Has anyone had an ex contact them after NC? how is everyones NC going?

August 21, 2011

I'm just wondering about others stories and seeing how other people and their "NC" is going... How long has everyone been in NC with their ex? Have you heard from them at all? How are you dealing with it? Just wondering......

I'm having trouble with NC but trying to stay strong and think positive and trying to stay thinking of all the reasons I should stay away from him.

I'm just wondering have any of you had any success stories, with either doing better after awhile of NC? how has NC made things? better, worse? etc?

August 21, 2011

I have only had two days NC haha. Even though we have broken up a month ago. It is so hard.I hard the urge to break it today but came on here instead.

Everyone says it is really hard but in the end it does help.Even experts advise it , so I think it is the right thing to do.

Good luck !

August 21, 2011

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through I'm definitely in the same boat. Its not easy, I know! But thats GREAT that you've been in NC for 2 days though...that is a start! Def keep it up, you will feel way better in the end! I'm going to do the same... I keep thinking about the results and how much happier I will be once I just stop contacting.

Just keep being strong and staying positive...and being on here is a great distraction! I've truly noticed coming on here and seeing that there's so many people in the same situation makes me realize I'm not alone. Its nice to know that there's people that understand. we will all be okay! I know it's hard now, but in the end we will only end up much happier without them. And if they see that, they will know what they lost in us. And we will realize what we gained by leaving them.

Right now they don't realize because we are these weak people, we aren't the people they met in the beginning, and once we get over the hurt and the pain we will be back to those strong happy individuals we once were.

I think it's just the will power thats hard, but if we keep it, then only good can come from it. Usually in most circumstances no good comes from talking to them. If they wanted to talk to us, in the end, they would.

I believe with time things will get better, and our strength will only make us more beautiful in the end. Life is only what we make it. I try to think that losing one person in a world full of people isnt the end of the world, although it sometimes feels like it. We will all eventually move on if we put our minds to it and focus all that time and energy we put into them, into ourselves and our own personal individual happiness!

August 21, 2011

Thank you you sound like a really strong and together person. I hope you can keep going too. Maybe even reward yourself each time you get through a week or even the day without NC .

Like buy a nice top or do something your ex hated but you love. It is just the getting through part that is the hardest , even though we will get better.

August 21, 2011

I've been NC with my ex for about 8 months now. She broke up with me and was in a relationship within a month. She's contacted me twice so far...one time at around 3 weeks NC asking how I was doing. I didn't reply. She contacted me a month ago apologizing for everything shes put me through and that she's found herself now. I replied nonchalantly ' No worries, glad your doing well' I didn't get any reply from her and about a week later I went out got drunk and texted her 'I love you'. She hasnt responded to that either. But i dont regret it at all...at least she knows now that Im not holding onto any grudges. Has NC helped? Tremendously. Does it get easier over time? Most definitely. You jst gotta DO IT and STICK TO IT. I actually cant believe its been 8 months already...I used to do NC in hopes that it will make her miss me and bring her back..but its been 8 months so I doubt it. Just go for it, its the best thing you can do after a breakup I guarantee ot.

August 21, 2011

Have been in and out of nc for 3 mths, the longest time was 2 weeks then i contacted him to text happy birthday, he called back saying that "for some reason he was only just facing and feeling the pain of the b/u and suddenly it was all very raw" then i found out he was seeing someone else, so more nc for 3 weeks then he text to ask to see me, when we spoke he said- irrespective of of i would or not he waould "take" me back tomorrow.

i dont really know if he meant that, but he admitted he realised he had a problem with being on his own which is why he went with the first girl that showed him any attention. I dont want him back, but i will probably meet him just so he can see me looking super hot and not in an emotional mess!

August 21, 2011

Wow, SleepyKitten, that's a pretty good outcome! Glad you're looking super hot and have moved on!

We broke up a bit over a month ago, he broke up with me because "he needed to find himself", but kept emailing me mostly pointless emails about his day. I went no contact until yesterday, for 11 days. I told him I couldn't be friends with him, and he needed to give me space. He sent me 3 emails over that time, the first was just a link to a website he thought my brother would like (WTF?), the second a bit nicer, the third saying he's been thinking about stuff and misses me.

The thing about this is that it's so typical of him. He is not trying to get me back, I know that 100%, but I've always been so loving towards him that he gets nicer the less I contact him because he starts worrying I'm not just sitting around being his rock anymore. So, obviously, this has reinforced the need for no contact to me.

Yesterday he sent me an email saying that he'd like to call me, but if that's not OK to let him know. So kind of cornering me in. I replied "I probably shouldn't talk to you, but, you know me, I'm curious, and I hope you have sometihng sensible to say" (he's been non-stop contradicting himself for months now). He replied "nothing earth shattering, I just want your advice on some things.".

He's going to call me tonight, and I am going to explain to him that we can't be friends, and me "needing space" doesn't mean days, but months or years.

And then I am going to go hardcore no contact. I hope I can last.

August 21, 2011

I am on day 14 since the break up and also day 14 of NC.

I'm proud of myself for not contacting him but for me its actually getting harder right now.

I think the reason is that I thought he might have contacted me by now.

Its rough and this place really helps when I feel the urge.

In actual fact I'm not even sure what I would even say if I were to message him...

We still love eachother but he needed to find himself and realise why he is unhappy with life and doesn't want to hurt me or mess me around anymore.

After reading the thread its become clear he has the G I G S but not only with me but with life.

He is afraid of entering the next stage of life and I think being with me made it more real for him.

I miss him terribly and want him to fight for me and I know there is a possibility he might never do that. Its just difficult accepting that.

August 21, 2011

WindWhisperer,

I feel your pain. I too am on day 14 of NC and feeling so sad that my ex has not contacted me. I thought for sure he would have at least called or send an email to ask me how I am doing, but nothing.

I think we should be proud of ourselves that we have been strong and faced things and grieved and didn't give in to temptation to call. I believe that, as painful as NC is, it does help bring strength, clarity, and eventually, peace.

August 21, 2011

It's never smooth sailing, but NC has become a fact of life, now.

August 21, 2011

Some 1.5 months till it will be 1 year NC. There were times when I wanted to mail her something nasty, or ask some random dumb question. I thought a lot what I would say if I met her on the street. I removed my profiles from social networks, I think its better that way, rather than checking every day every 2 hours about "what if", "maybe she mailed me", and keeping that blind hope that she will understand, say something and my soul will be at peace.

I avoided parts of the town I could meet her, I avoid some events. If I do meet her accidentally now, I think Ill say nothing, keep silent, mute like a fish, and walk away, or if I absolutely have to, say something like "I gotta go; no time". I must remember this my decision, cause people sometimes say something like "nice to meet you, how are you, and good luck". Well now I dont want to meet her, I dont want to ask her how is she, because she always was fine and never would care/return the same interest for me, and I dont even want to wish her good luck, because she already has all of it, and would not wish me the same. Its like cancer patient dying on bed asking how is everybody and good luck to you all, I got to run. But she would never return the kindness. Always take, never give.

So, my NC is on, and I think it will stay so, but that doesnt mean Im not replaying all the stuff in my head hundreds of times.

August 21, 2011

Does anyone ever think maybe the ex is waiting for us to contact them?

I know its silly... But the thought has crossed my mind. Someone set me straight!

August 21, 2011

like no contact. It's nice to self-reflect, reflect on his behavior separate of my own and really try to understand that I'm on my own now. I won't let this change me a lot, because I love/like me so I won't give this guy power over me anymore.

We did talk a week ago, and it was suppose to be a practical things talk but he asked me how I was...only to talk about his problems for nearly two hours. It was just weird, I'm sorry, I have been notified about a month ago that I'm not your girlfriend anymore so I really don't care to listen but there i was listen for 2 hours to him. But at least it finally sunk in, it's not me, it's him and I finally believed it.

So no contact is good for me and I'm going to be doing it for a long time.

August 21, 2011

Windwhisperer... No. I think they broke up with us because they wanted out. Not so they could say "I'll break up with them... just to see how long it takes them to get back in contact." Because most ex's find it annoying when dumpees try to get in constant contact with them after a breakup (IMO). They are probably glad we're not blowing up their phones. I know I broke up with this guy once and its almost like he started contacting me MORE after the break up, which was the opposite of what I wanted.

14 weeks post break up and NC since day 1 ... so just shy of 3 months. (not counting the nasty grams he sent me, the awkward run in at Target, or the creepy possible car-waver... because I didn't initiate or reach out). Definitely best thing I could have done after the breakup. No regrets at all. Wish I knew it about my other breakups. Would have saved alot of heartache and dignity.

August 21, 2011

california15 summed it up ok.

but thinking about it, i had an ex that i went NC on and she would try and contact me. a year later she has tried adding me on fb and im still NC. she even got her friend to try and add me to... :S

but because i dont care about her at all, i dont see the need to accept there friend requests

an even older ex like taking when i was 15 tried adding me on fb. again i ignored.

August 21, 2011

For me, 10 weeks post breakup. I broke NC 2 weeks after break up and maintained it all the way till now, so that's 8 weeks NC already. She broke NC about 5 weeks ago asking some irrelevant stuffs. I was taken into a ride of whether or not should I chase her again and all, but ultimately decided not do anything because a part of me is really afraid of getting hurt again in case it's really breadcrumbs. She's attached to this guy now barely knowing him for 2 months. Rebound or not, I really don't care even though signs do show that it's most likely a rebound. I'm just desperately getting my life back, piece by piece.

August 21, 2011

Thank u!

Ill keep telling myself that

August 21, 2011

Wow, SleepyKitten, that's a pretty good outcome! Glad you're looking super hot and have moved on!

We broke up a bit over a month ago, he broke up with me because "he needed to find himself", but kept emailing me mostly pointless emails about his day. I went no contact until yesterday, for 11 days. I told him I couldn't be friends with him, and he needed to give me space. He sent me 3 emails over that time, the first was just a link to a website he thought my brother would like (WTF?), the second a bit nicer, the third saying he's been thinking about stuff and misses me.

The thing about this is that it's so typical of him. He is not trying to get me back, I know that 100%, but I've always been so loving towards him that he gets nicer the less I contact him because he starts worrying I'm not just sitting around being his rock anymore. So, obviously, this has reinforced the need for no contact to me.

Yesterday he sent me an email saying that he'd like to call me, but if that's not OK to let him know. So kind of cornering me in. I replied "I probably shouldn't talk to you, but, you know me, I'm curious, and I hope you have sometihng sensible to say" (he's been non-stop contradicting himself for months now). He replied "nothing earth shattering, I just want your advice on some things.".

He's going to call me tonight, and I am going to explain to him that we can't be friends, and me "needing space" doesn't mean days, but months or years.

And then I am going to go hardcore no contact. I hope I can last.

Your doing the right thing, as hes only gunna hurt you more by continuing to suck you in with pointless texts. My ex did the same to me . I remember early in the breakup i did 3 weeks no contact then i got sucked in and ofcourse i felt like her contacting me meant she wanted me back. ofcourse i was soo wrong. I sent her a heart felt email getting everything off my chest then didnt hear from her for over 2 weeks and all i got was another pointless text at like 1130 at night. I was hurt and pissed. I text her and said why are you continuing to play with me and to leave me the hell alone. Ultimately things got worse from that point on and now nc is for good atleast from my side. I realized I didn't want a person like that in my life if all she wanted to do was use me for when she was boared or whatever. So stay strong with nc its the best way.

August 21, 2011

I am 5 weeks at no contact with a very difficult story and break up of a long term relationship. I seriously doubt he will try and contact me. I think he is humiliated and embarrassed at his behavior and he should be.

I change my email, deleted his number, blocked him on fb. If he can't be decent to me, he does not get access to me. Don't really know him anymore especially with the unbelievable crap he put me through. I doubt he would apologize anyway.

Try the link below. It helped me.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-rose/

August 21, 2011

No contact since last December, last time we mutually talked was in November. She broke off after three years in late last June, new boyfriend by the first week of August. They're still probably together but as for how my no contact is going? Well to sum it up...there's been no contact.

I still miss the girl she used to be...

Edited August 21, 2011 by Glove_slap

August 21, 2011

I read all of your responses, and like all of you, it just is incredible to see there are so many people in the same situation. I can relate to almost everyone's stories.

I know, NC is the hardest thing, but truly the only thing that will make everything better and help us to move on. I think we truly need to want to move on and we need to let go of the hope that they will come back to us to truly move on. Sometimes it's either all or nothing. If we keep the hope, they will always be on our minds and we wont move on. We have to do NC without any hopes at all, just for ourselves.

BUTTERCUP- Loved your post!!! Girl power:cool: that sounds like a great thing to do... every week that we get through doing NC, we should do something for ourselves like buy a nice top or get our nails done or take a nice bubble bath while giving ourself a facial. I think I just might do that! It'll give something to look forward to. and maybe even the weeks will go by instead of seeming so slow because we will be working on ourselves!

I'm not going to lie, I broke NC last night, but that is the last time. I am going to stop contact cold turkey today, no more. I ended up sending him a message saying how much I loved him and how I couldnt watch a movie or listen to a song without thinking of something we did together. But I also told him I am moving on and letting go of hope because he isnt the right one for me because he has always been emotionally unavailable and I'm a person that loves to be close. I told him that maybe after we are both moved on and over the pain and hurt we both caused, maybe we will be able to call eachother here and there to say hello and maybe even be friends, because we do enjoy doing the same things and we have a lot of fun together. But I also said at the same time,maybe we won't end up being able to do that... it just ends up where life takes us and as of now I am letting go of the impossible. I told him I loved him, but I was done and it wasnt going to workout.

So now starts the NC.... Reading all your stories make it seem so possible. I dont think its hard, I think we just truly have to want to do it. And I do! There comes a time when something just isn't worth it anymore, kind of like beating a dead horse... you just have to walk away and let go whether it hurts or not, I believe the pain will subside one day.

I'll just keep coming on here talking to you all and reading all your stories, they are refreshing and they truly give me the strength to proceed. It will get better for all of us. Its hard now, but it will pay off in the end and we will be happier than when we started. I'm going to make myself happy. We should matter more than them!!!! If they don't want us now, maybe they will in the future (and at that point chances are we wont want them, because we will be moved on)...and in the end it is only their losses for losing someone who cares so much. Its hard to find someone like that these days. it's his loss and my gain, and he was just a mean person bitter person who doesn't know how to be emotionally involved with anyone. Helps me to move on when I remember that!

August 22, 2011

Im 4 months post breakup from a 5 and a half year relationship. I did a month and a half of NC at the start then answered my phone when she called me about 2 months later. I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for breaking up, maybe it wasnt for another guy and maybe the distance was hard for her and she just needed to figure stuff out.

About a week later I found out she was already dating the guy she told me she didnt leave me for and telling him she loved him. Since that day it has been an easy 2 months NC and she has called twice but ive ignored both of them. Why would I want to talk with someone on such a childish maturity level? I dont know that person any more and the person I fell in love with is loooong gone. I dont want to be this new girls friend.

August 22, 2011

Everytime I broke NC, my ex threw his new girlfriend in my face...the one he started seeing within 7 days after we broke up. So I'm trying to stay strong. It's been almost 7 days since I had my meltdown outside. I'm coping. I'm staying strong. Today I burst into tears but I still stayed strong. The thing that helps me the most are planning my future and reading self-help books.

August 23, 2011

Once I went NC with my now ex for 3 weeks. I started commenting on FB and eventually contacted him for something and he was like "what happened to you" and was pretty much at my beck and call after that. So, I broke it but it got his attention.

Now we are officially over and I don't know if I should even think I may hear from him ever again. But NC is my only option because he shut the door so there is nothing I really CAN say to him that doesn't sound stupid like "just wondering how you're doing." Do I REALLY want to know? It's only been about 2 weeks so it's too fresh and I just think about how weak that is. I think NC would work if the guy can see his life without you but in my case my ex is distracted by his new woman so like I said I won't hear from him any time soon. The most tempting this is not commenting on FB since we are still friends, neither of us will block. I forgave him already in my heart because I needed to.

It's NOT easy because I miss him terribly. But I write my feelings in my journal or draft emails that I don't send (don't put his address in either). I've deleted his phone so I can't text. I am keeping count on my mirror to challenge myself to see how long I can go before I hear from him or hopefully move on and feel silly for writing on my mirror, either would be nice. But when you have lonely moments, you start thinking up excuses to contact him. I just try to remind myself of the 98% chance I'm just going to be ignored.

I had a BF a couple years ago that kinda faded out of the picture and months later AFTER I had moved on, he came after me hard. Don't you want to do this and that? Really? Now? Moving on is probably the best way to get a guy back. I need to follow my own advice;)

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