Dubphonik Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) Me and my ex dated for almost a year before she broke up with me. I met her on her best friend's birthday last year at a club. We kissed and hooked up afterwards and she gave me the impression she never went to clubs. Our dating was outgoing based. Going to bars to hang out with friends and drink socially. Well things got rough with money and I noticed she was an alcoholic when the bar time stopped. She would want to drink hard liquor and drink lots of beer with maybe a day off every two weeks. At this point I wanted to break free. But when she was sober we were so compatiable and loved each other completely. I was stuck cause she was beautiful and just like me. Her friends and parents were all drunks. They enabled it. She would go beyond to please me the first 6 months of dating. We hung out everyday. Things got bad and I started getting disappointed. She would try to pressure me into drinking without eating. Then pressure me to buy her food after she was drunk. After she ate she would puke it out. I got worried and as someone that loved her I tried to make her slow down to the weekends. Her problem was she couldn't control her limit and her friends were the same way. Well she would stop drinking for a week for me. Then she binged and I caught her on facebook flirting with many ex flings and ex's. There was like over 20 and I felt sick to my stomach. Well I dropped her and she begged strongly for a week and deleted facebook. I lost trust and she said she'd gain it back. Well she decided she wanted to hang with her bestfriend Erica one week before Erica's college semester ended. So she broke up with me 2 hours before she went and then got drunk and did coke and kissed some random guy many times within 9 months into our relationship. I was crushed and couldn't believe her. She told me this the next day while I was working. She kept saying she tried to get over me and didn't cheat. I was done and she pursued hard. She even quit drinking for a month and I kept her cause she promised me a change. So the trust level was gone cause I still think she slept with that guy and we were still seeing each other everyday but the fighting got worse cause I was hurt. More and more of the story unraveled as a month went by. She lied over and over and came clean but no sex still. So one month exactly before our one year mark when things were rough but she wasn't drinking. She decided to stay at home and drink with her alcoholic parents. I was pissed cause she promised me a change. I said some really ****ty things in the line of cheating slut and such. Well I stopped talking to her for 2 days. I called her and she said we are done and we need to exchange all belongings back. I was kinda mad so said okay. I found out she is already on facebook and 4 days after the break up she meets up with the guy that rebounds back with her after every relationship she has. Must be nice. She calls after hanging out with him the next day. Supposedly her dad got really drunk and hit her which is common. They both run their mouths drunk. I let her come by cause I still cared and knew her dads an a hole like that. She came over with a half dranked forty ounce and I asked her are you talking to someone. She confessed to hanging with her rebounder and went to a 1:30 pm movie and they met a the movies by his place and he talked about hooking up with this girl he likes. Supposedly they are good friends. She said nothing happen they saw a movies she already saw, hugged, and left as friends. Well I put 2 and 2 together and I think he got what he wanted and dropped her. I believe so due to when she came by crying she tried to kiss me right away and I pulled away. She said this was a big mistake cause now it makes it harder to leave me. Well she left and I was like whatever. She started to cry like balling crying by the door and took off. I ran after her and caught up to her by her car. I didn't want her to crash drunk and crying. She had a piece of paper in the passenger side and her mom's GPS. I asked her what was the address to. She said the movie theatre. Me being suspicious I was like lemme Google map it. Then she said it was Jordan's address. I was instantly pissed and hurt. Then she said I met him at the Theatre not his apartment cause I was running late. I was like you always lie to me. Tell me the truth and set me free. She said this was a mistake and left. I no contacted for a week. She calls me drunk wanting to eat sushi and grab a beer. I was kinda horny cause we went from everyday sex to a break up. Well she blew me off last minute and said it's too soon. I need to get over you. So at this point I was like f this I'm done. She told me she left me cause I was an ******* that said terrible stuff. But I would feel pushed in a corner against a drunk for hours before I snapped. Well it's been a little over a week now since the breakup. Her bestfriends birthday came around. I've been going to this new club trying to meet new people and girls and I see her there. I was kinda shocked since we live 40 minutes away. She didn't see me and I saw her on the dance floor the whole time drunk. She kissed 6 guys and left with one. I feel heartbroken and now mind f'd royally. I feel so stupid for being a good guy trying to change someone that had great potential sober. And now I feel like a time wasting failure that still has feeling for a ****ed up person but good at heart sober. I can't sleep or stop thinking of her and her rebounding. How do I get over all of this pain and her. She is 22 and I'm 28 Edited August 21, 2011 by Dubphonik
Nohbody Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This person has problems that need work, and the only person who can do the work is them. You are no doubt a positive influence in her life, but she is not one in yours. You need to make a clean break and initiate No Contact immediately. Heal your heartbreak and try to move on past what has happened. Nothing you do can help her or change her, and until she decides to get help because she wants it for herself - nothing will change. Good luck.
Author Dubphonik Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 It just sucks. She fed me with all of that I want to be with you forever, marriage, kids, and make things better all a month ago. Then it's like the last time we fought she got on facebook and found someone. Cause when we talked she was being so angry when I wanted to exchange things back. When I came over less than a week ago to exchange her mom called the police as soon as I rung the doorbell. I got my stuff and she couldn't even look at me in the face and was angry. Saying, after this don't call me. I don't love you anymore and this is your fault cause you are an a hole. But I'm not going to lie. Seeing her at the club and in the duration saw 6 different guys all over her and then watching her go home with one. It's just been eating me inside out. Just felt like the worst of nightmares.
Downtown Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Dub, please listen to Nohbody. He knows what he's talking about. You are fortunate to have attracted his attention here on the forum. Like you, I fell in love with an emotionally unstable woman. It is so easy to do because, when they are acting good, they are very VERY good. Indeed, it is so intoxicating that it becomes addictive. You will be willing to put up with the bad, abusive times for years -- 15 in my case -- just to keep getting your periodic fixes of extreme passion and being adored. Again, please listen to Nohbody. He knows that going any further down this path will not end well. Not well at all.
Author Dubphonik Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Well I messed up. She called me today out of no where. Hungover as no surprise. I answered cause the calls wouldn't stop and I folded under the pressure. I answered and she said she needed to talk to me. I told her I saw her at the club and she said "I didn't sleep with that other guy I had feelings for you. Which I don't know is bs. But she then said I don't want to be single. I hate going out and drinking like this cause it isn't me. Then of course I'm like well it hurt. She said I'm not trying to be a beach. I miss you but I know it will hurt too much seeing you. How can she be hurt from seeing me? I was like okay. Well I'll let you go. Now she wants to talk to me but doesn't want to be near me cause it's too soon. I feel like I'm on the backburner but really really care and it's eating me. I feel so stupid I even answered. I should have turned my phone on. Just my heart started racing. Ugh I hate this position. I'm guessing you guys can explain this and I feel I failed my second shot of NC.
Author Dubphonik Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Also Nohbody and Downtown I highly appreciate your advice. I feel so new to this.
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