iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I don’t think about being single and lonely during the week because I’m busy with work and my job provides a lot of satisfaction. Weekends are lonely though. I’m busy on weekends, but I’d like to have a partner to share in my weekend activities. It’d be great to wake-up and have a BF to get coffee and breakfast with and to discuss what films to add to the Netflix queue. I stayed in last night and watched a movie and it would have been nice to have someone there with me. I would love to have someone to walk my dog and go for a run with, grocery shop, cook, etc. I enjoy these things alone, but they would be so much more satisfying with another person. How do I fully enjoy doing things alone? I decided to try this new frozen yogurt place last weekend by myself and it made me feel really lonely. I know that sounds dumb, but the entire time I was eating the yogurt, I was thinking how much better it would be to share the experience with a BF, and it ended up being depressing. (I won't even get into how difficult not having sex is!) I feel that loneliness that comes from not being alone, but being unfulfilled emotionally. I had a fun night with friends on Friday, but I felt the loneliness seeping in. By Saturday, I the loneliness was unshakeable, so I declined going out with friends. Do you ever feel lonely while you’re with other people? It’s worse being lonely in the company of others vs. alone. It doesn’t help that I haven’t met anyone I’m interested in in so long and there doesn't seem to be much hope of doing so. For example, I’ve been going to the same coffee shop for several years and I can't remember seeing a single man my age in there. I cancelled a date 2 weeks ago because I couldn't get excited about the guy; I made a post here about dating not being fun and mentioned the date. It felt like such a chore that I went ahead and cancelled. It gets depressing when there are no options. Going on dates with guys I don’t like contributes to the loneliness and hopelessness. Being single is even more depressing when there seems to be no hope of meeting anyone. And it’s worse on the weekends. Any other single people dislike weekends? I sometimes dread them; I look forward to the work week because I know I'll feel better emotionally. This is where I’m at the moment. Is there any way to overcome this? I feel like I need to suck it up, get over it, and try to be OK with being single forever, but I don't how.
Emilia Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Well I'm not single at the moment because I met someone during a weekend sporting activity. If you only occupy yourself with work, you'll never meet anyone You must have interests you want to share with others during weekends rather than just sit in coffeeshops?
crosswordfiend Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Weekends are ok, it's the long weekends and holidays that are killer because of higher expectations.
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Well I'm not single at the moment because I met someone during a weekend sporting activity. If you only occupy yourself with work, you'll never meet anyone You must have interests you want to share with others during weekends rather than just sit in coffeeshops? I do a lot of different activities (I’m always busy). I went to a wine tasting and then to see a friend’s band play on Friday. I talked to several men, none of whom would be appropriate dating material. Weekends are ok, it's the long weekends and holidays that are killer because of higher expectations. Ugg…I forgot about holidays. I’m definitely not looking forward to any of those. I don’t really have family, so I think I miss my ex’s family more than I miss him. I loved spending holidays with his family. Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be difficult. Going out with my friends Going out with friends sometimes makes me lonelier.
Casablanca Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Going out with friends sometimes makes me lonelier. Why is that? Are they all with somebody else? Suggest a girls night out or something
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Why is that? Are they all with somebody else? Suggest a girls night out or something It's depressing at times because I know I’m going home alone and when I’m happy/having fun, I start to wish I had a SO to share the happiness with. I know I should just be grateful for the happy moments in my life and not even think about a relationship...
Casablanca Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 It's depressing at times because I know I’m going home alone and when I’m happy/having fun, I start to wish I had a SO to share the happiness with. I know I should just be grateful for the happy moments in my life and not even think about a relationship... I know the feeling, I really would like a relationship, but I don't need one...I find myself more wanting someone to just snuggle up with at night once in awhile (not that that is what I want in a relationship, but my friends can pretty much satisfy all my needs other than physical)...don't really have any other advice...people are wired differently and what works for me doesnt sound like it always works for you
EasyHeart Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I'm just the opposite. I love doing stuff by myself. The worst part of being in a relationship is having someone else around when I want to do stuff. When I'm single, I can go into the office whenever I want, go to the gym whenever I want, see whatever movie I want to see, watch whatever TV shows I want to watch, have the couch all to myself, wake up and go to bed whenever I want, go to the park whenever I want, get coffee whenever I want, eat when, where and what I want, etc. Being by yourself is the AWESOME part of being single!!!!
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I'm just the opposite. I love doing stuff by myself. The worst part of being in a relationship is having someone else around when I want to do stuff. When I'm single, I can go into the office whenever I want, go to the gym whenever I want, see whatever movie I want to see, watch whatever TV shows I want to watch, have the couch all to myself, wake up and go to bed whenever I want, go to the park whenever I want, get coffee whenever I want, eat when, where and what I want, etc. Being by yourself is the AWESOME part of being single!!!! It sounds like you are happier when you're single. I don't mind doing things alone, but I don't prefer it. That's why I want a relationship--so I have someone to share my life with. Happiness is better when it's shared. I'm a bit confused by your 2nd paragraph. The things you list have never been an issue for me in relationships. I've always been able to go to my office, the gym, etc when I've wanted to. No one has ever asked me not to live my life. Why wouldn't you be able to wake up and go bed when you want in a relationship? I don't want the couch all to myself. I want to share it. I miss curling up on the couch and watching movies with someone.
EasyHeart Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 It sounds like you are happier when you're single. I don't mind doing things alone, but I don't prefer it. That's why I want a relationship--so I have someone to share my life with. Happiness is better when it's shared. I'm a bit confused by your 2nd paragraph. The things you list have never been an issue for me in relationships. I've always been able to go to my office, the gym, etc when I've wanted to. No one has ever asked me not to live my life. Why wouldn't you be able to wake up and go bed when you want in a relationship? I don't want the couch all to myself. I want to share it. I miss curling up on the couch and watching movies with someone.You've obviously never dated a woman. And have a big couch!
Emilia Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Only going out to meet men is bound to breed disappointment. Wine tasting evenings - just like salsa classes - are seen as singles events. Why not find a hobby and meet new people during something you enjoy? Viewing men as human beings rather than dating material would help too
Overthirtymale Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 How old are you? I find it strange a woman can remain single for so long unless they are not attractive, too old, or too picky in choosing a mate. Finding a significant other takes work, make it a full time job. Looks like you have to start asking men you are attracted to for dates, start being more aggressive about obtaining relationships.
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 You've obviously never dated a woman. And have a big couch! Yeah, typically the guy sits up and lets me lay down and put my feet on him, so I'm quite comfy. Only going out to meet men is bound to breed disappointment. Wine tasting evenings - just like salsa classes - are seen as singles events. Why not find a hobby and meet new people during something you enjoy? Viewing men as human beings rather than dating material would help too I have hobbies, but not ones where I'm likely to meet men. There's only older and/or gay men in my yoga classes. How old are you? I find it strange a woman can remain single for so long unless they are not attractive, too old, or too picky in choosing a mate. Finding a significant other takes work, make it a full time job. Looks like you have to start asking men you are attracted to for dates, start being more aggressive about obtaining relationships. Dating is VERY hard for woman. Why don't men realize this? I'm 32, so older but not ancient. It's possible there's something wrong with my personality, but I'm attractive and have low standards . I've been known to be aggressive. I've walked up and started conversations with men before, but unfortunately there aren't many single or attractive men in my town.
Easyguy14 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I don’t think about being single and lonely during the week because I’m busy with work and my job provides a lot of satisfaction. Weekends are lonely though. I’m busy on weekends, but I’d like to have a partner to share in my weekend activities. It’d be great to wake-up and have a BF to get coffee and breakfast with and to discuss what films to add to the Netflix queue. I stayed in last night and watched a movie and it would have been nice to have someone there with me. I would love to have someone to walk my dog and go for a run with, grocery shop, cook, etc. I enjoy these things alone, but they would be so much more satisfying with another person. How do I fully enjoy doing things alone? I decided to try this new frozen yogurt place last weekend by myself and it made me feel really lonely. I know that sounds dumb, but the entire time I was eating the yogurt, I was thinking how much better it would be to share the experience with a BF, and it ended up being depressing. (I won't even get into how difficult not having sex is!) I feel that loneliness that comes from not being alone, but being unfulfilled emotionally. I had a fun night with friends on Friday, but I felt the loneliness seeping in. By Saturday, I the loneliness was unshakeable, so I declined going out with friends. Do you ever feel lonely while you’re with other people? It’s worse being lonely in the company of others vs. alone. It doesn’t help that I haven’t met anyone I’m interested in in so long and there doesn't seem to be much hope of doing so. For example, I’ve been going to the same coffee shop for several years and I can't remember seeing a single man my age in there. I cancelled a date 2 weeks ago because I couldn't get excited about the guy; I made a post here about dating not being fun and mentioned the date. It felt like such a chore that I went ahead and cancelled. It gets depressing when there are no options. Going on dates with guys I don’t like contributes to the loneliness and hopelessness. Being single is even more depressing when there seems to be no hope of meeting anyone. And it’s worse on the weekends. Any other single people dislike weekends? I sometimes dread them; I look forward to the work week because I know I'll feel better emotionally. This is where I’m at the moment. Is there any way to overcome this? I feel like I need to suck it up, get over it, and try to be OK with being single forever, but I don't how. you're not going to have happiness or anything resembling it if you dont go out and take chances. you complain about not liking the guys around you, but what makes them not your type? please be specific so I can get a better idea if the problem is you or them. how old are you?
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 No where in your reasons did I see sex mentioned! Actually, I mentioned it in my OP.
Dust Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Actually, I mentioned it in my OP. I didn’t notice but you said something about sex in parenthesis. You inferred it was difficult not having sex but you weren’t going to talk about it. See we’re fighting about sex is this what you want. You’ll probably argue with your man about what to rent on Netflix or what ever too. Seriously though just have fun being single. Are you sexy? If so you’ll have a man soon enough. (2 months tops, probably only a week or 2 away)
Imajerk17 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 It doesn’t help that I haven’t met anyone I’m interested in in so long and there doesn't seem to be much hope of doing so. For example, I’ve been going to the same coffee shop for several years and I can't remember seeing a single man my age in there. I cancelled a date 2 weeks ago because I couldn't get excited about the guy; I made a post here about dating not being fun and mentioned the date. It felt like such a chore that I went ahead and cancelled. It gets depressing when there are no options. Going on dates with guys I don’t like contributes to the loneliness and hopelessness. Being single is even more depressing when there seems to be no hope of meeting anyone. And it’s worse on the weekends. I actually had sympathy until I read the above. You need to give people a chance. And canceling on someone who already set aside time for you and who planned out the date strikes me as rude on your part.
Easyguy14 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I actually had sympathy until I read the above. You need to give people a chance. And canceling on someone who already set aside time for you and who planned out the date strikes me as rude on your part. this is exactly what I mean. she's complaining about being lonely and that, but not really giving anyone a shot. I wouldn't say anything if you were a happy camper being single but you're not, so either give an available and decent man a shot or quit the whining.
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 you're not going to have happiness or anything resembling it if you dont go out and take chances. you complain about not liking the guys around you, but what makes them not your type? please be specific so I can get a better idea if the problem is you or them. how old are you? There are very few single men over 30 where I live. I haven’t had a date with a normal person this year. I’ve met a lot guys with a lot of issues; alcoholism has been a big one. I have a girlfriend who’s been single for 8 years and has barely dated. She's cute too. The few times she has dated has been with men she met in other cities. I didn’t notice but you said something about sex in parenthesis. You inferred it was difficult not having sex but you weren’t going to talk about it. See we’re fighting about sex is this what you want. You’ll probably argue with your man about what to rent on Netflix or what ever too. Seriously though just have fun being single. Are you sexy? If so you’ll have a man soon enough. (2 months tops, probably only a week or 2 away) I seriously doubt I'll meet anyone in the next couple months, but thanks for the optimism. I need to just enjoy my life without a SO. I wouldn't argue with a man about what movie we're watching. I would suggest something and he would enthusiastically agree.
ASG Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I absolutely LOVE being single and don't feel lonely at all. I was single for a few years before my last relationship and I'm now single again and I am perfectly happy. Sure, somedays I wish I had someone to snuggle up with on the couch, or someone to tell my day to, but most of the time I'm just happy with who and how I am at the moment. Someone will come along, sooner or later, and the more I stress about it, the less likely it is to happen. Sex doesn't even come into the equation, because I can get that whenever I feel like it.
Author iris219 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I actually had sympathy until I read the above. You need to give people a chance. And canceling on someone who already set aside time for you and who planned out the date strikes me as rude on your part. I did give him a chance. I went on a date with him 5 years ago and I went on another one last month. I made a post about how much I hated dating and most people told me I was being unfair to the other person by forcing myself to go out with them. I agree with this. Why should a man have to be subjected to a date with a girl who's not into it and who is actually dreading it? That's more rude than cancelling the date.
Imajerk17 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 There are very few single men over 30 where I live. I haven’t had a date with a normal person this year. I’ve met a lot guys with a lot of issues; alcoholism has been a big one. I have a girlfriend who’s been single for 8 years and has barely dated. She's cute too. The few times she has dated has been with men she met in other cities. I seriously doubt I'll meet anyone in the next couple months, but thanks for the optimism. I need to just enjoy my life without a SO. I wouldn't argue with a man about what movie we're watching. I would suggest something and he would enthusiastically agree. Weren't you also saying a few weeks ago that you get hit on by attractive men all the time? And I'll repeat it: Canceling a date as you did a couple weeks ago was rude. It's more your fault than you realize. Take some responsibility!
Imajerk17 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I did give him a chance. I went on a date with him 5 years ago and I went on another one last month. I made a post about how much I hated dating and most people told me I was being unfair to the other person by forcing myself to go out with them. I agree with this. Why should a man have to be subjected to a date with a girl who's not into it and who is actually dreading it? That's more rude than cancelling the date. Well iris, here's the thing: Most people when you meet them, are going to come across as 'nice'. Especially the more reserved guys you crave. There is nothing wrong with going on a second date being 'unsure', as long as you put in the effort to be good company.
Recommended Posts