kgal Posted May 3, 2004 Posted May 3, 2004 Well... lately, I've really missed my ex. I saw him last week for a while... we tried just hangin out as "friends" but when it was time to leave... we couldn't let go. It was hard and it didn't really help my healing process... instead ... made me remember how much I love him and want him in my life. The thing is... is that I feel it's totally one-sided...and it hurts because he gets angry if I can't accept the fact that we can only just be friends. I think I didn't allow myself time...to heal well enough...to the point at least...where I could accept that friendship, you know.. I'd always have those thoughts of .."Well..maybe...maybe...possibly..." I just don't understand why something that felt so right to me and my heart...I just don't get stuff right now...and I needed to really just vent. Haha. He tells me that we HAVE to accept our fates... and if we don't "agree" on friendship...we won't be able to have one another in our lives. I want him in my life...but it kills me...that I can't love him the way I used to. It hurts even worse when he says stuff like, "I think we were meant to be friends rather than lovers all along.." When I hear that...I just can't believe it...it's like, "How can you tell me this??? After all we've been through together???" It's like I'm having a hard time getting past the acceptance and its just hard for me. I even had to quit my job...because with that work..and this...and a few other things bothering me...it was getting way too stressful...and I felt I had to eliminate any stress that wasn't helping me to heal. I am leaving town here in a few weeks...so I hope that will help and do me some good. If I don't see my ex...or talk to him often...I'm fine. It's just that meeting up last week really did something...made me miss him terribly. And for anyone wondering why in the world we broke up....it was because his family is Muslim...and mine is not. I am a Christian...and no, I will not ever convert to being a Muslim. With that said... I know there is no way (only unless he would convert or consider telling his folks about me) would we be able to be together. Sometimes I don't know...if he even knows the meaning of love. I'm just very sad...and I miss him.
bluechocolate Posted May 3, 2004 Posted May 3, 2004 Lots of venting going on today - must be Monday ! Why does he get angry with you for not accepting that you can be just friends? As you said, you both have to "agree" to be friends. I'm a firm believer in no-contact after a break up If I don't see my ex...or talk to him often...I'm fine and that is why. Maybe one day when you feel that you've gotten over this ( and you will ) then you could try being friends. Then again maybe when that day comes you'll discover that you don't need or even want his friendship. I hope you feel better soon.
Author kgal Posted May 3, 2004 Author Posted May 3, 2004 Well... what I'm trying to do right now is just give myself the time I need to heal. I know I want to be friends still... but I need to take time for myself... and really venture out and know that I can be okay on my own. TY for your reply!
genie Posted May 3, 2004 Posted May 3, 2004 Do what helps YOU get through the day, it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels. I wish I could do the no contact thing, but I start having anxiety attacks and then I feel panicky. I usually will call him during those attacks and get my fix. The only problem with that is I'm also giving him his fix and he isn't having to miss me or feel threatened that he is losing me. My advice is don't do what I do, if you can stay away then do so.
Author kgal Posted May 3, 2004 Author Posted May 3, 2004 Yea...that's how I feel sometimes when I think of him NOT being in my life... I get all worried and it tears me up. I told him that I'd rather be friends than nothing at all. But I do agree that I need time to heal ...especially if I want to make the friendship work someday. I have to take time from him...even though it will be hard.. I know it's something I must do... and I must keep my distance while I'm still very much in love w/him. I just hope that if he's the one he comes to his senses....and I pray that all the time. But...if he's not...than I pray the one does come soon. Maybe I just have to reach down deep and find my inner strength..I know it's there.. I guess I've just been scared to search for it.
shellen Posted May 3, 2004 Posted May 3, 2004 hmmm...i jus came back from a holiday.... and have not contacted my ex in about two weeks because he went for a holiday too and i left before he returned... but i still think of him and miss him even when on holiday.... hmmm...so much for a holiday to take my mind off him i did not inform him of me going away tho he did inform me on the day he was leaving.... he just left me two msges during the time i was away asking where i was..dats all .... wondering if i should just leave things as such but i did buy a gift for him from my trip, but i dunno if i'll give it to him.... kgal...enjoy ur holiday..have fun
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