amazingmandy Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and we are very close. We can talk about anything, and he has even brought up getting married. Just recently he brought up that he wanted to have a threesome with another woman and myself. He has said things such as: "I think it would be hot for someone to watch us." "I would only actually kiss you." "You're the only one that I could ever actually love." "I'm just curious what it's like, and life is short." I am really nervous about doing this for many reasons. First of all, he is my man, I don't want another woman touching him and I think this may be a free pass to cheat. Second, I've heard threesomes often destroy relationships. Third, I'm not really comfortable with this at all, I am completely straight and the only reason I am even considering this is that I want to make him happy. And the biggest reason that is making me so nervous is... The woman he was considering to do this with us is my best friend since middle school! I really need some help of what to say to him... :/ Thanks for reading.
EasyHeart Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This is creepy on so many levels. Don't.even.think.about.it.
confusedgirl56 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Tough situation. Are you turned on by the thought of a threesome too? While you're deciding, tell him that you're okay with it, as long as he's okay with you having a threesome with him and another guy and see what he says.
Author amazingmandy Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Tough situation. Are you turned on by the thought of a threesome too? While you're deciding, tell him that you're okay with it, as long as he's okay with you having a threesome with him and another guy and see what he says. I am not turned on by this AT ALL. I can't even find the words to explain it. Even if it were me plus two guys, that's not my thing. What I told him is, it makes me really nervous and I'm not comfortable with it, especially with my friend. He said, "Ok... That's fine..." But now I just feel bad.
tonyp56 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Sorry, every guy makes the mistake to think fantasy would be cool in real life. It simply isn't... Don't think about giving in and let him know that you are offended that he would bring it up and the fact he brought your best friend into it offends you even worse! YOU should ask him, "What if I wanted you to get it with your best friend while I watched?" To hopefully bring him back down to earth. You shouldn't be required to do this to make "him" happy. I'm sure, fantasy world you might think about this for a few seconds, but you sound like you know it is wrong and that it would hurt your relationship. Not to mention how would you look at your friend?
tonyp56 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 But now I just feel bad. Don't don't don't!!!! If you guys really love each other, you saying no to him saves your relationship from him being a guy... And it saves you from a big big mess that YOU would get blame for if it went south!
Author amazingmandy Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Sorry, every guy makes the mistake to think fantasy would be cool in real life. It simply isn't... Don't think about giving in and let him know that you are offended that he would bring it up and the fact he brought your best friend into it offends you even worse! YOU should ask him, "What if I wanted you to get it with your best friend while I watched?" To hopefully bring him back down to earth. You shouldn't be required to do this to make "him" happy. I'm sure, fantasy world you might think about this for a few seconds, but you sound like you know it is wrong and that it would hurt your relationship. Not to mention how would you look at your friend? Thank you for all this it helped a lot... I guess my main problem is I don't know how to go about talking to him about all this... Not to mention him bringing my friend into this? I can't help but think he wants her. Which just makes me somewhat sad... Don't worry I'm not going to have this threesome. My concern is how to deal with him wanting it.
CarrieT Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 My concern is how to deal with him wanting it. You can't beat yourself up and internalize HIS desires. Every person has fantasies and desires and just because he doesn't get what he wants, is not something you need to concern yourself with. Relish the fact that your relationship is open and honest enough to be able to discuss those needs and then be able to put them behind you. It will happen again in other ways; he wants to go this concert some Saturday, but you have already made a commitment to go to that party, etc... It is the same thing; every body in life WANTS things but that does not mean you get what you want. Just because you have the capabilities to fulfill a desire for someone does not make you obligated to do so. Gee, you want a five-hour massage and breakfast in bed from your boyfriend followed by a mani-pedi and having him read you love poetry. Is he obligated to give you what you want? Should his concern be how to deal with all these things you want? Nope - you want it, he is not comfortable with the breakfast and mani-pedi or love poetry and - poof - your desires are not fulfilled. You move on and move forward, desires unfulfilled... Get the picture?
Professor X Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 My concern is how to deal with him wanting it. You don't need to deal with it as he will keep wanting it no matter what; Just understand the difference between fantasy and reality and let him be. If he brings it up again just tell him that as much as you want to please him, you're to much of a jealous person and you can't see another woman touch him and that means you can't follow it through. And you're right, a 3some with someone you know, especially in the caliber of an old friend will ruin your RS, 100%.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This is hilarious... I've deflected these requests very simply... I tell him that I'd be happy to accomodate his desire for a threesome with two women. but FIRST, he has to accomodate my desire for a threesome with two men. Him, me, and another man. His first response is usually "UGH!! THAT's DISGUSTING!!" and I say, "yes, that is how I feel about being with another woman.... so that is the deal. You go first." What usually follows is some discussion about how it is more 'natural' for two women to be together. And what then also follows is a discussion about how that is BS fed by male funded porn. ... and that my deal still stands... for weeks afterward, whenever we are walking through the stores, or at restaurants, I'll point out men I'd consider to invite (usually ones who are better looking than him, more physically fit, younger). That works like a charm.... Ends the discussion pretty quick. And also gives him the opportunity to put himself in my shoes and get out of his selfish 'little' mind.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 oh... and I would not marry him. I would never marry anyone who'd want to share me with anyone... male or female. Start looking for a new BF, unfortunately.
Professor X Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This is hilarious... I've deflected these requests very simply... I tell him that I'd be happy to accomodate his desire for a threesome with two women. but FIRST, he has to accomodate my desire for a threesome with two men. Him, me, and another man. His first response is usually "UGH!! THAT's DISGUSTING!!" and I say, "yes, that is how I feel about being with another woman.... so that is the deal. You go first." What usually follows is some discussion about how it is more 'natural' for two women to be together. And what then also follows is a discussion about how that is BS fed by male funded porn. ... and that my deal still stands... for weeks afterward, whenever we are walking through the stores, or at restaurants, I'll point out men I'd consider to invite (usually ones who are better looking than him, more physically fit, younger). That works like a charm.... Ends the discussion pretty quick. And also gives him the opportunity to put himself in my shoes and get out of his selfish 'little' mind. Sneaky snake! I wonder what'll happen when someone actually accepts your offer? are you into 3some anyway with 2 guys?
Casablanca Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Sorry, every guy makes the mistake to think fantasy would be cool in real life. It simply isn't... This, it is quite normal for a guy to think and bring it up...now unless he actually starts pressuring you into, then there is an issue...just ignore it, if he is worth keeping, it will go away and he wont pressure you about it
Mystery Man Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I know two couples who werew long term married and very sure of their feeling for each other. Both couples had threesomes. Both copules were divorced a year later. As stated above, some fantasies should remain fantasies.
sm1tten Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. Simple as that. You really only have a problem if he tries to convince you or pressure you into it, which is a different kettle of fish. As far as the other woman being your best friend, just because he may find her attractive enough to want to sleep with doesn't mean that he's going to. The only people I know who have had threesomes didn't do it in the context of a relationship. But anyone can tell you that doing something for your partner that you deep down object to is going to kill the relationship.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This, it is quite normal for a guy to think and bring it up... Really? Would you bring it up with someone you were considering marrying?? I'm not being sarcastic... I'm wondering how serious this guy really is about the OP if he is ok sharing her with someone else. Sure, there are people who believe in open relationships or want to explore them.. that points to possibly a difference in values... that to me is a bigger issue than her BF finding her good friend attractive... I also don't recommend necessarily that she just lets this drop. If she is seriously thinking marriage with this guy, it is worth a serious discussion to see where his values are. It isn't lighthearted or fun to find out AFTER you make a life time commitment that they want to have sex with other people and you too. With or without your permission.
Mutant Debutante Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) Ugh. It's not weird for a guy to wonder/mention, but it sounds like he's already being pressuring with his bargaining "I would only kiss you..." and "life's too short." And with your BEST FRIEND? It's insensitive, it's disrespectful, it's pushy...whatta maroon. Man, it would totally bum me out that he brought my friend into it in his mind, WTF is he thinking. Does he have that low respect? Does he have zero boundaries? Or is he just really stupid? I might need a little alone time to think about the relationship, seriously. It's not automatic dealbreaker time but this might really color my perception of him negatively. Bye bye rosy glasses, anyway... I'd have a hard time letting go completely on the friend thing no matter how cool I might want to be about it intellectually. Edited August 21, 2011 by Mutant Debutante I kin spehl
motive2002 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 This is hilarious... I've deflected these requests very simply... I tell him that I'd be happy to accomodate his desire for a threesome with two women. but FIRST, he has to accomodate my desire for a threesome with two men. Him, me, and another man. His first response is usually "UGH!! THAT's DISGUSTING!!" and I say, "yes, that is how I feel about being with another woman.... so that is the deal. You go first." What usually follows is some discussion about how it is more 'natural' for two women to be together. And what then also follows is a discussion about how that is BS fed by male funded porn. ... and that my deal still stands... for weeks afterward, whenever we are walking through the stores, or at restaurants, I'll point out men I'd consider to invite (usually ones who are better looking than him, more physically fit, younger). That works like a charm.... Ends the discussion pretty quick. And also gives him the opportunity to put himself in my shoes and get out of his selfish 'little' mind. I love this post. There's a problem though. Myself personally... I would go first and have no problem with it. I would have some say so on the man she chooses however... All this playful banter aside, it's still a horrible idea. Take it from someone that has a little experience in this department. No matter how good your intentions are, the green monster of jealousy will find a way to rear it's ugly head. I would put good money on it. No joke.
linwood Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 NoNoNoNo...do not do this. If you`ve told your boyfriend all you`ve stated here and he`s still dropping hints about the threesome he`s a selfish ass. If you haven`t told him what you said here...why?
motive2002 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Also to address the OP's question, you've already answered it for yourself. You don't feel comfortable at all with the idea. It's not unreasonable to say no this, no matter how much he would like it. What he is asking for is trouble, and would make you upset in the long run. Draw your line in the sand. If he really has you in mind, he'll respect your decision. I'm sure he can live his whole life wondering what it would be like. It's just a fantasy.
chinesewifes Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 For dating and marrying a Chinese bride and Chinese wife, please visit: www.chinesewifes.com. If you want to marry a Chinese bride and Chinese wife, how can you bring your Chinese girl back? For details, you can check or click the website: http://www.chinesewifes.com/ and learn how to do. good luck My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and we are very close. We can talk about anything, and he has even brought up getting married. Just recently he brought up that he wanted to have a threesome with another woman and myself. He has said things such as: "I think it would be hot for someone to watch us." "I would only actually kiss you." "You're the only one that I could ever actually love." "I'm just curious what it's like, and life is short." I am really nervous about doing this for many reasons. First of all, he is my man, I don't want another woman touching him and I think this may be a free pass to cheat. Second, I've heard threesomes often destroy relationships. Third, I'm not really comfortable with this at all, I am completely straight and the only reason I am even considering this is that I want to make him happy. And the biggest reason that is making me so nervous is... The woman he was considering to do this with us is my best friend since middle school! I really need some help of what to say to him... :/ Thanks for reading.
Casablanca Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Really? Would you bring it up with someone you were considering marrying?? Yep, I've mentioned it to the two women I was closest to ever marrying...now I didnt say things like "i'll only kiss you"...it was more of a joking bark up the tree and see how she reacts...I was never really serious about it, but doesnt mean I didnt think about it, or if we were drunk enough I wouldnt be against it
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I love this post. There's a problem though. Myself personally... I would go first and have no problem with it. I would have some say so on the man she chooses however... All this playful banter aside, it's still a horrible idea. Take it from someone that has a little experience in this department. No matter how good your intentions are, the green monster of jealousy will find a way to rear it's ugly head. I would put good money on it. No joke. I know... good thing noone ever called my bluff! It was fun seeing their reactions though... Agreed... all playful banter aside... I've never personally witnessed a relationship make it through this kind of thing. I still do wonder how really 'in love' this guy is with the OP if he could suggest it. Even for a non-jealous type guy. Seems like all fun and games... but it isn't at all.
BetheButterfly Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Sorry, every guy makes the mistake to think fantasy would be cool in real life. It simply isn't... Don't think about giving in and let him know that you are offended that he would bring it up and the fact he brought your best friend into it offends you even worse! YOU should ask him, "What if I wanted you to get it with your best friend while I watched?" To hopefully bring him back down to earth. You shouldn't be required to do this to make "him" happy. I'm sure, fantasy world you might think about this for a few seconds, but you sound like you know it is wrong and that it would hurt your relationship. Not to mention how would you look at your friend? Totally agree with the above. OP, fantasies are not always good. People have fantasies all the time that are crossing lines and that if done in real life, would hurt people physically or emotionally. Please don't fulfill his fantasy just to make him "happy" while it hurts you. That is very unloving and uncaring on his part. You do not exist just to make him "happy." You are worth dignity and respect and love and care, and his wanting you to fulfill his harmful fantasy is opposite of love and caring. Hopefully he'll wake up and realize that before he hurts somebody.
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