readingnyc Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) Hi, I went out on a third date with this guy. We're both in our late twenties. We had a great time on our first two dates and he asked me out both times, securing the second date before the first was over and being very open about his positive feelings. Also he has been very gentlemanly and attentive both times. On our third date he was late by about 30 minutes--which isn't a big deal if he let me know that he was running late. He was also late to our second date, but he let me know and seemed to have a valid excuse. Anyway, back to the third date, we meet up a bar/restaurant before going to a concert and even though I find it irritating I decide to ignore the lateness because I don't have too much invested in this and I really want to see this band and want nothing to ruin the evening. We have good conversation etc. except for one strange moment when he mentions this deal breaker question he has. He does this very self-deprecatingly, meaning for it to be something from the past. The question is: which two sides fought in the US revolutionary war. Wow, I think. Has he been dating toddlers who don't know the answer to this question? I joke about it and he laughs but it bothers me a bit that this was ever something he did. Also, he had mentioned making fun of a girl in front of his friends when she didn't know the answer. But still giving him the benefit of the doubt, I decide to chalk it up to just being human and doing dumb things. The concert is great and we go to another bar after. We live about 2 blocks away from each other and at the bar I bring up what time we should head back. It's a weekday and I have to work the next day. He tells me that he's actually heading to his parents so won't be going back to his apt because they are going on vacation the next day. He had mentioned the vacation earlier in the date. I invite him over and say that he can head back later if he wants. He says he would but he'd have to get up at 8a and that's way too early for him to wake up. Things somehow escalate after a few more words (we'd had a decent number of drinks) and I say I want a man would wake up at 8am in the morning for me and that I wouldn't want to take this further if that wasn't the case. I also cockily said something about him being lucky to be out with me at all. I said this because I was hurt. Note: we had not yet had sex just fooled a round a bit and there weren't any promises of that this evening. But during this heated talk I do try to calm things down and bring us back to just starting this conversation over but he's pretty angry and won't let it go. He pays the check and says that he was open to a relationship but it angers him that I would be upset about something like this. He then says: I think I'm going to leave now and abruptly just gets up and walks out of the bar. It's 1:30a. I'm furious and sad and when I get home I angrily text him the following: not that you care but I got home ok, in the future treat all the women in your life with respect. He texts back: I do care that you made it home. Thank you for telling me. Still angry and tipsy I write: If you cared you wouldn't have walked out it was an immature dick move. I realize writing that at all was an immature move . A lot seemed to have been building up to this. Anyway, it's been 10 days (he's still on vacation I think?) and I felt really bad about the things I said and I sent him a text to apologize if nothing else to try to let him know I didn't mean to hurt him and it was all done rashly. I didn't expect anything back. But he texts back quickly with: Don't worry about it. It was dumb of me to walk out on you like that. I want to see him again because we had a connection but I'm willing to let this go too. I feel better since I texted him, less burdened with regret. Finally to the THE question(s): should I let him know that I like him and would want to see him again or should just leave it alone? Or a let him come to me if he wants? Or is it nuts to even ponder this? Thank you for the help! Edited August 21, 2011 by readingnyc
Casablanca Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Lots of arguing for just a 3rd date...if you really would like to see him again, call him up, let him know and see how he feels about the idea The whole making fun of a girl because she didnt know who fought in the war was pretty low of him. I wouldnt date anyone who didnt know who fought in the war, but I wouldn't make fun of them to their face in front of people....so that sounds like he has some maturity issues (depending on how long ago it was)...if you do call him and go out again, tread likely...if there is an argument like that on a 3rd date...thats red flag city IMO
sm1tten Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 His "deal-breaker" question and making fun of the girl who didn't know the answer, from your own words, was something that he did in the past... so unless he was demonstrating that behavior with you, you can't really hold it against him. Since that doesn't appear to be the case I'm not even sure why you mentioned it. Your "I want a man would wake up at 8am in the morning for me and that I wouldn't want to take this further if that wasn't the case" was just ... I bet at the time it sounded cute to you, but it wasn't. And subsequently, you're the one who comes off as extremely immature. Since I think you committed the bigger foul, if I were you I'd suck it up, apologise again, and ask for another date.
westrock Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 He says he would but he'd have to get up at 8a and that's way too early for him to wake up. Things somehow escalate after a few more words (we'd had a decent number of drinks) and I say I want a man would wake up at 8am in the morning for me and that I wouldn't want to take this further if that wasn't the case. Maybe he meant that 8am was way too early for him in this circumstance because it's late already for a weekday.
Author readingnyc Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Thanks to all of you. Sm1tten, despite your tough words (ouch) i appreciate the honesty. I'll be sucking it up and asking for another date.
ChessPieceFace Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 What is his work schedule? I work late and can't just alter my sleep schedule at will, my body is very stubborn about when it wants to fall asleep and wake up. My assessment is that he was kind of a jerk and you were way too demanding and kind of a jerk too.
Pierre Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I think the OP wanted sex and somehow he was not into having sex with OP. That is the real reason he did not go to the apartment. She would be a fool to call again. He already turned her down once. He is not into her and that is why he left the bar. That also explains why he was late two times. That in itself is a very immature move. How old are you guys?
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