WindWhisperer Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 As a recap: My ex and I had issues, I won't deny it. It was a rough patch for me but he saw it differently. We both got our own places (unforeseen circumstances) and this caused issues. Whose house to stay at? He thought I expected him to be at my place 5 days a week which really wasn't the case. 2 weeks ago he said that he realised he was unhappy with life. He needs to figure out why he is the way he is, why he is emotionally unattached and why he can't make me happy the way he wants to. He said it has nothing to do with not loving me or not wanting to be with me but he doesn't want to hurt me or mess me around anymore. I cried but I didn't go ballistic trying to fight for him because I knew he was right. What hurt me is that he knows I love him more than anything and am willing to do anything for him and he didn't want me to help him or go through it with him.. Or fight for what we had. We still love each other that's what bugs me. I've managed to keep NC completely but as time goes I'm feeling weaker and weaker. I'm continuing with my life to the best of my ability. I went out tonight with friends. And as the night went on I just became more more down. I left and by the time I got home I completely broke down and I can't stop crying. I miss him so much it hurts to move. I want to fight for him but I know I musnt break NC first. I've been through heart break before. (Worse than this because it was a hideous break up with cheating etc). I know with time all becomes ok. But I feel like its getting worse right now. I know if he wants me back its up to him. I just feel completely helpless. I wish I could so something to find out if he is suffering just like me or if he is just going on with life.
Buttercup84 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hi Hun I am sorry you are feeling like this , believe me I feel the same. I go out with friends but feel worse and just miss him more. When I was with my ex , I realized we had issues , I blamed myself mostly and he did too. I went to the dr. to get anti depressants. I also signed up to see a professional to help me with my selfesteem. But despite having major issues to work on within myself , I did not leave him. I fought for him , but he didn't fight with me. It was all one sided.He said he was trying but he was just pulling away. Sometimes people just want to let us down in the nicest way possible.Letting someone go is one of the hardest things in life we have to face. A Dr told me to think of it as barbed wire : you hold onto it tightly , and bit by bit let it go. Hold it tightly , then slowly release it again.But you will still have scars from it and wounds , but they will heal one day. If that makes sense ! it is really hard and I am dishing out advice which I should learn to take myself. Please remain NC as hard as it is. If he really wants to make it work he will move mountains to have you back. I hope for you that everything turns out to be Ok.And it will , no matter what the outcome is , you will see that one day. All the best xxx
danceallday Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Right there with you WW. I think you are doing great with the nc. Your break up sounds so much more civilized then mine. We came in with flames and went out the same way. Stay strong and be well.
Nohbody Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Eventually you will. It won't be something you want to do, and when you get there you will probably feel resigned to it. But it will happen. Eventually, the reality will set in and you will accept it with a sigh. Then you'll lie to everyone and tell them you're happy to be done with her
Author WindWhisperer Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Thanx for the replies. I know eventually ill accept it and move onm.. Eventually. Just really sucks right now. Just sucks he threw it away... Or that he hasn't contacted me. Just taking it day by day.
Nohbody Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 *him. not her. I shouldn't type when I'm very tired.
mtd4249 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 WindWhisperer - sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. I can empathize with everything you are feeling right now ... it was only a matter of months ago that I felt the same way after losing my partner and best friend. It seems like we know all the good advice and that things will get better with time ... but that doesn't help us in the here and now! I have been receiving emails (for free) emails from relationship counsellors that give good advice on how to get through the hardest times. I found them to be helpful to read on those days when it seemed like things would never get better. I'd be happy to share them with you. Hope you feel better soon.
Author WindWhisperer Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 thank you i really appreciate the replies and any help will be awesome!
mtd4249 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I'm happy to forward the emails to you ... feel free to email me on [email protected] and I can send them on. Take care.
Lady_Chiara Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 I know how you feel. People keep telling me to go out and enjoy myself but when I went out last week, I came home in tears. I miss him most when I'm happy. Like you, I feel as if my boyfriend just threw our relationship away. And then he managed to switch off his feelings as well. He appears to have moved on but I am still struggling. Part of me still wishes he'll come back, even though I know he never will. I understand about struggling with it all. It is still early days and it is understandable that you are still trying to get your head around everything. I am three months down the line and still in a lot of pain. I have been heartbroken before, when I was younger and the pain did heal. I even forgot the guy's name until recently! You need to heal and you will, just as I will. You won't always feel like this. Just remember that pretty much everyone has been through it and we understand.
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 WIND- its ok! Calm down, relax, breathe! Its hard, but it will get better. stop focusing on what you lost and start seeing what you have left!!! you are worth so much more than you believe you are! lady-i agree. i feel like he just threw me away like a piece of trash and he is all happy, but i read some where that, not always, but a lot of times it isnt as it appears to be, they are hurting, but their emotions are displaced in someone else so it is easier for them to let it go, but once the honeymoon ends, reality hits them and usually or rather i say hopefully, we are healed up enough that we have already moved on even IF they do decide to try to contact us. them recognizing they made a mistake or not, shouldnt be relevant, (although for the dumpee it usually is) because we just need to make ourselves happy again, i know i do. i am struggling with ya, just know that! i just KNOW we all deserve better, i wish i FELT it though.
M2155 Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Wow! I am a recent dumpee and I agree. Friends just do NOT get how sometimes going out just makes you feel more lonely It doesn't even matter how much of a dirtbag he was. I don't know how long I'm going to hang on to hope in the back of my mind that he comes back or at least tells me he's sorry or freakin anything so we don't leave it with such a bad last experience. People get divorced after being married for years and years and seem to get over it so I know we will too. But damn if it's not hard to feel that way right now. I've been keeping a journal and as soon as I think I'm ok, a memory knocks me 3 steps back.
reimeivn Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 sometimes friends are just not your friends anymore. it hurts when you try to have fun and to be happy. so dont try to hard. just try to be fine and not be around too much friends.
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