FitChick Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 If a girl has several photos, and none show more than the face, it's safe to say she's overweight. I use similar reasoning when a man posts several photos showing his hairline in various stages of retreat. It's quite easy to surmise the photo of him with the least hair is the current one.
strawberryshortstack Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 This makes no sense at all. It would be like applying for a job and downplaing your achievements on your resume because you want to come off as humble. Not quite. Using the resume example - you have to tailor the resume to the type of job you're looking for. If you're looking for a job in computer engineering, you're going to downplay the waitressing positions you had in college and play up the technology careers you had later in life. I have features that can sometimes attract a certain type of man that doesn't interest me. So the pictures I post on online dating sites tend to be from the shoulders up. This way, I'm more likely to receive messages from someone who actually wants to get to know me based on what I've written. I won't take my pictures down entirely, because I do realize that attraction is important initially, but shoulders up is all you get for that until you've decided you want to at least meet me for coffee. If you don't like what you see at that point...don't ask me out again.
strawberryshortstack Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Fatties can be very deceptive. I always demand full body shots since I'm not attracted to the bus riding tubbies. If she becomes defensive then I just weeded out another fatty. Also, avoid women with food in their usernames. so, the fact that I have "strawberry" in my username would automatically make me an unattractive option? What if I told you that it actually has nothing to do with food, but alludes to the color of my hair? But then, since you've already crossed me off the list, I wouldn't get the chance.
Jaina19 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I think it's important to have at least one full body shot, and to have recent pictures. I have been tricked by a few men in the past, one had pictures that were 4 years old (NO excuse for that) and described himself as athletic when really he was overweight. There's nothing more annoying when it comes to online dating than the feeling of being deceived. Even if there was a great connection I wouldn't be interested in someone who was lying before we even met.
Casablanca Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I will if their description of body is thin or athletic...though I found one who thought body type = athletic meant they did athletic things, at least that is my only guess because she did not have an athletic body, she was average at best if not a few extra pounds Good analogy... however, on my resume, I accentuate what I want to be hired for... I don't want a man who is primarily looks driven. But there should be some physical attraction, you can tell based on their responses and questions if they are interested in you for who you are and not just what you look like Then to continue your analogy, providing a body-less picture would be akin to providing a resume with gaps in employment where you only show the jobs you want people to pay attention to. That automatically raises red flags and makes people wonder what you're hiding, even if what you're hiding is a supermodel's body. Me personally, my bull***** radar goes up whenever I come across someone who is too overly humble or self-deprecating. Great response to the analogy!
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Not quite. Using the resume example - you have to tailor the resume to the type of job you're looking for. If you're looking for a job in computer engineering, you're going to downplay the waitressing positions you had in college and play up the technology careers you had later in life. I have features that can sometimes attract a certain type of man that doesn't interest me. So the pictures I post on online dating sites tend to be from the shoulders up. This way, I'm more likely to receive messages from someone who actually wants to get to know me based on what I've written. I won't take my pictures down entirely, because I do realize that attraction is important initially, but shoulders up is all you get for that until you've decided you want to at least meet me for coffee. If you don't like what you see at that point...don't ask me out again. Disagree. /
Casablanca Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I think it's important to have at least one full body shot, and to have recent pictures. I have been tricked by a few men in the past, one had pictures that were 4 years old (NO excuse for that) and described himself as athletic when really he was overweight. There's nothing more annoying when it comes to online dating than the feeling of being deceived. Even if there was a great connection I wouldn't be interested in someone who was lying before we even met. I agree with this, Ive had the athletic but turned out to be a few extra pounds....what goes through these peoples minds? Like we wouldnt notice? The one that deceived me I might have considered her if she would have been honest instead of trying to hide which is why I almost never go for face only shots if they are described as average. Also I hate when someone puts a few extra pounds and no body shots...you put that you say you have a few extra pounds, but it would be nice to see your definition of a few compared to mine. I can work with a cute face and a few extra pounds, but not a cute face and enough extra pounds for 5 people.
Jaina19 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I agree with this, Ive had the athletic but turned out to be a few extra pounds....what goes through these peoples minds? Like we wouldnt notice? I just can't understand the reason for the deception since it becomes obvious within 2 seconds of meeting. The guy I met seemed to think that because we got on so well by email that I wouldn't mind that he looked much older and fatter than his photos. The one that deceived me I might have considered her if she would have been honest instead of trying to hide Exactly! This particular guy I had loads in common with and we had a great connection. He was not bad looking, and I probably would have still gone out with him, just it's a pointless lie and makes you wonder what else they would lie about.
FitChick Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) This particular guy I had loads in common with and we had a great connection. He was not bad looking, and I probably would have still gone out with him, just it's a pointless lie and makes you wonder what else they would lie about. So if he looked exactly like his photos and you looked like crap on your date but he said you looked beautiful, you'd dump him because he was lying? If he knew you'd slaved over baking a special cake for him and it was inedible but he said it was delicious, you'd wonder what else he was lying about? People lie all the time, including people who say "If he/she lied about XYZ, what else are they lying about?" There are many types of lies with different grades of importance to various people. If you had said you only date male models, yes, him lying about his appearance would be important. Edited August 23, 2011 by FitChick
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Then to continue your analogy, providing a body-less picture would be akin to providing a resume with gaps in employment where you only show the jobs you want people to pay attention to. That automatically raises red flags and makes people wonder what you're hiding, even if what you're hiding is a supermodel's body. Me personally, my bull***** radar goes up whenever I come across someone who is too overly humble or self-deprecating. ok. To each his/her own. I'd argue that a very rich man wouldn't post his income either... and would always wonder if the other person chose them because of the $$ or his true self. That is/was my concern. I didn't come to my 'style' easily... While I'm very grateful for my good looks and health (all genetic)... It is not all or even part of what I have to offer. It is probably more a feature of online dating that I'm resisting with that method though. Ultimately, I made the decision that the basic premise of online dating is not consistent with my values, style, and pace... At least not in the region I currently live. And so abandoned it...
thatone Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 But here's my question, if people see a few pics of one another, and they chat a bit and seem to click, why not meet up at least for a coffee, rather than sending them on missions to take more pics before the meetup? I mean just meet already, if it sucks it sucks, end the date and don't go out with them a second time. because she's not after dating, she's after an attention fix/control games.
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'd argue that a very rich man wouldn't post his income either... and would always wonder if the other person chose them because of the $$ or his true self. That is/was my concern. Except that income level isn't a central feature of online dating, whereas looks are. So the analogy isn't overly relevant...it would be like a well-endowed man avoiding describing the size of his d!ck on his resume because he doesn't want to be evaluated by how large he is. Well, it wasn't part of the evaluation process to begin with, unless he was auditioning for a p0rn.
iJester Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I use similar reasoning when a man posts several photos showing his hairline in various stages of retreat. It's quite easy to surmise the photo of him with the least hair is the current one. That is certainly a fair conclusion to make. I dunno why you're rolling your eyes.. or why you only responded to that particular conclusion, when I brought up other points and questions too. Did I hit a nerve, FatChick?
FitChick Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 That is certainly a fair conclusion to make. I dunno why you're rolling your eyes.. or why you only responded to that particular conclusion, when I brought up other points and questions too. I "rolled my eyes" because most men will have their main photo showing them with a full head of hair, the photo clearly taken years ago. Then when you open the profile and see current photos, they look entirely different. One man had been wearing a toupee in the main photo and was totally bald in later photos! I guess you missed my post about my gorgeous friend who weighed 300 lbs. She only ever posted pix of her face and then wondered why she was rejected when she met men in person. I told her there were men specifically looking for fat women and because she had such a pretty face, she'd have an advantage. I guess she was in denial about her weight. I'd agree with the previous poster who said online dating is mostly about looks because people who are photogenic have the advantage. I'd also add that people who write well have an advantage.
FitChick Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 because she's not after dating, she's after an attention fix/control games. Actually it's more about not wasting time and money flying thousands of miles to meet someone who looks nothing like his photos.
Professor X Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 ok. To each his/her own. I'd argue that a very rich man wouldn't post his income either... and would always wonder if the other person chose them because of the $$ or his true self. That is/was my concern. I didn't come to my 'style' easily... While I'm very grateful for my good looks and health (all genetic)... It is not all or even part of what I have to offer. It is probably more a feature of online dating that I'm resisting with that method though. Ultimately, I made the decision that the basic premise of online dating is not consistent with my values, style, and pace... At least not in the region I currently live. And so abandoned it... As much as I hate to disagree with you (since you liked my avatar and it's a big +1 for you lol) I think we can both agree that for a RS to happen one has to be attracted to both the personality and the physical appearance of the other person. And by posting your full picture in your profile you can instantly filter one of the 2. HOWEVER, this can change greatly between people: I can attest to myself that if I am attracted to a womans personality than her physical appearance will increase in my eyes exponentially - but still, keep in mind that 0 times exp will yield zero, so some physical attraction has to be there from the beginning. And vice versa.
oaks Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Okay, I was wondering, guys. If you see pictures of a pretty lady, but she has nothing from the neck down showing in the photos...do to chance it? Would you judge whether or not she might be overweight? Or would you rather a woman have more showing than just head shots? I don't judge someone for being overweight, but I don't really want to date someone who is obese (again). I'd prefer someone who leads an active and healthy lifestyle (because I do) and who has a body that suggests that is the case. Not someone who can't walk to the shops without getting out of breath. So, sometimes I get suspicious about head-only photos and look more closely at the photos and words. Yes, sometimes I'll contact her anyway as I know you can't always tell. I also get cautious when they don't fill in the 'body type' box (although I've seen all sorts choose 'Average' to know that it isn't always helpful).
antinko Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I tend to simply go with instinct and try to hook up as soon as is comfortable for the other person. That way, we can get things over and done with quickly or start forming a relationship. I dislike chatting online for ages... The fact of the matter is that, even without photo editing, people often look a lot different in their photos. I've been on a number of dates as a result of meeting people online and every time - every time - the person is much different to the personality I saw online.
thatone Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Actually it's more about not wasting time and money flying thousands of miles to meet someone who looks nothing like his photos. thousands of miles? i thought i was pushing it a bit far for being in a relationship with someone in a city i only spend half of my time in.
Casablanca Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I've been on a number of dates as a result of meeting people online and every time - every time - the person is much different to the personality I saw online. Throughout my year+ of trying online dating as an extra avenue to meet people I've met 5 people on there, all acted the same personality wise, 3 looked exactly like they did online (one I'd argued looked a little better in person) 1 claimed to be athletic body (face shot only) and turned out to be a few extra pounds/average depending on you're def...so way off IMO And the other claimed to be average and her body shots were of her a few pounds less ago...she was a few extra pounds, but since it wasnt as drastic as a jump from the person as I mentioned above, I would have considered seeing her again, though she never called me back... I guess the younger you are the less you have to worry about people fudging things like age and hair
zengirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'm going to go a different way: Personally (I'm a gal who dates men, but you could apply this rule across genders) I never dated a guy from online who didn't have at least one photo of him in public/doing something/etc. Doesn't mean he's in a big crowd, but it shows, "Hey, people have actually hung out with me and taken pictures outside of my house I'm not embarrassed of." So yes, all these "I take my own pictures, that's all I have," stuff doesn't sit well with me. The pictures, like the essay, should show a full synopsis of who you are, and if you're someone who never leaves the house and doesn't have anyone else to take pictures of you. . . we probably aren't compatible. I always had pictures of me hiking, traveling somewhere, with friends, etc. I also had at least one basic no-frills face shot that was recent and generally at least one with (this is weird, I know) no makeup. Might explain why I attract the guys who like gals with less/no makeup, even though I am a Southern gal at heart and wear makeup almost everywhere I go. It's weird. Anyway, all irrelevant to me at the moment, but that's how I do it.
FitChick Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I like the websites with voice options. The sound of someone's voice really, really makes a difference sometimes. There was a profile of a retired man who said he travelled all over the world (adventure holidays in third world countries), volunteered for charities, took dancing and yoga classes, etc. Seemed like a very energetic type with never a spare moment. His voice told a different story. He sounded ancient, tired, depressed, cold, no hint of humor. The opposite also happened -- the man's profile was just okay, nothing outstanding, the guy's appearance was average, but his voice made my toes curl, it was so sexy, warm, BBC English accent, sophisticated cultural references. He was very funny in that quirky British way that I love.
Author irc333 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 BBC English accent, sophisticated cultural references. He was very funny in that quirky British way that I love. Did he ask you these
Casablanca Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Did he ask you these Awesome! I also had to reread what she said because the first time I saw BBC (I didn't think British Broadcasting Company)
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I'd agree with the previous poster who said online dating is mostly about looks because people who are photogenic have the advantage. I'd also add that people who write well have an advantage. Physically attractive but terrible writer beats out average looks but good writer every time...
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