think she'd never cheat on me ,i don't need to hav e any talk about exlusive with her IF she chooses to with me i'll listen IF relationships were exclusive and that's why people get into them as you say THEN why is the divorce rate so high /, why would a form like this be needed ? truth is people cheat and calling it g.i.g..s. is just some term someone made up to sugar coat the bad word cheatted on WHICH is the whole point /question to my original post [it is a question] like what differenciates cheatting from g.i.g.s. ? it would be considerd a syndrome YET their seems to be no medical diagnosis of such a syndrome MAYBE some relationship shrink coined the phrase huh cause for syndomes their is usually a medication you can take ask your pharmacist what they recommend for g.i.g.s. see what they tell ya
Author just_scott Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Sciencegal ya know it makes men sick to have their girls cheat on them and knowing chances are high that they could be cheatted on again how many people took their own lives because their parners cheeatted on them ? i bet if their was a study done it would be more males took their lives then females NO one has to ''weed'' through me IF i give my word i'll be exclusive or if i think i found the ''one'' i'll be loyal [or attempt to be as much as i can] right now i'm just havin my fun out their as is she when she's out without me IF she hooks up with someone else she hooks up nothing i can do to prevent that AND knowing it's happend by her in her past well they say once a cheatter always a cheatter right ?
wilsonx Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Truth is not everybody cheats. There are people with morals. There are people that believe in doing the right thing no matter the outcome. No where in any definition have I labeled GIGS as cheating. Nor has homebrew, this is your assumption. Do some people that have GIGS cheat, absolutely. People have different definitions of GIGS. I like to think of people with GIGS as being emotionally immature. And its absolutely true. I am doing my best to show people on the forums the patterns of these type of people so that they can find people that are not like this. As reimeivn posted, a lot of people are raised to think well its ok to jump from one relationship to another because of problems in the current relationship and hop over the fence to where they think the grass is greener. This is absolutely destructive decision making. Its a win/lose decision. It does not solve the issue of the dumper's happiness. These type of people (Both Men and Women) won't ever realize that the actual problem in all of their relationships is actually them. This is not a girl specific problem. If you read the GIGS posts you see 2 specific traits in every one of them. You see the dumpee with caretaker like traits, that puts the other person first above their own personal needs and you see the dumper as being manipulative, destructive and very selfish. And this is what I have so far as GIGS. I also have been working with family histories and environment raised in and there is a pattern there as well. I have people pm me all the time their ex's family dynamics and for 90% of them, what I have said in my I am no longer attracted to you thread is spot on. As the saying goes, if it walks like a duck talks like a duck, then its a duck Edited August 23, 2011 by wilsonx
reimeivn Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 science girl is right. it makes me sick to thinking somebody being with you. it doesnt need a word from you. once you call somebody your gf, it means no cheating from your part. its unspoken. you are just a cheater. dont say that because this person do this, the other person do that, it is okay i cheated on them. it is not.
ScienceGal Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Truth is not everybody cheats. There are people with morals. There are people that believe in doing the right thing no matter the outcome. No where in any definition have I labeled GIGS as cheating. Nor has homebrew, this is your assumption. Do some people that have GIGS cheat, absolutely. People have different definitions of GIGS. I like to think of people with GIGS as being emotionally immature. And its absolutely true. I am doing my best to show people on the forums the patterns of these type of people so that they can find people that are not like this. As reimeivn posted, a lot of people are raised to think well its ok to jump from one relationship to another because of problems in the current relationship and hop over the fence to where they think the grass is greener. This is absolutely destructive decision making. Its a win/lose decision. It does not solve the issue of the dumper's happiness. These type of people (Both Men and Women) won't ever realize that the actual problem in all of their relationships is actually them. This is not a girl specific problem. If you read the GIGS posts you see 2 specific traits in every one of them. You see the dumpee with caretaker like traits, that puts the other person first above their own personal needs and you see the dumper as being manipulative, destructive and very selfish. And this is what I have so far as GIGS. I also have been working with family histories and environment raised in and there is a pattern there as well. I have people pm me all the time their ex's family dynamics and for 90% of them, what I have said in my I am no longer attracted to you thread is spot on. As the saying goes, if it walks like a duck talks like a duck, then its a duck G.I.G.S. is definitely not always linked to cheating. I have left two relationships for this reason, and I did not cheat. I simply saw what I thought would be better and I left. Like Wilson has posted, this is often linked to emotional insecurity (true in both of my cases). The dumper/dumpee traits fit also, not just for my experiences, but for other people I know as well. Also, remember that you are going to reap what you sow. It seems like you've been on the defense since day 1. In no way is it ok to label the woman you are seeing as a cheater and then use that label to justify not being faithful to her. With this attitude, I can just imagine what other parts of the relationship are a sham. This pattern of thinking will only lead to chaos and not support a healthy relationship, so will you really be surprised when it ends? My guess is you'll find a way to blame it on her. You either trust her completely, or you don't (and should not be with her). If you're simply looking to have fun by seeing other women and having sex, then I hope it really is "fun" and what you're hoping to get out of your main relationship isn't much more than that, because you're not going to get it. If you want better, maybe you should act better. If you don't want better, then keep on with your line of thinking.
Author just_scott Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 sciencegirl obviously you didn't have or suffer from g.i.g.s. if you left relationships before you sought something better ,you were single at the time . DON'T think when people mention g.i.g.s. it has anything to do with eotional insecurities BECAUSE you can have emotional insecurities in anything in life BUT the term g.i.g.s. is basically linked to relationships [if you read the posts in here] AND it'salways he/she left e for another which is considerd cheatting g.i.g.s. = Grass Is Greener Syndrome FIRST you'd ned to have ''grass'' then jump onto other ''grass'' to see if it's better ,IF your broken up with someone you don't have the ''grass'' so yea a-lot of people are assosiating g.i.g.s. with cheatting theirs no other comparrison BUT like i say g.i..g.s. is just a fany sugar coatted word for cheatting and how they added syndome in it is beyond me BECAUSE a syndrome would be a group of system characteristics of a disease ,doctors can diagnose a disease even treat them with medications i don't think a doctor has any type of medications for g.i.g.s. or can even diagnose it you're right i most probably will reap what i sow in my relationship and i'm not labeling her a ''cheatter'' because of her past episodes i'm just reading what everyone on these boards says about ''once a cheatter always a cheatter'',I ctainly aint using her past with her others to justify my behaviour i simply did what i did because i wanted to it definatly wasn't any case of g.i.g.s.,i had the oppertunity to do something and i did it ACTUALLY the other parts of my relationship are pretty great we talk ,we go out,we care for each other,we help each other out,we're even planning a little trip together DEFFINATLY not going to live together,marry, or have kids [thank god]
Author just_scott Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 reimeivn YEA i did cheat i admit that [i'd even admit that to her if questioned ] IF calling someone your b/f, or g/f has an unspoken rule [i'd guess you'd call it ] then boy are their way more people who haven't read that rule and took it to heart then people who have in both b/f,g/f relationships or marrages
wilsonx Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Lurch, Trying to have a conversation with you is like talking to a kid with down syndrome, its going to go no where. At least the kid uses correct punctuation and spelling. If you have no concept of a topic, stay out of it.
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