JWM Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Hey guys, First up, great forum. It's nice to see people helping others out of sheer kindness. The world could do with more of that. I'll try to keep this short... I really need some good advice on this situation, although I know it might be hard. I'm a music producer and met a Norwegian singer online, we made a song together and eventually got to know each other, and over a few months started getting strong feelings for each other (over the Internet which was a first for both of us). We decided we liked each other enough to meet, so a few months later I took a trip to Norway to meet her. We had the best few weeks together and fell in love. The whole distance thing didn't really bother us at the time, although we where a bit nervous but mostly excited about the whole thing. We made plans to meet up again. She was really affectionate and was telling me every day that she loved me, I felt the same... Then the horrific and tragic massacre on Utoeya island happened a week later after I got back to England. I was devastated and found it really hard to cope with the thought as to how she was feeling, as she tragically lost a friend she had on that island. She said she wouldn't be in contact for a few days, as she was so upset. Over the next week I sent her a little message every day telling her that I loved her and was there for her, if she needed me. I got so stressed out about the whole situation and the fact that I couldn't be there to comfort her, as you can imagine it really worried me. She wasn't (understandably) replying to my messages until one day she just told me she wanted to split, but because she couldn't handle the distance. I was absolutely heartbroken, and still am, a few weeks later. To this day I still don't know how she feels about the whole situation. I literally haven't know how she's felt since that tragic day in Norway. I have tried talking to her but it hasn't worked. It has gone from the most loving messages to complete no contact on her side. I really do love this girl and want it to work for both of us. The distance was never really an issue, but all of a sudden, it was. She said she couldn't see us together in future and it wasn't because of what happened to her friend, but I know there must be something else to this as just weeks before she loved me so much, and now she is so cold. She won't even talk to me. This situation is so crazy and because I've never had to go through something like this before, I don't know how to react, that's why I'm posting on here. I've been stressing about it so much and just want some kind of happy ending for both of us. I really don't know what to do, we haven't spoke for a week or so now, and really don't want to lose her. Any advice anyone has will be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys
surferchic Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 First, let me start by saying I'm very sorry that things have folded the way that they have. It is tragic, the turn of events. Try not to be discouraged. She probably has a slew of emotions going on, but I dont know why she is pushing you away rather than tring to find a way to make it work. Some people just can't cope with love and stress ... Just ensure her that you care but dont run it in the ground. Give her some time and/ or ask her very specific questions to get some firm answers...calmly, btw. If she comes around then great. Best wishes! Keep us posted.
Author JWM Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 First, let me start by saying I'm very sorry that things have folded the way that they have. It is tragic, the turn of events. Try not to be discouraged. She probably has a slew of emotions going on, but I dont know why she is pushing you away rather than tring to find a way to make it work. Some people just can't cope with love and stress ... Just ensure her that you care but dont run it in the ground. Give her some time and/ or ask her very specific questions to get some firm answers...calmly, btw. If she comes around then great. Best wishes! Keep us posted. Hey, thanks Surferchic that sounds like really good advice. It's nice to get a different perspective from people you don't know (if you get what I mean). I have a massive desire to wait out a while and see how this turns out, I feel simply walking away from this situation is a bad idea, and I want to show her that I can be there for her. I think the only thing that I'm scared of is being rejected and/or wasting my time and getting hurt, but I've a slightly different perspective as I'm feeling stronger again now so I want to see this through. I have to send her some music related stuff next month in the post, so I'm going to send a little short and upbeat video message along with it, just saying hi, then see what happens. Thanks
HeavenOrHell Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I agree with this. Hope things work out for you First, let me start by saying I'm very sorry that things have folded the way that they have. It is tragic, the turn of events. Try not to be discouraged. She probably has a slew of emotions going on, but I dont know why she is pushing you away rather than tring to find a way to make it work. Some people just can't cope with love and stress ... Just ensure her that you care but dont run it in the ground. Give her some time and/ or ask her very specific questions to get some firm answers...calmly, btw. If she comes around then great. Best wishes! Keep us posted.
Author JWM Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) *Update* Still pretty upset about this situation. Wow she is really doing some hard core no contact here. Still have not heard one word. She changed her profile picture on FB a couple of days ago to a picture I took of her when I visited, but I'm assuming this means nothing at all. She also has a new song online called 'Unconditional Love', but it's all in Norwegian so no chance of ever understanding if it's directed at me or not, although I do know that she usually records her vocals in English. Maybe (and this is a long shot) it's her way of telling me how she feels without actually telling me, if that makes sense. I think it could pain her so much for us to be far away and so in love that she just ended it, and her no contact is her way of dealing with it. In a moment of madness last night I sent her a message just saying 'Hey', but no response. Then whether it was a good idea or a really rubbish one, I messaged her best friend last night, and no response as of yet. Here's what it said (names edited out): Hey ****, How are you? I apologize for messaging unannounced like this, but I need some friendly advice... is that ok? I think you know what I'm going to talk to you about, it's ****... she won't talk to me and I guess I need some advice on what to do. I don't know whether she still has feelings for me or not. I've found it quite difficult because she hasn't and won't talk to me, so I really don't know how she feels about me - does that make sense? I guess I need some kind of closure to the whole thing. I don't feel like I can move on without knowing how she feels. Please don't tell her I sent this to you (obviously she will - doh!) Thanks ****, I hope you are well and enjoying your summer x Take it easy Hmmmm. looking back at that I really shouldn't have said anything. But then again it's driving me bananas as I have no clue how she feels at all. I haven't been pressurising or anything and I feel I have some sort of right to know? I would be gutted if she still loves me, but there was nothing I could do. What to do next? Well I'm going to try my hardest to not contact her until this - I still have some music stuff to send her next month, and I recorded a short video message to go with it, kept it short and light and friendly. I tried to put across the 'me' that she fell for in the first place. That's gonna be my last try on this, and then if I hear nothing I'm just going to have to accept it and move on. Anyway thanks for letting me vent all this out on this forum, it helps loads. I just hope she doesn't stumble across it haha Thoughts? *EDIT* I just realized how depressing and morbid this subject title is, should have been something a bit more upbeat even if it doesn't have a happy ending... Edited August 25, 2011 by JWM
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