nickerst Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 So this last summer my girlfriend decided to reconnect with some old high school friends. One in particular she started seeing pretty regularly. After a month or so he started sending her really flirty text messages, but my girlfriend refused to believe he was hitting on her. Finally after discussing how important it was to me (several times) and how uncomfortable it was making me, she had a talk with him and told him that it was inappropriate. He apologized and told her he has a crush on her, and is aware she has a boyfriend and would try to not do it anymore. (By the way he and I were friends in high school too, and we have seen each other since this incident) So we moved back to college a week or two ago and her friend will not leave her alone, he texts her incessantly and practically begs her to come see him, and makes her feel guilty if she can't. He is so desperate he takes days off work so he can come up to see her. He's getting more and more clingy everyday, and he almost seems like a stalker. But once again she refuses to believe that he's being inappropriate. I am afraid to tell her how I feel because she always gets mad at me and tells me I'm being irrational. I totally trust her, that's not the issue. I don't trust him, and I don't want him treating my girlfriend the way he does. So what do you guys think? Am I being irrational and obsessing about this too much, or are my concerns legitimate? Any response is more than welcomed; I have no idea what to do...
linwood Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You`re not unreasonable at all. Tell her that she needs to make it perfectly clear to him that his behavior is unacceptable and that if she won`t you will.
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 But once again she refuses to believe that he's being inappropriate. I am afraid to tell her how I feel because she always gets mad at me and tells me I'm being irrational. I totally trust her, that's not the issue. I don't trust him, and I don't want him treating my girlfriend the way he does. So what do you guys think? Am I being irrational and obsessing about this too much, or are my concerns legitimate? Any response is more than welcomed; I have no idea what to do... Take a step back and look at this from another angle. Here's a guy who has a crush on her and she's well aware of it too. She IS getting something out of the friendship. The flirting makes her feel good...to have another guy want her, yet she has no intention of letting "it" happen. Or..She doesn't care that he's becoming too attached to her. Or she is getting attached to him but doesn't realize the damage it's causing in your relationship and what it's doing to you. yes, you trust her, and not him ... let him make all the moves and she'll continue to say no. right? Or deep down are you concerned that one day she'll put herself in a situation where saying NO to him will be hard to resist. Something to think about. Either way, the friendship is too close for comfort. It's bothering you and she isn't seeing this, nor does it seem like she cares much. I hate to say it but she's being selfish and putting herself first, not caring how angry and upset you are. That's not nice and it's just plain wrong. Why is this guys feelings more important than YOURS? Think about this too.
Author nickerst Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Thanks guys! I'm glad to hear I'm not just being crazy. I'll have a talk with her and maybe I can get her to see it from my perspective.
NervisPervis Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Let's look at what we KNOW: 1 - He wants in her pants. Has ZERO interest in being just friends. 2 - She knows he wants in her pants. But, she's a girl. She may not understand that men don't want to be "just friends". She may think that since the misunderstanding was "all cleared up", that it's OK to be friends. She has to know that this little friendship, unfortunately, must end. If she's willing to be friends with someone who only wants sex with her, then she either wants it also or...nothing. I can't IMAGINE hanging out with a girl who wants nothing more than to bang me if I wasn't interested in her. And I'm a guy! If that's ALL she wants? No. You have my permission to give her the "it's either him or me" speech. You don't want a girl that is either keeping her options open or is SO CLUELES of the male mind that this will be an issue a lot in the future.
chucksagent Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Adult men don't want to be friends with women...bottom line. You are probably in college I would estimate? I am a man...I am an attorney...In my downtine here are things I do...I golf...I watch football...I like to eat chicken wings and pizza and cheese fries... Which of these activities are BETTER suited for female friends than make friends??? You always have these girls that "claim" they love football and eating unhealthy but you inevitably wind up with them checking their cell phones cna chit chatting during games and "I need to go on a diet, I have to stop eating this crap, blah blah blah." Don't mistake this...I LOVE women..I honestly do. I truly enjoy spending time with my girlfriends friends and her sister. But I wouldn't PREFER that over the abovementioned activities with my guy friends. Nothing beats spending time with your boys, you and I both know that. Any guy CHOOSING to spend time with a girl over his guys either has NO FRIENDS or is only hanging with her trying to get some action. She should be insulted by this harsh reality and respect your feelings above his...for obvious reasons - first, you're her boyfriend, second, the guy doesn't even really want to be friends. The only tragedy in this entire thing is that women GENUINELY want to be ONLY friends with guys a LOT of the time. Most of the time its true on their behalf and NOTHING will ever happen. But you throw stuff in like alcohol and I don't trust ANYBODY when alcohol is involved. Just not a situation people need to get into as you get older. You're busy enough in the real world that you don't get to see you CLOSE/SAME SEX friends as often as you'd like - much less some opposite sex creeper who doesn't respect you or the people you love. Sidebar: I know there exceptions to the rule that SOME women actually watch the game and eat foot without worry of weight gain - but I am just dealing in the majority.
ronald2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You have all the right to act like that. You are not being irrational. But you are right, you need to trust your GF. You need to talk to her and tell her it bothers you too much. If she cares for you, she would do something to make you feel at ease.
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