Sophie14 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I’m really thankful I found this site. My husband works abroad for 2 years now. He goes home every 6 months. We have two kids and Im also working. His flirting started a year after he worked abroad. I know the password of his email and FB. I read on one of his messages in FB he was telling a previous college crush that she has an angelic face. There was also an email to one of my sister’s friend who also works on the same country he is working telling her she was pretty. And another message to one of her friend that she was sexy and has a flawless skin. I didn’t mind this for I trust him that he will not go beyond this “innocent flirtations”. And besides I don’t want him to know that I can open his email accounts. But everything changed just this July. I was able to open the chat conversation of my husband. Good thing it can now be saved even if you’re using it on a different computer. I found out he’s having sex chat with another woman. What was saved on his email was just the last 2 video chat they had (june & July). On their June chat, my husband was flattering her and was able to convince her to show off her upper part (you know what I mean). I won’t anymore tell the details but from their chat, he was kind of excited and they’re engaged into a sexual fantasy. On the July chat, the woman requested him to show his organ (you know what I mean) which he did. What is painful is we were also chatting on a different Chat Program. They just did the act after we chatted. He mentioned on the chat that he will just show his organ after he chats with the other one (referring to, me) because I might see it. The other woman is a previous work acquaintance based on our country. So they also doesn’t have any physical contact. The other woman has 3 kids. She was a friend in his FB that I was able to view her profile. On the chat, this other woman wants to see him when gets home, but here’s the script of my husband “ I can’t promise but someday” I found on his call history that they had 5 video chats since 2010, around 30-45 mins video chat. On the other chat program,, I don’t know how many times they had video chat since I can’t open it. I cried for a night and was not able to sleep. I just couldn’t imagine he did this to me. He was a good husband and a father. He was very loving and he was my bestfriend. He was someone I could just talk about anything. At first I don’t want to tell him for he might say I was invading his privacy. I was afraid he might get depressed since he was away from us. To make the story short, I emailed the other woman. That email, I forwarded it to my husband. I told him the pain I felt of because of his online cheating. We did not talk for 2 days ( I advised him not to call me). On the 3rd day, I made the first move. I emailed him again I want us to be together again for I still love him and love our family. He emailed me apologizing profusely. He did it because he was tempted especially on times he was alone. We talked a day after, but we did not talk so much about it. He was kind of avoiding it. He even told me he had this kind of chat with other women online. But he doesn’t know them. I told him not to do it again. He promised also not to do it again. I blocked the account of this other woman so they won’t have any contact. But I know she has the phone number of my husband, so I don’t know if she calls him through the phone. We went back to normal. We were extra sweet. I really find time to talk to him. I advised him on his work problems. ( he was kind of burned out already). I even insisted that he should go out with friends so he won’t be bored. He calls almost everyday. But deep inside, I don’t trust him anymore. I just don’t show it. There are instances I was happy I thought my trust to him would return to the way it was before. But there are times his chat with this other woman keeps playing on my mind making me hateful of him, wanting to go and leave the kids. I became paranoid. I keep opening his emails several times a day. There are times I’m ok most especially if he was able to call. Just 2 weeks ago, he lied about his salary. I knew he had an increase but he never told me about it. I saw his online bank statement so I know the exact salary. I became paranoid and sad again. But I didn’t tell him this. I was hoping I would just recover, fortunately I did. Just last night we were chatting, when he cut off our chat for he has to go back to work. I noticed he changed his profile picture (from the picture of his two kids) to his picture alone. He just took it through snapshots on that night. I found out in FB in a sort of forum he was into, there is this desperate woman looking for someone to chat to. He was fast. He message this woman telling her his Screen name. Luckily this woman is not responding to him. Well his message was short telling only his screen name. But why does he have to change his picture? He doesn’t want the other woman to know he has kids? So here I am again, keeping to myself the pain he is causing. I am contemplating on telling him this or not. He’s having problems with work lately, he wants to resign because he was so homesick already. He’s kind of pressured to work abroad for the pay is high and we need it to buy ourselves a house. And I don’t want this to add to his problems. By the way I didn’t confront him about his early innocent flirtations in FB. It was just the Video chat I confronted. Again I don’t want him to know I can open his FB. So this is the price I get for getting nosy, I got hurt for knowing the truth. And after knowing the truth I just keep it to myself for I don’t want him to be depressed since he is away from us. If he is not just away from us, I would really tell him this. He’s coming home December, I don’t know if I can wait that long in confronting him. I want to tell him all the misdeeds he did. There are times I just want to leave him. I’d prefer to be single and alone than to be married and being cheated. He really changed a lot since he worked abroad. Or his flirtations might be a symptoms of a deeper problem we are having which he doesn’t tell me. Thank you for those who took the time to read my long story. Thank you that I was able to share this. I can’t share the full details of my problem to my friends most especially on the video chat for I don’t want my friends to think badly of him. I just told them a subtle version of the story. It’s enough for me that I was able to share this. Thanks!
TigerCub Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I'm very sorry for your pain and the betrayal that you feel. One thing did strike me as odd. If your H knew that you found out about the chats and the online cheating because you know his facebook and email passwords, wouldn't a smarter man who still wanted to cheat create new accounts that his wife would not even know about? So either: a. your husband is an absolute moron, or... b. he really doesn't care what you think, he doesn't care if you catch him again because there are no consequences to his cheating. hey, it could be both options, but my guess is that its (mostly) option b. You wrote them the email and he didn't write to you until you wrote to him again (sure, you told him not to, but come on!! if he was really afraid of losing you, he would have called you regardless.) Then after all that, YOU blocked that woman's account, not him. He's doing what he wants and he's flaunting it in your face because he doesn't fear any consequences. I'm sorry if what I've said is hurtful, but that's how I see it.
reboot Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 there are no consequences to his cheating Cutting right to the important part....
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