mybrowneyedgirl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 so here i am that OW. the one that was thrown under the bus only to realize that her true worth was a quick good time in the bed and nothing more than something on the side. i loved him. he was my soul mate. he couldnt care less about her... UNTIL... dday. the time to make a choice. and when the choice was there to be made i didnt stand a chance. so when you think youre his everything. know its not true. get out before its too late. you too could be worth just enough to be burning rubber under the treads of that big yellow bus that he throws you under. if he loved you, hed be with you. simple as that. dont read into the signs or the clues or the what-ifs he throws your way. you are the OW. the one who doesnt matter. and no matter how much he might tell you or show you otherwise the proof is in the pudding. whether hes staying for the kids or the commitment he made oh so long ago - you never will be that girl. dont let yourself be fooled into it. you'll be better in the long run.
TurboGirl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Hi browneyedgirl, I'm sorry you went through that. Yes, it is horrific. I know. BTDT, not going back. Sorry you had to find out the hard way... shocking, isn't it? Someone that you are sooooo nice to turns around and throws you off a cliff like you are piece of crap that never mattered. Anything to distance himself from you, ASAP. MM who are out there creeping around are slime... yep, that is the way I feel now. Took a while to see, but that is the truth. And all that blather about the ones that are "friends" that is total BS too, btw. If the wife discovered a "friendship" she didn't approve of, the MM would chuck you off a cliff in a sec too. Ya want a friend? Talk to your WIFE! (((HUG))) It will get better. Don't ever contact that SOB again. Hold your head up an press on, you will be ok. :bunny:
Emme Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) :bunny:HUG:bunny: I know the pain is unbearable at this time but trust me it gets easier as the days go by. I say remember those words because it will help you become stronger. The only thing that's true in life is that everything that happens to us can be lesson. It's up to you to choose to learn from what has happened and be prepared to never walk down that path again. I wish you well, the pain will ease with time. We are all here for each other to get through this rough patch in life and this place does help. It's helped many. Keep your chin up and don't forget to smile. Find happiness in the sorrow. Edited August 22, 2011 by Emme
Silly_Girl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I'm sorry for your pain. Sometimes a relationship ends even though you *are* valued and loved dearly. Love isn't enough, sadly. The end of a relationship doesn't automatically make the OW an unwilling victim of a Machiavellian mastermind. Sometimes the promises were intentions and the declarations of love were truths. And it comes to nothing anyway. But the outcome may be the same and it may be just as painful. I understand that.
phillyfan Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I'm sorry for your pain. Sometimes a relationship ends even though you *are* valued and loved dearly. Love isn't enough, sadly. The end of a relationship doesn't automatically make the OW an unwilling victim of a Machiavellian mastermind. Sometimes the promises were intentions and the declarations of love were truths. And it comes to nothing anyway. But the outcome may be the same and it may be just as painful. I understand that. Dude the guy treated her like dogsh*t, that aint the way a guy treats a girl he loves. U can play wit words in as many pretty ways as u like but call a spade a spade, the dude aint got no respect. 1
donnamaybe Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Dude the guy treated her like dogsh*t, that aint the way a guy treats a girl he loves. U can play wit words in as many pretty ways as u like but call a spade a spade, the dude aint got no respect. Yep, and which of them does that sneaks around and lies? OP, you'll be fine and come out wiser for this awful experience.
Lostinlife4now Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 so here i am that OW. the one that was thrown under the bus only to realize that her true worth was a quick good time in the bed and nothing more than something on the side. i loved him. he was my soul mate. he couldnt care less about her... UNTIL... dday. the time to make a choice. and when the choice was there to be made i didnt stand a chance. so when you think youre his everything. know its not true. get out before its too late. you too could be worth just enough to be burning rubber under the treads of that big yellow bus that he throws you under. if he loved you, hed be with you. simple as that. dont read into the signs or the clues or the what-ifs he throws your way. you are the OW. the one who doesnt matter. and no matter how much he might tell you or show you otherwise the proof is in the pudding. whether hes staying for the kids or the commitment he made oh so long ago - you never will be that girl. dont let yourself be fooled into it. you'll be better in the long run. Hi Browneyed..... So agree with your statement! I was his (xmm) only form of fun and entertainment in his life....Yes, He told me that! His life is work, kids, wifey, house...he has no friends and no fun.....I WAS IT.......I meant nothing but a good time and good sex......Now I am done with the xMM....and I have to honestly say....It FEELS WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!! And yes he would have thrown me under the bus also......I was fooled for a little while....and I didn't matter in the long run...It was always about him!!!
SunsetRed Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Thank you Brown Eyed Girl! Your words hit me like a ton of bricks but they are what I needed to hear. My xMM is trying to re-enter my life, after destoying my heart and soul last year. My break up is a year old and I'm over him and then he shows up. My head's been a little messed up since he made his first attempt to come back. I am going back to break up mode where I can't concentrate or enjoy life. I am thinking about "what ifs" What if I miss this opportunity to have love back into my life? What if this time he really realizes it will never work with the wife? What if I miss this last chance at love and die alone? Well, thank you for knocking some sense into me. Seriously, I am one low self esteem step away from saying "move in with me, I'll take care of you while you support her." I wont really do that, but his showing up again has taken me back to that place of desperation. I really am nothing more than a side thing to enjoy and that's all I'll ever be to him. He'll never divorce her and will never be my husband. I am going to read your post everyday, and will use it as a reality check. Excellent post!
Heart On Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 They may "choose" them,but they also easily betray them. Count yourself lucky.
Lostinlife4now Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 They may "choose" them,but they also easily betray them. Count yourself lucky. AMEN AMEN AMEN TO THAT STATEMENT!!!!!! I would rather be alone than be betrayed! ;)
Owl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 But...weren't you equally betrayed when he denied the relationship and chose his wife instead???? Don't take me wrong, but that "sour grapes" approach and trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting. "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was"...is a pretty petty swipe at someone who is also going through hell at his hands.
chalkfarm Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 But...weren't you equally betrayed when he denied the relationship and chose his wife instead???? Don't take me wrong, but that "sour grapes" approach and trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting. "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was"...is a pretty petty swipe at someone who is also going through hell at his hands. You read her statement incorrectly. She never said this - "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was". You inferred. She said "he couldn't care less about her" which was her quoting him. She is saying that he (XMM) told her (XOW) that he didn't care about his wife. Also, there are NO sour grapes in her statement. She isn't saying "well I sure am glad I didn't end up with him, he would have cheated on me anyway." THAT is sour grapes. She is clearly stating that right now her self-worth is in the toilet! "Trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting" - she says NOTHING ABOUT THE WIFE HER STATEMENT - other than the quote from XMM. She is painting herself as the lead in a cautionary tale. She is stating her pain VERY clearly. She is warning other OW to get out now. BrownEyedGirl has been dealing with her pain for over 2 years now. TWO YEARS! Cut her some slack and put your reading glasses on before misinterpreting her words.
PhoenixRise Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 You read her statement incorrectly. She never said this - "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was". You inferred. She said "he couldn't care less about her" which was her quoting him. She is saying that he (XMM) told her (XOW) that he didn't care about his wife. Also, there are NO sour grapes in her statement. She isn't saying "well I sure am glad I didn't end up with him, he would have cheated on me anyway." THAT is sour grapes. She is clearly stating that right now her self-worth is in the toilet! "Trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting" - she says NOTHING ABOUT THE WIFE HER STATEMENT - other than the quote from XMM. She is painting herself as the lead in a cautionary tale. She is stating her pain VERY clearly. She is warning other OW to get out now. BrownEyedGirl has been dealing with her pain for over 2 years now. TWO YEARS! Cut her some slack and put your reading glasses on before misinterpreting her words. I think Owl is responding to the post directly above his (from Heart On) not the OP
Owl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I was responding to the last two posts above my own. Some might consider cutting ME some slack and busting out reading glasses before jumping to conclusions about MY posts.
So Very Confused Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 so here i am that OW. the one that was thrown under the bus only to realize that her true worth was a quick good time in the bed and nothing more than something on the side. i loved him. he was my soul mate. he couldnt care less about her... UNTIL... dday. the time to make a choice. and when the choice was there to be made i didnt stand a chance. so when you think youre his everything. know its not true. get out before its too late. you too could be worth just enough to be burning rubber under the treads of that big yellow bus that he throws you under. if he loved you, hed be with you. simple as that. dont read into the signs or the clues or the what-ifs he throws your way. you are the OW. the one who doesnt matter. and no matter how much he might tell you or show you otherwise the proof is in the pudding. whether hes staying for the kids or the commitment he made oh so long ago - you never will be that girl. dont let yourself be fooled into it. you'll be better in the long run. I think MM aren't normally taking a side between the W or the OW. They aren't really choosing one over the other. They are choosing what's best and easiest for themselves. They are the person they love and care about most and they are making it easiest and less expensive for themselves. Don't take it personally or feel slighted, it's not about you. It's about them and it always was and always will be.
ladydesigner Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 But...weren't you equally betrayed when he denied the relationship and chose his wife instead???? Don't take me wrong, but that "sour grapes" approach and trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting. "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was"...is a pretty petty swipe at someone who is also going through hell at his hands. Yes I think both end up being betrayed (the BS on D-day and the OW when MM chooses wife). The exception might be for the OW who are in it for a FWB only. If there is no emotional attachment then I believe the feelings of betrayal would not apply. I agree with Owl.
fooled once Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 so here i am that OW. the one that was thrown under the bus only to realize that her true worth was a quick good time in the bed and nothing more than something on the side. i loved him. he was my soul mate. he couldnt care less about her... UNTIL... dday. the time to make a choice. and when the choice was there to be made i didnt stand a chance. so when you think youre his everything. know its not true. get out before its too late. you too could be worth just enough to be burning rubber under the treads of that big yellow bus that he throws you under. if he loved you, hed be with you. simple as that. dont read into the signs or the clues or the what-ifs he throws your way. you are the OW. the one who doesnt matter. and no matter how much he might tell you or show you otherwise the proof is in the pudding. whether hes staying for the kids or the commitment he made oh so long ago - you never will be that girl. dont let yourself be fooled into it. you'll be better in the long run. BEG, at last you are finally seeing the truth. I hope with this truth can bring clarity and peace to your life. I hope you can finally let go and move forward. Thank you Brown Eyed Girl! Your words hit me like a ton of bricks but they are what I needed to hear. My xMM is trying to re-enter my life, after destoying my heart and soul last year. My break up is a year old and I'm over him and then he shows up. My head's been a little messed up since he made his first attempt to come back. I am going back to break up mode where I can't concentrate or enjoy life. I am thinking about "what ifs" What if I miss this opportunity to have love back into my life? What if this time he really realizes it will never work with the wife? What if I miss this last chance at love and die alone? Well, thank you for knocking some sense into me. Seriously, I am one low self esteem step away from saying "move in with me, I'll take care of you while you support her." I wont really do that, but his showing up again has taken me back to that place of desperation. I really am nothing more than a side thing to enjoy and that's all I'll ever be to him. He'll never divorce her and will never be my husband. I am going to read your post everyday, and will use it as a reality check. Excellent post! Sunset!!!! Don't make me come find you!!! Don't you dare, don't you dare! Let go of him. Stop reading his messages, stop answering his calls. Time for you to go back into major NC mode. Please my friend. PLEASE. Do not get sucked back into this. You have worked way too hard to put the past IN THE PAST. You do not want someone who has disrespected you so badly. You don't want someone who only makes you an option when you make them a priority. You do not want to be the soft landing. You want to be the ONE and ONLY..not the side piece until he finds something else. Please my friend, please. Move away from him and lock the door behind you! ((hugs))
TurboGirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 But...weren't you equally betrayed when he denied the relationship and chose his wife instead???? Don't take me wrong, but that "sour grapes" approach and trying to make it seem like the wife was somehow accepting less in life by being hurt and betrayed like this is pretty low and insulting. "Well at least I wasn't betrayed like she was"...is a pretty petty swipe at someone who is also going through hell at his hands. Ummm I didn't see that as sour grapes, merely a statement of fact. How is the W accepting "less"??? If she chooses to stay with her husband it is her choice. Not about accepting "less". I read all the posts, and there is no sour grape thing here -- only from you, dear.
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 They may "choose" them,but they also easily betray them. Count yourself lucky. Clearly you need to work ok your cognitive reading skills.
TurboGirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Clearly you need to work ok your cognitive reading skills. Actually I was thinking that YOU are the one who needs the reading assistance. And an attitude adjustment as well! If you are a bitter BS, why don't you just stay in the infidelity board instead of coming here to get in your nasty comments. Take a chill pill. Edited August 23, 2011 by TurboGirl
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Sweetheart, you might want to do a bit of backreading before you assume too much. BS...yes. bitter...not so much. I've posted advice to all corners of the triangle, dear. But...I don't care for insults intended either way, which is why I initially commented. You don't like my posts, report them or put me on ignore. 1
TurboGirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Sweetheart, you might want to do a bit of backreading before you assume too much. BS...yes. bitter...not so much. I've posted advice to all corners of the triangle, dear. But...I don't care for insults intended either way, which is why I initially commented. You don't like my posts, report them or put me on ignore. The cognitive reading remark was a bit rude without provocation and uncalled for and I certainly won't take that crap from you or anyone else here on this board.
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ummm I didn't see that as sour grapes, merely a statement of fact. How is the W accepting "less"??? If she chooses to stay with her husband it is her choice. Not about accepting "less". I read all the posts, and there is no sour grape thing here -- only from you, dear. The "rude" started here, dear. I don't take anything from anyone either. Now why we both let this get back to MBEG's topic.
jwi71 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 so here i am that OW. the one that was thrown under the bus only to realize that her true worth was a quick good time in the bed and nothing more than something on the side. i loved him. he was my soul mate. he couldnt care less about her... UNTIL... dday. the time to make a choice. and when the choice was there to be made i didnt stand a chance. so when you think youre his everything. know its not true. get out before its too late. you too could be worth just enough to be burning rubber under the treads of that big yellow bus that he throws you under. if he loved you, hed be with you. simple as that. dont read into the signs or the clues or the what-ifs he throws your way. you are the OW. the one who doesnt matter. and no matter how much he might tell you or show you otherwise the proof is in the pudding. whether hes staying for the kids or the commitment he made oh so long ago - you never will be that girl. dont let yourself be fooled into it. you'll be better in the long run. Im not sure why Im posting this but here goes.... MBEG why don't you go back and read all your threads and posts again. What can YOU learn from them? What progress have you made? I'm not seeing much tbh. Still focused on HIM. Every post (well, virtually anyway). Every thread, every topic...every thought of HIM. And still I see it in this post. This tunnel vision cost your H. Your job. Respect. Self-dignity. Pride. Don't let him take your future too. He made his choice. You made your choice. It cannot be undone. Right here, right now stop worrying about what could have been. Focus on what IS. Time to let "what could have been" go. (I'd HIGHLY recommend switching IC as well.) Future is yours to create and shape...but you can't do it looking over your shoulder in the past nor can you do it wistfully dreaming of "what if". Get busy living or get busy dying....choose.
Lostinlife4now Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! It's getting a little hot in here!!!!!
Recommended Posts