Did I appear too needy???

[Pieces]

Hi, I will try and keep this as short as possible and summarise as best I can.

 

Back in May I was on a online dating site and one night got chatting to this charming and funny guy. We exchanged numbers and after a week of messaging one another pretty extensively, we arranged a date. On the day of the date I got a message from him asking if we could maybe change the date as he would have to get up early the next day. I'll be honest, this annoyed me. I don't like it when someone cancels unless it's for a pretty serious reason. I replied to say it was no problem and our contact faded. He would then message me over the next few months trying to arrange a first date. For one reason or another I would either be working long shifts and, also was never really was that bothered to meet him. Eventually I agreed to meet him for a drink a little over a month ago. I didn't even want to go on the date, but because I don't like cancelling on someone, I went and was very pleased that I did.

 

I immediately knew that I fancied him and we had a laugh together. At the end of the date we made out like school kids. It was really nice to really hit it off with someone and he made it quite clear that he liked me. A week of messaging each other loads followed the date, and then we planned to meet up exactly a week later. It was still good, but I get the feeling that maybe I showed that I was keen on him too quickly, like the chase had gone for him.

 

We again kissed like school children and he said he had a great time. We continued to message one another but his texts became less frequent. I tried to initiate a days that we could meet again and he kept saying that he was working loads. He would text me every day pretty much for the next 3 and a half weeks. Just over a week ago we made arrangements to see each other at the weekend. I explained that work had gone mad for me and that I may not make it but I would definitely try. On the day of the proposed date he messaged me saying that he was playing cricket and that he would call me afterwards. I told him that I was available to see him and would be finished by 5pm. He messaged me at 7:30 pm saying that he couldn't meet him and that he had to go to some charity function.

 

I was absolutely gutted and very very annoyed with him. I have been working long shifts and had made time for him even though I was working 26 days in a row. He knew this. He asked me if we could meet the following day and I told him that I couldn't. He said that he was free all week long and would love to see me. He went quite on me for 2 days and then messaged me saying that he is sorry that he hasn't been in touch but that he received from bad news from his Dad, and that he had some cancerous swellings that were being removed that day. I obviously gave him my best wishes for his Dad and over numerous messages, slipped in that I was free the following day if he wanted to meet up. He ignored my question.

 

By now I was pretty furious. I have been messed around a lot by guys and all I could think was that this guy clearly doesn't want to see me because he wasn't making any effort.

The following day I got a message from him, asking me out for the following night. Of course, I had to work that night!. I lost my temper a bit and said...

 

It's a shame you didn't suggest it earlier in the week as I have been on early shifts all week. He said....Sorry hon, my heads been all over the place. I said....I get that, I just don't understand what it is that you want. He said....How do you mean hon? I said....Most people make an effort when they want to see someone. I don't really get that vibe from you hun. He said....I was thinking a similar thing earlier. It's not that I don't want to see you at all, your gorgeous and lovely, it's just that we are so bleedin busy all the time though.

In anger I replied....I know we've both been busy, I like busy, I just don't want to waste my time that's all.

 

I have not heard from him since. That was 4 days ago.

 

In my defence I really like him, and I just wanted to know where I stand. Now when I reflect it looks like I am an insensitive cow because I was worried about myself, when he is worried about his Dad.

 

Is there anyway I can fix this, or should I just walk away and try not to make matters worse???

[Shaun-Dro]

Hi, I will try and keep this as short as possible and summarise as best I can.

 

Back in May I was on a online dating site and one night got chatting to this charming and funny guy. We exchanged numbers and after a week of messaging one another pretty extensively, we arranged a date. On the day of the date I got a message from him asking if we could maybe change the date as he would have to get up early the next day. I'll be honest, this annoyed me. I don't like it when someone cancels unless it's for a pretty serious reason. I replied to say it was no problem and our contact faded. He would then message me over the next few months trying to arrange a first date. For one reason or another I would either be working long shifts and, also was never really was that bothered to meet him. Eventually I agreed to meet him for a drink a little over a month ago. I didn't even want to go on the date, but because I don't like cancelling on someone, I went and was very pleased that I did.

 

I immediately knew that I fancied him and we had a laugh together. At the end of the date we made out like school kids. It was really nice to really hit it off with someone and he made it quite clear that he liked me. A week of messaging each other loads followed the date, and then we planned to meet up exactly a week later. It was still good, but I get the feeling that maybe I showed that I was keen on him too quickly, like the chase had gone for him.

 

We again kissed like school children and he said he had a great time. We continued to message one another but his texts became less frequent. I tried to initiate a days that we could meet again and he kept saying that he was working loads. He would text me every day pretty much for the next 3 and a half weeks. Just over a week ago we made arrangements to see each other at the weekend. I explained that work had gone mad for me and that I may not make it but I would definitely try. On the day of the proposed date he messaged me saying that he was playing cricket and that he would call me afterwards. I told him that I was available to see him and would be finished by 5pm. He messaged me at 7:30 pm saying that he couldn't meet him and that he had to go to some charity function.

 

I was absolutely gutted and very very annoyed with him. I have been working long shifts and had made time for him even though I was working 26 days in a row. He knew this. He asked me if we could meet the following day and I told him that I couldn't. He said that he was free all week long and would love to see me. He went quite on me for 2 days and then messaged me saying that he is sorry that he hasn't been in touch but that he received from bad news from his Dad, and that he had some cancerous swellings that were being removed that day. I obviously gave him my best wishes for his Dad and over numerous messages, slipped in that I was free the following day if he wanted to meet up. He ignored my question.

 

By now I was pretty furious. I have been messed around a lot by guys and all I could think was that this guy clearly doesn't want to see me because he wasn't making any effort.

The following day I got a message from him, asking me out for the following night. Of course, I had to work that night!. I lost my temper a bit and said...

 

It's a shame you didn't suggest it earlier in the week as I have been on early shifts all week. He said....Sorry hon, my heads been all over the place. I said....I get that, I just don't understand what it is that you want. He said....How do you mean hon? I said....Most people make an effort when they want to see someone. I don't really get that vibe from you hun. He said....I was thinking a similar thing earlier. It's not that I don't want to see you at all, your gorgeous and lovely, it's just that we are so bleedin busy all the time though.

In anger I replied....I know we've both been busy, I like busy, I just don't want to waste my time that's all.

 

I have not heard from him since. That was 4 days ago.

 

In my defence I really like him, and I just wanted to know where I stand. Now when I reflect it looks like I am an insensitive cow because I was worried about myself, when he is worried about his Dad.

 

Is there anyway I can fix this, or should I just walk away and try not to make matters worse???

 

Where you went wrong is the making-out part after your first meet. That should've been saved for further meetings between you guys.

 

As much as I hate games many women play because they hold off on just a simple date, you guys took too long to meet.

 

And then when ya'll finally did, it was like you were making up for lost time which wasn't really necessary.

 

Heavy flirting and some touching would've been good enough, but at times you got to have better self-control. If you had he would've been definitely more interested in seeing you again fast, especially if you teased him with your eyes and smile alot . More is less, remember that.

 

This one is dead in the water. I know that's not what you wanted to hear but it is. Ask anyone on these boards about how raw and straightforward I can be with people. I'm harsh at times, even an *******, but I can be very helpful when need be since I've been around quite a bit.

 

Let this affair be a crutch in the right direction next time. Look at this as a learning experience to not repeat for next time. If you're still reasonably young (30s, early 40s) you'll get another chance, but the windows will be closing up soon, so don't procrastinate. Put yourself out there!

[Star Gazer]

I dated a guy just like this one FOUR TIMES. FOUR TIMES I dated the SAME GUY, who jerked me around this same way. Things would be sunshine and roses, and then all of a sudden he'd start playing the flaking game. Each time, I got pissed and ended things. Each time, he came crawling back...but only the fourth time did I finally throw 6 feet of dirt on top of that coffin.

 

Don't make the mistake I did. This one is dead. It won't get better.

[Pieces]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

I wished I refreshed the page because I didn't see them and in a moment of madness, sent him a message apologising...

 

 

I said...I just want you to know that I have been feeling extremely ****ty for being grumpy with you the other night. I ****ed up and I know it. It's no excuse to say I'm pretty damn exhausted and that I became frustrated with the fact that I am working so much. I am more that aware that my woes are nothing compared to what you're going through with your Dad. For that, and being moody, I'm hugely sorry. I really do hope your Dad gets the results you are all praying for. Take care of yourself x

 

I don't regret sending it. I didn't want to appear like an insensitive bitch / psychotic. He still may think I am, but I feel better for saying what I wanted.

 

As for dating him, I think that is done. Maybe it's a very good thing if I was frustrated by him very early on.

[Star Gazer]

I wish you hadn't sent that, because now he will think he still has an opportunity to weasel back in. Hope you're able to remain strong.

[sm1tten]

I agree that this one is dead. I don't think it's the making-out that killed it; it's all the flaking and busy-ness on both sides. Too much texting and not enough dating, too.

 

ETA: ugh, I wouldn't have sent that. He is not likely to care if you were an insensitive bitch or not, because he wasn't terribly interested in the first place. Just let it go.

[Pieces]

I hear what you are all saying. I will learn from this in every way. My gut instinct was right about him, but I just wish my timing to tell him so would have been better.

 

I know guys can be very lazy if they think they have got you. In truth, I made it very obvious that he had me. I told him that I liked him and that I looked forward to seeing him. Neither is actually bad things to say, just to the wrong person.

 

I know that he is not interested in me really, otherwise I wouldn't have felt the way I have done over the past few weeks. I am of the opinion that if I guy wants to see you, then he will.

 

At least if he does come back, I may have the upper hand and will just decline politely. It makes me mad that women can't say what is on their minds for fear of sounding too needy or nuts! Guess it's all part of this dating game!