cant take anymore of this

[Dblock10]

kill me now.

 

everything is adding up. to the point where i want to run away. My nan is ill and its causing huge family stress.

 

my ex iv'e not heard from in 2 weeks and i really just need to have her in my life to talk to and she isnt there.

 

i can accept this is what my life has come to now.

 

i cant handle that she's just gone completely cold on me.

[Nohbody]

You have to take it. You have no choice. This is good suffering, use it.

[Dblock10]

in what sense? i haven't felt this alone for a long time. i spent the day with a couple friends and some other random's. still feel lost. and have her on my mind all the time.

 

then come home to find out bad news about family issues. this stress is more than i can deal with. really is.

 

most likely going to contact her, have no idea how or what thats going to make me feel.

 

she didnt lie or cheat on me, so shouldnt be an issue with speaking to her.. just dont get why the cold shoulder

Edited August 20, 2011 by Dblock10

[Nohbody]

In the sense that it doesn't matter how much you want bad things in your life to go away, they won't. If you want to contact your ex, go ahead. If it doesn't miraculously make your life better, don't be surprised. If it does... well... wouldn't that be something?

[Dblock10]

yeah i'm gonna speak to my dad about it or something. the other problem is i cant talk to my mum about it because it would seem selfish of me, given the condition on my nan. so ive been bottling up how i feel around my family.

 

i cant see how it would *** me up more, unless shes seeing someone new or doesnt get back to me..

 

little head case i am atm

[Nohbody]

I just wouldn't be surprised if she didn't respond at all.

 

Have you considered seeking some kind of counseling? Even churches provide that kind of thing for no charge.

 

And feel free to vent here as much as you need to, of course.

[Dblock10]

yeah they do but it wouldn't help. i don't need counselling. done that before with my first ex. didn't work.

 

i need to figure out how to move forward with my life. without her in it.

 

i feel like maybe if i did communicate with her and if she didnt respond then i would just delete her off my fb. del pics of her in my phone. and then just carry on with my life.

 

i wouldnt want that to happen. but not hearing from her is hard as this is what it feels like to me now. i dont know what she's up to i just know she works a lot.

 

either way i dont really know what to do anymore.

[smudge21]

Please don't go making contact or looking for info - listen to someone right who can tell you how much that hurts. Remove as much chance to contact as you possibly can. I know that's hard, almost impossible, but if you ever hope to heal you have to remove the thing that is causing you pain.

 

You're not alone in feeling lost and unsure what to do. I'm currently on here posting trying to block out a memory of my ex that just entered my mind, and with every memory that comes in is the fact that she's gone.

 

I know it's bad, but fight through it. Stay strong.

[Dblock10]

didn't contact her. do you know why?

 

on reflection. why should i?..

 

she didn't want to stay together on her travels or want to make it work even when i put myself on the line, explained why i said what i said, told her i didn't want it to come between us told her i was only unsure about it not working due to my insecurities and bad thoughts. that i was looking for reassurance and was worried she wouldn't want to commit to me for the 6 months. and based on the fact she kept telling me she hadnt thought about it, didnt fill me with much hope. plus when mentioning going out to see her at x mass in aus, still didnt strike any "aww yeh that would be amazing"

 

it was just... oh, but you prob wouldnt be able to get the money. even when i mentioned air miles she sounded not bothered...

 

she placed the travelling above me, she placed not knowing what she was doing when she is back, and so didn't want to "have" to be tied to my area when she's back, so placed what ever else she may be doing when back above me.

 

i drove to see her on "her" day off as it was obviously convenient to her, if i hadnt, i would have never of seen her once before she goes. that would be 3 months that i wouldnt have seen her. making it a total of 9 months that i wouldnt see her, assuming i even got the chance to once shes back.

 

she didnt do anything for me on my birthday and the lead up to my birthday i hadnt heard from her for a couple days then i get a txt saying "whats your address" ( yeah cause thats nice.. ) when i said you didnt even say hey or ask about me, she said she was in a rush when she txt me it and didnt think it mattered..

 

all i got was a small card. telling me how she was sorry she couldnt see me and promised to make it up to me.

 

she didnt book days off for us to do something in the near future. just talked about it and didn't plan anything.

 

she told me she couldn't get time off work, or her hours would be reduced and she needs all the money she can get.

 

i was told, its not just me "on at her" to see her, she's told the same thing to family and friends that she cant get time off work..

 

yet she booked off various weekends and days for her guy mate and other girl friends birthdays when i spoke to her on the phone 4 days before this "day off" once in a blue moon opportunity to see her.

 

the build up to that meeting when i saw her was piss poor from her. i was like, "do you want to see me on your day off so we can do something together".

 

her: "its up to you, if you want to. i'll prob be working monday though."

 

me: yeah i do if you'd like to, i'll be in the area anyway so makes sense. would be nice to see you.

 

got no txt back...

 

 

and since the day (two weeks as of now on this day) i have not heard from her at all.

 

its funny how you think someone would never be like that, but turns out i was wrong. i didn't want to believe she wasn't into me the way i was into her, even though i told her on the phone i was falling for her and she told me she really likes me.

 

i was hoping for that fairy tale ending. but all along she wasn't bothered about the relationship. which is clearly made evident by not hearing a word after i saw her.

 

so i'm letting her go. let her do what she likes. she doesnt want to make time for me and never did so f*** her. f*** off. do what you like.

 

you cant be with someone that acts this way.

 

all it was, was comfort to her having me around at a hard time (her finishing exams). she enjoyed that i am a nice caring attractive guy, she enjoyed the regular sex, she enjoyed the company when it suited her.

 

soon as she moved back home, realised she wasnt returning to where i am now, she bolted and started phasing me out of her life.

 

 

if she wants to talk to me. she will.

 

if someone wants to be with you. they will.

 

if she comes back, it will be because she wants to.

 

if i let her back in to my life, its because i want to.

 

she was a very smart very attractive girl in my eyes, i fell for her, i'm paying the price of falling for someone who wasnt going to be there for me, someone who didn't really care about "my feelings" just cared and prioritised everything else and friends in her life.

 

im better off out of it. she wants to make good quality time for her guy mate and not me. fine. f*** off then, not my problem anymore. im not some kind of dick head that lets someone keep putting this guy above me or at least prioritises him.

 

she says they are just best mates and he is like a brother. but during our whole relationship, she bought just him and her tickets to a theatre for his birthday ( more than what she did for me ), she spent days with just him as she " wouldnt get to see him for ages once she goes travelling. she went to a zoo just him and her, again for the same reason.

she went out on a night out, stayed at his and when asking her where did u sleep then, she said in "a's" bed. in her room there was a photo frame he had bought her with a pic of her and him in it.

on face book when ever they went out, there was photo's of her and him touching and him kissing her on the cheek or visa versa

 

and no i am 90% sure she wasnt cheating, as she was open about it all and how they are just really close mates and he is like a bro to her. its just how can you be someones bf when they do this sort of thing all the time.

Edited August 21, 2011 by Dblock10

[lovesickmonkey]

Yep. It sounds like you have all the answers. It sucks but a lot of times the love you give ain't equal to the love you get.

[D-Lish]

I think most of us have met people and embraced the notion that they are someone they are not. That's how people get placed on a pedestal. When they turn cold, or start displaying behaviour that is foreign to us, it's a shock to the system.

 

We're all complex and capable of being loving and aloof. Just because someone turns cold on us, dumps us, or stops caring as much for us as we do for them does not negate what we once had with the person. The circumstances have simply changed for that person for whatever reason, and if the romantic connection is lost on their end, they really have no choice but to become distant from us.

 

It sucks, but I have been on the other side of the coin, where my feelings have changed and I've had to let someone go. Once you decide to let someone go, you have to take a cold stance.

 

I'm trying to reason with myself that I had a few wonderful months with my ex, and during the last few he began to lose interest. Now it's over because he doesn't feel the same way as he once did. Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow.

[coolheadal]

We just need to find someone who wants to be with us and care about doing things together. That's how it should be! I thought that was what it was with what I had, it wasn't the case with her. Today she calls me or text me up. Today was the first time I didn't answer her text.

 

I see no point in doing so again. This is what she wanted and what she wanted was selfish and cause me to loose everything I wanted in life. But now I have to start all over again. Shop on my own go out on my own do things on my own. I have my pet dog with me but still missing that one you want in your life is tough call. I need someone who wants me but someone I can really trust again.

 

Don't call it quits on your life you have something most fight to have. Being a live and well. There are times we loose someone we care for due too things that are beyond our control. Relationships are the hardness part of life to live with. It takes two to make it work. Just not the one to make it connect. This life now is so different than I had pictured.

[lovesickmonkey]

Yep. I'm having a rough night myself. I used to enjoy being alone but this alone is not the same and it is not fun. Like D-Lish said, I've been on the other side of the equation. It's not as painful but, on the other hand, you are missing the intense "in love" feeling that your partner has. Anyway, Saturday night alone, searching for people on Facebook and checking e-mail 30 times, is a misery I can't wait to see end.

[smudge21]

"if i let her back in to my life, its because i want to." - I like this line, reminds me of an ex from a few years back that really hurt me. We parted ways and it took me a long time to move on, she turned into someone I didn't like, but the hieght of the pedestal I'd put her on, stopped me seeing this.

 

Anyway, year later we bump into each other and get chatting, quick coffee and it was nice to catch up. At the end she asks to exchange numbers and I say "no thanks, but nice to see you one last time." - I walked away and left her. The pedestal had been knocked down, the feelings gone, the memories still there but not like before. I can remember loving her but can't remember feeling that way. I just no longer cared.

 

I'm not a cruel harsh person and don't hold grudges, but that felt good.

[Dblock10]

yeah i get what you say by the other side of the coin. I don't believe she went off me, or maybe i don't want to believe she didn't. :S

i think she knew it was coming to an end so started to emotionally disconnect herself as to not get hurt when it did. which would explain a lot of her behaviour towards the end.

 

such as, accusing me of cheating on her on a night out when i was at the same event..

 

not wanting to have sex with me when we went to a festival, because people might hear us..

 

i think she began to want or/see me as a friend whom she had sex with now and again. she was never into having a bf. Dot think she ever wanted that.

 

it was me who initiated making it fb official or she would have been happy to keep it going as a casual thing. even though she did keep it as a casual thing the whole time. not caring about if i went on a night out with the lads. encouraged me to go out..

 

yeah she did get jealous a few times, when there was other girls interested in me. but this is only natural. its not because she was in love with me.

 

even when i removed the re status on fb, as the night before we had a phone convo and when i said to her, i really want you to go and enjoy the travelling and would like to see you when you are back and you could show me photos etc, she said "could do" in a very cba sort of way.

 

so next day i called her and told her how she doesnt seem to care about this whole situation very much and ive had a rough time thinking about it all day so i told her i woke up feeling like crap after that phone convo and so removed the fb status, she was like "oh did you?" i haven't been on there so haven't seen it yet" me: "yeah i did it because it seemed like you didn't care about me... her: silence.: me"so you have nothing to say about it" her" no not really, there isn't much to say, i just hadn't been on"

 

yeah we will all get to that no longer caring stage. its just time. it just takes time.

 

for me now, when i reflect on what i posted before this (above) it makes me realise how nice i was being to her, i was too good to her. given the situation.

 

i guess i can take comfort in knowing that the last time i saw her was nice. i looked good, went for a nice walk, took her to dinner, went to watch a film, stayed the night and said good bye in the morning.

 

but she was emotionally cold at night, thus nothing happened and didn't kiss or anything.

 

its fine though, i can understand why. it would make it harder.

 

but yeah, people change, there is nothing you can do about it. this girl is 21, still young, has just finished university and is going on an adventure of a lifetime with her best friend.

 

she would have forgotten about me if we had stayed together, she would have eventually felt that i was holding her back in some way, even if not in the respect that she will be meeting new guys.

 

its best it ended before she went. or i'd be hanging on to someone that might change there mind about me, or we end up arguing and properly falling out. thus wasting time on my behalf to be going out having a good time, and equally ruin her time travelling which she has been looking forward to for years.

Edited August 21, 2011 by Dblock10

[AcaciaStrain]

Tell me about it. Everytime i'm having a good time in town i get a text off my ex who's drunk saying I love you. Destroys my healing everytime, can't cope anymore.

[Dblock10]

block there number.

 

i never got told by my ex that she loves me. only when she was out once and drunk txt me it. she also told me how she txt her guy mate like a thousand times saying the same thing.

 

was also going to add, i do have some regrets during the relationship and my actions. but you cant change the way you feel in a given situation. so cant be hard on myself. it takes two to tango as they say.

 

all i know is i'm not going to get over her very easily. even though throughout the relationship she could have treated me better.

she would always put friend above me.

 

like when i wanted her to come see me, she had made plans to see her guy mate (the one i mention) and so i was like ok, what are you doing then, she said nothing just sitting in his garden together reading books, eating...

 

for me, if i had planned to see a mate and thats all i would be doing, i would go and see my gf and know that my friend would understand.

 

 

it seems like i did have a fair few arguments with her. but they stemmed from her not paying me enough attention or time. so naturally would make me angry or fell unwanted. which no one likes feeling

Edited August 21, 2011 by Dblock10