Buttercup84 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I was with my ex for two years and we lived together . I found out that a day before he broke up with me that he signed up to a dating site . I asked him about it and he said his friend pressured him to do it . my ex is 31 for ****s sake and his friend 40 . Well during our relationship I asked him about his ex and she left him - three times , and during that time he was emailing this girl he met over the phone at work . Because apparently his ex was horrible to him . He started dating weeks after his ex left him for good , we met weeks after , his mum set us up. we had great times but it seemed he couldn't handle rough patches. instead of working through them he bails . He had so many good sides , but many - some emotionally abusive sides . All I can think of are the good ones and I still see him as amazing . I think there must be something really wrong with me for him to leave me.
geegirl Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 You only see his good side because you are emotionally attached to him. You're romanticizing him, as you're thinking with your heart. Once you detach and your brain takes over, you'll have a different impression of him. ps: His friend forced him to sign up and he did? Of course. I'm sure if his friend told him poop tasted good, he'd eat it with a biscuit.
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 Thank you , I needed to hear that . I just think that even if he fell out of love , signing up for a site like that while we are still together is so low and hurtful .
WindWhisperer Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Its like going cold turkey while being addicted to drugs...that's what I like to compare it too. At the same time loving someone means accepting their faults too... Even when it means we shouldn't. I keep trying to remember the bad... The fights... The lack of support. Sometimes I can and sometimes I can't. Sometimes I'm fine sometimes I'm not. You are not alone. I'm suffering with you. And we will recover together... No matter what that means.
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I am so with you! THIS MAN WAS A DOG TO ME! DOG! Cheated on me from the beginning with his ex. Used MY CAR to go see other females. Lied to me about talking to other women and getting their numbers! GOT ARRESTED & was in jail because of his EX & Yes I stayed with him then too Disrespected me verbally many times When we broke up, told me he wanted to be single, couldn't be faithful, had made him out of his character (by having a real relationship), never wanted a family or to get married & then SAID- he could NEVER love my son bc he didnt want kids? WTF? Yet still I sit and cry over this man who truly made me feel worthless and like nothing, thinking about the times that were good, even though the bad times WERE TERRIBLE and the whole relationship was based on a lie! I mean really, how does someone do a complete 180 overnight? & turn into someone i never knew! sad, a liar is a liar though! & you DESERVE to be happy & have someone who is emotionally capable of loving you in return, we all do. i wish i could understand why this is all happening. =(
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 geegirl- i really like your posts! so deep, honest, direct and they make SO much sense! ugh, wish you were in my head at all times!!! so i can feel better! =/
geegirl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 geegirl- i really like your posts! so deep, honest, direct and they make SO much sense! ugh, wish you were in my head at all times!!! so i can feel better! =/ Aww...ConfusedT! You're always welcome to PM me! I do what I can and if i can help in anyway, just let me know
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I dont think I can PM? Could you maybe read some of my posts and give me your insight?!?! The ones from the beginning are more descriptive. I've been through hell & just keep going. You seem to have it all there. I want to be there!!!! =p
JHS Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Its like going cold turkey while being addicted to drugs... It is like a drug. I had never experienced it until this last breakup. Really strange. I think part of it was due to it ending after 2-3 months when I was in the height of the chemistry. Really sucks. I think of all the crappy treatment - not tons, but enough to make me realize - and I still miss her. I say she's my heroin. My friend says it's like pregnancy. When you have a child it's the worst thing in the world but a few months or so later, you're ready to do it all over again.
just_scott Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 you're only seeing your ex's good side because your choosing to EVERYONE has faults if you think of their faults or they put up a profile on a datting site while you were still in a relationship then you're going to doubt yourself , and question yourself ''how could i have ever been with him'' and other negative things that wont make you feel to good about your relationship choice and it'll make you feel bad AND who wants to feel bad -BUT only seeing your exs good and knowing he's your ex now i bet doesn't make you feel good . see his faults call him a loser for doing the datting site thing to you it's the truth anyways ,sugar coatting things is just gonna confuse you and slow down the healing process
fetish1980 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Only seeing the good is normal because your mind and heart are at constant battle with eachother. I'm sure if his friend told him poop tasted good, he'd eat it with a biscuit. :laugh:LOL. Geegirl You make it sound so tasty! fetish
geegirl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 :laugh:LOL. Geegirl You make it sound so tasty! fetish I didn't laugh when I typed it but now after reading it again...oh god!
shortee143 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 We all are guilty of only thinking of the good things, esp when the breakup is fresh. We love our partner, faults and all, and to all of a sudden not be loved back...gosh, what a terrible feeling! Try not to think of it as what you did wrong- I did, and still do, that sometimes, esp seeing him with a new girl, it is reallllly hard not to feel like garbage, or wonder why you werent good enough. I try to realize that if he really loved me, he wouldnt have bailed, and if he was a mature decent person he wouldnt have put me thru hell post breakup. The bad will creep in- your brain just needs time to get there. Not to say our exes are all awful human beings, nor are we bitter just bc we got dumped...but yes, many of them have done hurtful things, and as wonderful as they were or can be....after awhile, the bad really will outweigh the good. Took me 5 months and a lot of bs, but the good in him has really disappeared, damn shame.
solobeary Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I know exactly what you mean! I can't stop thinking about all the good things about my ex. The silly thing is that the bad things barely bother me at all now, even though when I think back to being with him they kind of did bother me sometimes! I guess though that shows that this idiolising really is just a stage and I will get back to being more realistic about him one day... One thing that helped me is having someone important to me point out some of his bad qualities (not from what happened during the break up, but from when we were together). I know that sounds awful, but I just needed to hear it because I was going MAD thinking about all the things I loved about him, and it took the edge off a tiny bit.
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