36D Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hi all, i'm new here and i just wanted an opinion on my situation. she wanted a "break" and its been a few days. No contact since then. I met her at college and worked in the city that she lives in and been with her for 3 months (2 months realistically) and everything was going great the first 2 months. No arguments, everything was fun, and I was loving life. We only had one complication, and it was that parents didn't approve, so she had to sneak around alot, and I lived 40 mins away from her. So we would see each other by taking the train, seeing each other after i finished working for a few hours and going home and talking on the phone. Then she had to go on a family vacation back to her country in europe and she was going to be gone for a MONTH . She told me this when we first started going out but the trip wasn't until later.. but when later came and she was gone. It was tough dealing. The first week she was gone I couldn't stop thinking about her. she didn't have a phone or nothing, but we did talk online a few times. Exchanging IM's saying we miss each other etc. but most of the month it was barely any contact at all. When she came back home it was different.. She called me a few days after she arrived in America. I was excited to speak to her and ask about her vacation, but her tone was like meh like she didn't do anything fun or it was just boring. after some more small talk I told her I wanted to see her and she told me we can see each other in a couple of days . The day before we were going to meet each other, she texted me saying I just saw my work schedule and i'm so busy i'm not gonna have any time and it was going to get only more complicated Basically shes going to be in school full time, working on her days off from school, so she cant find time. This was a piece of our text convo Her: I think we should take a break.. Me: wtf is a break.. Her: Idk! when people stop seeing each other Me: So you don't want me to text or call you anymore? Her: I really don't know. Shes dropping all these hints at me. At this point, everything starts becoming a downward spiral for me. and the day i look forward to seeing her the most, i'm getting depressed and feelings of anxiety. We talk on the phone a bit on breaking up but she postpones it til we see each other tmrw. I go to her city and wait for her at our college, she showed up like 30 minutes late. so we only spoke for 10 minutes which I thought sucked. We basically went over what she said on the phone. But I wanted her to do all the talking and see where her head is at. Just the topic of time came up, because she is so busy. I asked her what does she want to do? See other people, hold it off? and I asked her if she still had feelings for me, b/c being away for so long maybe she just lost interest. I still liked her alot. She told me she still has feelings and that if i wanted to see other ppl it was up to me. I told her it was up to her. she said i dont know. she said she didnt think it was fair to me if i was in this relationship and i didnt see her much or at all. I told her, well okay if you want it (the break). I gave her a hug and I left. its been a few days now of no contact. ____ from just analyzing it, things have goin thru my head like 1. she lost interest because of that long month of no contact 2. shes actually busy and doesnt have time, but really if you like someone alot you would find time and try to put in effort to make it work. Even though i'm busy too. I think talking every night and seeing each other once a week would keep the relationship strong the whole month she was gone maybe she did something bad idk. I've been keeping myself busy with friends and going out and trying not to think about her. but I do want her back. What do you guys think I should do? so far i dont plan on contacting her first.
smudge21 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Let her decide - stay no contact for now. It's impossible for anyone here to tell you what she's thinking, just as it's impossible for you to know. If you feel the need, maybe send her one last text, simply saying that you thought things were good, would've liked to have seen where it could've gone but you respect her decision and will leave her alone. None of that "I'll be here if you need me" nonsense (crikey, how many times have I made that mistake), just clear and to the point. I know how much it can hurt when you think everything is going right all for it to come to an end, but sadly sometimes these things just happen - there's no reason or explanation. It's just life.
just_scott Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 she want's a ''break'' K she's pretty much telling you it's over prepare yourself for the ''it' s over between us talk '' [if their even is one] go out look for someone else
Author 36D Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 thanks smudge, i will send her a text in a few days. to me, i feel like if i push i can get her back, like i convinced her to do more difficult things, and this "break" can just be a minor setback. I hope we can make up and make our relationship amazing again. Thx
smudge21 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Post your text here first... be good to run through it as you don't want to make any obvious mistakes. This text may be the last one you ever send her.
Author 36D Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I already texted her earlier, and took your advice smudge. and it helped ALOT "If you feel the need, maybe send her one last text, simply saying that you thought things were good, would've liked to have seen where it could've gone but you respect her decision and will leave her alone. " i texted her in the morning, saying a greeting and basically what you said, and i hope she has a good day. then she replied back saying it means alot to her and wished me a good day too so i feel like im still in the game. this is starting to make me feel a lil bit better now, now i'll wait a lil bit and send her something next week or something idk yet
smudge21 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 No, you need to leave it now. I reckon she's got used to your contact and will expect you to keep in touch, so now you don't. You show her you respect her wishes and back off. Keeping in contact, even if it is only weekly, is still being there - why should she ever change the way she is with you or make any effort if you're always around? See how you feel in two weeks - consider this like a short holiday without any means of contact. See how things are and how you feel.
Author 36D Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Yeah, its done. we had a talk and i asked her if she wanted to be with me . Didn't get the answer i wanted to hear
Chi townD Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Two big red flags for me. taking a break= breaking up. Taking a break means that she wants to run around and leave you on the sidelines and waiting for her to come back. Not fair to you. It's okay if you start seeing other people= I already had on my vacation. I'm sorry, but if I was completely in love with a girl, there's absolutely no way I would suggest she see other people. So, in my opinion, she suggested that to ease her own guilt for running around on you. If she wants to break up or "take a break" then give it to her. No texts, no phonecalls, no e-mails and de-friend on facebook. She chose to have you out of her life, so give her EXACTLY that. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you. And you need to heal and move on. And don't fall for the "let's be friends" crap. She either gets 100% of you or nothing.
Author 36D Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Thanks, but its done now. Transitioning to the moving on stage, which is kinda hard right now but i know with help of friends i'll be back on my feet in no time. This was a great learning experience for me. I know i'm a good guy and i deserve a good girl/relationship. So its definately a learning experience, everyones advice here helped a bit. i'll summarize everything in a nutshell. Everything is going great..then she goes away for vacation. Comes back, acting like a different person. Wanting a break,(redflag) and NC for a few days. I called and said whats on my mind, and wanted to know if she wanted to be with me or not and see where her minds at too. Just goin back n forth for awhile, then realizing her feelings arent there anymore and shes not willing to put in anymore effort (redflag again). So i'm moving on, because its not worth it. I'll go NC for awhile from her until i'm ok. It was great while it lasted, no hard feelings, time will do the healing. Thanks everyone how can i delete this thread?
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