ja123 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 This is a site which though geared to men is open to women as well (I'm a woman btw): Why Men Are Attracted to Crazy, Emotionally Abusive Women http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/02/17/why-men-are-attracted-to-crazy-emotionally-abusive-women/ Abuse can be from either sex, though there doesn't seem to be as much information available for men ... and I very much try to keep an open mind and not blame someone due to sex, or race, etc. I was wondering if men feel there is a stigma attached to admitting publicly to having been abused or mistreated by a woman? Do men feel that admitting this is shameful due to societal expectations of manhood? Or not? If you can admit it, with whom are you most likely to share this information? friend (male or female), family, professional ... and how did the sharing go? did you feel better? accepted? or judged?
thatone Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) a huge amount of men feel a stigma about admitting to being abused at all, whether it be by women or other men. male psychology: you are supposed to deal with your issues by yourself. you are the one who is supposed to do things, get things, accomplish things. you do not accept help without being able to reciprocate help (aka exchanging favors). if you cannot deal with issues by yourself, you're weak. case in point, in popular culture... it's funny but it's true! as for admitting such things... i will admit to them, to family members i trust or SO in a relationship (not just a dating). and even if i do admit to them, i postscript the details with how i handle such situations on my own, it's a knee jerk response to explain that "yeah she did this but oh well, i'm fine, i dealt with it". it's a natural tendency to want to point out that no matter what someone else did to you they didn't 'break' you, you handled it because you're a man and you take care of stuff like that on your own. Edited August 22, 2011 by thatone
Author ja123 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) Neal, I saw the youtube link and I think they're going for humour, but I really didn't find that funny. Still so many stereotypes in the media, eh? It's interesting how you said it's necessary to add postscripts to what is shared in order to show the situation was resolved like a man. I get the impression it must be awfully lonely to be a man. Edited August 22, 2011 by ja123
thatone Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) it's not really that lonely. men have an ingrained 'code' for dealing with such things, it's genetic, we don't even think about it, it's the natural male tendency to act that way. when i have a difficult professional situation to deal with, for example, and i'm mulling over the possible circumstances and is the other party trying to take advantage of me, or am i trying to take advantage of them, and how i'll react to each possible outcome, if it turns out well it's a pleasurable success. if it turns out poorly, i saw it coming so i still get a bit of an ego boost for being smart enough to see the failure on the horizon and not being as damaged by it as i would have been if i had been surprised by the failure. the same positive emotion women get from the acceptance of others or nurturing others, men get from doing these things by themselves, for themselves. and self sufficient/self confident being attractive to women isn't an accident, think about it. women are attracted to men who act this way, because that's how normal productive men act. if they don't act that way there's something different or not quite right about them, and as with any other species odd traits are not generally attractive to the opposite sex, nature breeds the odd ones out over time. as a side note, this is why brutal honesty will get you more respect from men than any other trait. think about it, men are supposed to be in control of their professional lives and personal lives, and dating is a complete role reversal from that initially. until the woman in question trusts the man, he has no control, she has most of the power. if she abuses that power in any way by being dishonest (even about little things) he will be completely turned off by it. look at the evidence of that on this forum, the most common threads started by men are complaints about women flaking on them. getting unexpected dishonesty is a huge blow to male ego. it's not a coincidence that those women around here who are dishonest to men about little things or who can't get over their distrust of themselves and the men they meet are the ones who seem to struggle the most in finding relationships, either. if you ask any man what trait he wants in a relationship trust is always gonna be #1. all the make up and boob jobs and hair/clothes work in the world won't make a man trust a woman. and a woman who never lies will never struggle to find men. Edited August 22, 2011 by thatone
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