make me believe Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Dude, it's one thing to know that your bf is a man and still notices and thinks about other women. It's another thing to know he's singled out your best friend, has sexual fantasies involving her specifically, and wishes you would just relax and let him do her already...that he wishes you'd ignore being friends and act like life's a Porno and do her yourself while he watches. Even if she knows he won't do it without her permission, it's going to bug her. Believe it or not I'm pretty mellow about this stuff but bringing my bff into it would skeeve me out and make me feel a lot less secure, too. Most women I know would have trouble with it. Exactly!!! I would ALWAYS feel uncomfortable bringing my husband around my best friend if he did something like this. It would just stay in the back of my mind and make me feel totally weird. Yuck. And I agree with serialmuse, I'd bet he's a young guy too because most older guys would know never to suggest their girlfriend's BEST FRIEND as a potential threesome partner. Totally stupid move. And yes, there is a huge difference in realizing that your partner finds other people attractive, and your partner actually suggesting that he f*cks your best friend or watches you f*ck your best friend. I think those of you who are trying to drill into us that people fantasize about others or find other people hot on a daily basis are missing the point here. It's not about whether he finds her friend attractive. It's that he tried to bring her friend into their bedroom as a sex partner! HUGE difference.
DeusExMachina Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 If you don't feel comfortable about it then tell him exactly that. If he loves you then he should respect your boundaries and understand not all fantasies need to be explored. I have been in a threesome and it was with a FWB and her friend, it was very weird afterward for a while. I could not imagine the strain that would put on a long term monogamous relationship. I would never consider doing it in a relationship that I would want to last. There are ppl that can have threesomes and carry one afterward like nothing happened, but not everyone can. I say do not even consider it if you have any doubts, even little ones!
Woggle Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I will side with the women here and say that he should be willing to do man on man if he wants you to do a threesome. I never got why men actually want their wives and girlfriends to engage in lesbian activity. This is playing with fire and she end up leaving you for a woman.
A O Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 But I would have to say that my guy bringing up the possibility of banging my best friend would absolutely cross the line of being disrespectful in his views. To me, its only disrespectful if he continues on with his behavior "after" knowing how you feel about things. Couples talk, they air their views over all manner of things and hopefully reach a mutually respectful consensus in the process. Assuming that the other person should know how we feel about all manner of things without discussion isn't the wisest thing to do. .
A O Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I will side with the women here and say that he should be willing to do man on man if he wants you to do a threesome. Indeed. What's good for one is good for both. .
Author amazingmandy Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Well he still hasn't brought up the actual threesome since I told him how I felt, so I think he realizes that his twisted fantasy is best to stay in his head. But it's still in the back of my head why he brought my friend into this... I understand that he checks out other girls, but really, who can't help themselves? What bothers me is that it's my best friend and he told me. I'm now starting to think maybe he only suggested her, not because of sexual interest, but because she was the only one he could think of who would be willing. I haven't talked to her about this, and I don't plan to. Or should I? On a side-ish note, if I were to turn the tables and ask to have a threesome with him and another man, he would say no. He gets jealous so easily. Anytime he sees I have a text from some other guy, he goes crazy and smothers me in questions. He doesn't like me going to concerts at all cause I'll be "rubbing up and grinding" with everyone else. So to even joke about having a threesome? Not a good idea. Thanks yall for all the help again!
serial muse Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 To me, its only disrespectful if he continues on with his behavior "after" knowing how you feel about things. Couples talk, they air their views over all manner of things and hopefully reach a mutually respectful consensus in the process. Assuming that the other person should know how we feel about all manner of things without discussion isn't the wisest thing to do. Sure, yes, talking things out = good, we can't read one anothers' minds, communication, etc. etc. etc. BUT. He didn't feel her out on the subject of threesomes as a fantasy, and then gently lead her to the idea of making the fantasy a reality, and then what about with someone we know, and would that be OK for you, and what about this person, etc. Checking to see where she is each step of the way. Nope. He dropped it like a hot brick that he was hoping to do her and her friend. That is just plain dumb as well as yes, insensitive.
A O Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 On a side-ish note, if I were to turn the tables and ask to have a threesome with him and another man, he would say no. He gets jealous so easily. Anytime he sees I have a text from some other guy, he goes crazy and smothers me in questions. He doesn't like me going to concerts at all cause I'll be "rubbing up and grinding" with everyone else. So to even joke about having a threesome? Not a good idea. Given this context - I'd dump him quick pronto. Sure, yes, talking things out = good, we can't read one anothers' minds, communication, etc. etc. etc. Great. Now, hopefully in the future you won't automatically feel disrespected if your man ever crosses a yet to be discussed/agreed upon boundary. .
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