WindWhisperer Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Its day 15 of the break up and I have managed NC completely... But I feel like its getting harder and harder. Our break up wasnt ugly. He had the G.I.G.S and said he needs to figure himself out. Before he left he said he loved me. That night he wished me good luck for my new job and to tel him know if I need anything. I told him thanx, that I love him and will give him his space. Its been 2 weeks and I am NOW crumbling. I feel like I have lost my bestfriend. I dont want to send him an emotional message. Nothing dramatic. I want to know how he is doing. I want to know how he is dealing with the whole thing. I want to tell him about my new job and that I miss my best friend. While half my friends are telling me I must stay NC The other half are saying my break up wasnt ugly... it didnt end horribly. And that they dont blame me then for wanting to check up on him. Is NC ALWAYS the best policy? Im so confused.
geegirl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 15 days is nothing. It's only two weeks. It gets worse before it gets any better. The good thing is that the pain is temporary. Anything other than that, and that means contact, brings you indefinite pain and confusion because at the end of the day, your situation remains the same and that is, he is not ready for you or a realtionship with you. Well and good, your break up wasn't ugly. It doesn't change the fact that you're still hurting. You're crumbling at week two because you've been hopeful that you would at least have heard from him or things would have changed and now you're nervous and anxious that you haven't. Reality is hitting you. You're in panic mode. So now you want to reach out to get reassurance. What does it matter how he is doing? You're hoping he feels the same way you do and that in some way adds to your hope -- that if he feels pain, he will change his mind and come back to you? What does it matter how he's dealing with it? Are you asking because in some way you're wanting to remind him of your existence and jog his brain that you're there. You want some sort of reaction, something to keep hope alive. Say you tell him about your new job and he has some kind words for you, then you get off the phone and he's back to his GIGS or whatever. Then what? You can't find comfort from your source of pain. He is your pain. Just imagine, whether email or text, the convo. ends and now you're left without youe best friend again, then what? I know you miss your friend. But he is not your friend right now. You can't be friends when you're emotionally attached. You're trying to hold on a part of him that you need to let go for now because you are too attached. I am with your friends who tell you to NC. You told him you would give him space. Follow through. Breaking up amicably has nothing to do with whether it's ok or not to reach out. Absolutely nothing. You are on no contact because you have broken up and you need to detach emotionally in order to heal. Stop confusing the terms of your break up as justification to reach out. One has nothing to do with the other.
wilsonx Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 While half my friends are telling me I must stay NC The other half are saying my break up wasnt ugly... it didnt end horribly. And that they dont blame me then for wanting to check up on him. Is NC ALWAYS the best policy? Im so confused. Honestly, NC is the only policy. I personally dont blame you for wanting to know whats going on in your ex's life, I did want to know for a while. I actually know what shes doing and who shes doing. Do you want to know what hes doing and who he's doing? I can tell you right now you don't want to know. It will sting like no other. NC is for you and ONLY you to detach from him emotionally. That's what its for. It will help you to come out of the fog that you are in and start seeing you, your relationship and your ex for what it truly was. This is something that you need to do at some point. You can start now, or 2 weeks from now or 2 months from now or 2 years from now. It has to be done though, otherwise you are going to keep going through this same process over and over and over
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 BE STRONG and know that you are doing this for you!! I think NC is the best policy to allow yourself to heal and fully see the situation for what it is!! When you have healed, then if you still want to connect you can, but don’t do it before you have, because by the time you have, you may not want to anymore. There will always be unaswered questions, thats reality, ya know. What if/Why/How? We may never know... He may NEVER contact you again, but would you want someone like that in your life in the first place! I was almost neck and neck with you for NC and then.. I broke. I started back up again, but I feel worse than I did before. Im still crying, im still hurting, im still upset & we had one of the UGLIEST breakups- PM me if you want more info on that =( I lost myself in the relationship, it became more about him than me and I lost my self-worth, pride, dignity and I know the only way to get that back is to stay strong and let time make things better. I know that it wont get better if I continue to do the same things. But for you, you have already been so strong, just keep on. I felt like a lost a part of myself too, but know that you are whole, you just have to let time heal that wound and you are doing such a GREAT JOB. I am so envious that you were able to start day 1, if I could turn back the hands of time, I would do just what you are doing now… GEEGIRl makes an awesome point at the end!! **Stop confusing the terms of your break up as justification to reach out. One has nothing to do with the other.**
Author WindWhisperer Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 THANK YOU!!! I really appreciate all your replies for setting me straight! Really you have no idea. Still feeling sad but I need to be reminded of these things. So again Thank you! I came here to stop myself and will continue to do!
Chi townD Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 YAY!!! Good for you. Believe me, we ALL know what you're going through and that first month is absolute torture. But, I promise, it does get better.
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