mullberry Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I have been reading Kamillas post and am amused that I am the guy who has realised what was lost and have tried in an unsubtle way to let my ex know this. I realised that during our 5 year relationship I was wishy washy and avoided commitment. However, I was 100% committed and always there for the important things, fully supportive throughout all her many issues and never even looked at another girl (despite the issues rolling over in the bedroom ). Never cheated, never lied just loved her as best I could. So I took the grand jesture route. Told her I had made mistakes that I wanted to talk about "us" getting back together etc that I loved her. But I was once again rejected. So I went nc. In fact I told her not to contact me deleted her from fb etc. That lasted nearly 2 months until I got a facile one word text, which I stupidly replied to. Then another 3 weeks and I got a text about some missing furniture she thought I had (??). All adds up to me thinking about her again, and wondering despite my previous 'heart on the line' conversation, should I try again? I worry that this will become a pattern though, me feeding her ego (as mine diminishes) as I tell her once more I am willing to give it another go.. Or should I listen to the numerous rejections and get on with my life. I suspect she has a touch of GIGS (but then so did I early on). The breakup was really hard and despite being emotional she seemed cold but I am sure she could love me again given the chance. Why do some women just slam the door shut and move on? I was her longest relationship but she has had similar style breakups in the past, so I also think it is part of her make up?!
lapse Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 However many it takes for you to either work it out or decide that the relationship isn't a healthy place for you and your SO to be.
Author mullberry Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Thats a good answer. I suppose I feel like its all coming from me though and would have expected something back from her during this time apart but havent had anything. Im not very good at accepting it over and I worry that by the time she realises what she lost I may have moved on. That would make me sad. if I keep pushing though I may scare her away for good.
Author mullberry Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I need some help all. Ex is taking a job which means a lot of travelling away. We haven't spoken for 2 months (except one bout of practical texting). Should I break my self imposed nc to wish her luck? Part of me wants to in order to show I still care, part of me wants to because I really do care, and part of me wants to so she doesn't forget me. If I don't I will miss a big event in her life and possibly an opportunity to remind her of the kind of person I am.
IfiKnewThen Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 if you dont end up kicking yourself.....no matter WHAT happens...then i say try again. it sounds like you still love her.....and something is calling you within to try again. so listen to that voice and try. life is short. if she rejects you again and doesnt want you then you absolutely know you did everything you could and can and then brace yourself and move forward and tell yourself it is truly over so that you truly can begin to move forward with a new life. first you must heal tho. all this takes so much time. so the sooner you accept its over, the better off you will be and have more time to yourself for healing....instead of hoping. but first you must know you did all you could. so try again. say everything to her...you want to say...in a loving way...not blaming....and tell her what she meant to you. then see whats what and take it from there. at least you wont regret...never fully trying. but you have to know after that...when enough is enough..and move forward, if it doesnt go your way. good luck.
NursingGirl Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I remember you! We are all different and I think as long as you understand that if you are rejected in some way (and the chances are good of that happening) or even FEEL rejected in some way, then you will have a start-over recovery period. But if you think and feel like this is an important event that you should comment on to her, then do it because you will have to live with the "what ifs" if you don't. Keep in mind, though, that eventually, the "what ifs" have to stop because of the continued contact, ripping the scar open again feeling. You have done what most breakup partners have not done....you have reflected and gone back to her and put yourself totally on the line and not with some lame texts and sh*t. You can't do much more than that. At some point, you have to let it go. Let us know how it goes!
Author mullberry Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Hi, in short, it didn't go at all. I agonised about it but in the end decided I had given her enough heart on the line chances and if they weren't enough one more would only serve to harm me further! So I let it go. I have heard from her since (more of the same lame text about domestic stuff) which I have replied to (although I find annoying). I believe she wants to make contact with me on some level but unless she says she misses me, she gets a short and direct reply to her questions. To move on though I went speed dating (fickle huh?) Met someone cool but got dear johned tonight (hence my return to the board and thought I would check in on my post). Moving on his not easy is it! Taking knocks and having the strength to get back up again. Honestly thought I was stronger than I am! Oh well, a good nights sleep is in order!
IfiKnewThen Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 you are being strong. just being in love, when its not returned..sux. or when you suspect its not returned..the way you like. and starting over is tough. it is a journey. hang in there. and if it helps read mcgupps post here on LS. again, one of my favorite posts...you have to read it thru and thru to really appreciate it and his steps. its a little bit lengthy but worth the read. if you want it, to help you get thru it .. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/?highlight=mcgrupp otherwise, all i can say, which also really helps you get through it, is to be your authentic self. and be kind to her. and that's not putting your heart on the line. its liking you better. if then, she doesnt say she misses you... you know you did all you could..and too bad for her and move forward. i hate when people say move on. they make it sound simple. its not. but move forward and it becomes easier.
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