Point of no return

[slowclimb303]

I have been in an endless slump. I was considered undatable until college, and when I started dating the few girls who would have me cheated on me. I went into a period of darkness, and a combination of my insecurity and misforunate circumsances like trouble finding employment after college, and trying to adjust to graveyard shift with insomnia while living at home to save up money, kept me in the hole. I know a lot of it is my own fault, as there were times during the slump I could have made something happen but couldn't pull it together. There were times I was sure I was on my way out of the hole, but that's when everything fell back to pieces. Then I started having embarassing health issues, involving itching and pain in sensitive areas. These conditions may be chronic. The doctors say the conditions can be controlled but I may never be cured. I was on way out of a period of darkness and isolation when the itching took over and drove me further into shame and isolation. Also, while I had the idea that regular intense physical excercise and outdoor sports like snowboarding and moutain biking would help me rise about the dark cloud that always seems to be hovering over my head, I've had an endless string of injuries that have kept me perpetually on the sidelines, adding to my insecurity. The problems continue and hope for any future relationships dwindle. I'm afraid I've reached the point of no return, that even if my health issues are fixed enough for me to be in datable condition, it will be too late to ever date again because women can always sense when a man's been in a slump when they first talk to him. The longer the slump, the more of a "slump-vibe" the man gives off, so even if I've been working out and staying on top of my emotional problems, it will never be enough to compensate for the amount of "slump-vibe" I've built up over years of being alone. I know it's going to be a long time until my medical issues are dealt with, and in fact they may never go away. I've though of the posibilty of trying to get out there anyway, but the nature of my health condidtions are so embarrassing that I know I would be going into the situation with a amplified "slump-vibe" due to my shame and insecurity about my health on top of my years out of the game. Also, my medical condition often makes me irritable and scatterbrained, so that's just more strikes against me. People tell me to think positive, but over the past few years, positive thinking has done little more than build false hopes that things are going to get better, and when everthing falls apart again, it makes it just that more dissappointing. Sometimes I think of future scenarois where I'm healthy and find some way of finding a girlfriend, but when I think about this stuff, it's like I might as well be thinking about learning telepathy or levatation. Is there a point where maybe it's best just to give up hope and learn to accept a future without romance? Is there a point where one's "slump-vibe" is too much to compensate for?