RedIvy Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I left this guy after 5 months of dating for very good reasons-he was a manipulative, piggish jerk. However, the "good times" are still haunting me. I was falling pretty hard for this guy. I was excited about him. Now that it's over, I can't seem to shake it. I know he's wrong for me, and he's not a good person...but seriously, why am I so weak with this? Last night I went on a date who ironically was someone i had a thing for way before my ex. He's back in the picture and asked me on a date. It went well...he was nervous obviously...nice guy, seem to be very respectful....but the whole time I felt strange being there...like, the "it wasnt the ex" feeling...but my question is why am I feeling that way when I was being abused by my ex?? My head is going through so many emotions and I would love the advice. Please help me.
Wumbo Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) You need to remember that your ex wasnt the right person for you, a proper relationship, which is set to last a long time, has both people respecting and loving each other, not abusing them or manipulating them. Love should stop you from wanting to manipulate them for your own benefit. Im sure you expected this but you need to go/stay NC and move on, (try some articles in the 'coping' section) theres so many other people out there who would love an amazing girlfriend and would be amazing partners right back. Also, i think the first few dates will be strange and feel 'unnatural' almost like you're cheating, just go on them to get some confidence, noone would expect you to fall for the first guy you date after a breakup, and definatly dont rebound, you will feel worse, you need to get your own respect and confidence back first before another relationship. Edited August 22, 2011 by Wumbo
geegirl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I left this guy after 5 months of dating for very good reasons-he was a manipulative, piggish jerk. However, the "good times" are still haunting me. I was falling pretty hard for this guy. I was excited about him. Now that it's over, I can't seem to shake it. I know he's wrong for me, and he's not a good person...but seriously, why am I so weak with this? Last night I went on a date who ironically was someone i had a thing for way before my ex. He's back in the picture and asked me on a date. It went well...he was nervous obviously...nice guy, seem to be very respectful....but the whole time I felt strange being there...like, the "it wasnt the ex" feeling...but my question is why am I feeling that way when I was being abused by my ex?? My head is going through so many emotions and I would love the advice. Please help me. It's perfectly normal to feel this way. You had hopes and expectations for this to work out. You were getting emotionally attached to him and in your mind formed an image of what life was going to be like with this guy. He's now dissapointed you and while you know he is bad for you, you're still clinging on to what you hoped could have been. You're romanticizing him and what was. You're holding on to the good because it made you feel great about him and the potential of an R. Eventhough that potential is gone, you're still going to latch on to those good feelings. You're thinking with your heart. As you step back, stay NC and slowly emotionally detach yourself from him, the reality of who he is will slowly begin to outweigh the fantasy of him. What you are feeling is completely normal. I went through an R with an abusive person too and eventhough my mind could rationalize that he was cruel and manipulative, my heart still held on to the little that was good. You love this man. He may have treated you badly, but while you are still emotional about him, you will for awhile, feel sad and feel a loss for what you thought was a possible chance at happiness. It's no so much him per se but the potential of what you thought you could have had with him.
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