What is he doing??

[2blind2see]

On the night of my birthday back in May I ran into a old friend who I have known for about 6 years, we hooked up that night and I assumed it was just a crazy night between 2 friends and nothing more. He text that day and from that moment on we spent all of our time together, even going away together on weekends and he spent most nights here even leaving a toothbrush at my place. The only problem was his ex. She wouldn't stop texting and calling, she had cheated on him twice and according to him was nuts. He was always upfront with me about her calls and texts and said it was over.

Last month he told me that he still had feelings for her and that she was the only girl he's ever loved and that he had to talk with her and figure things out. I told him I wouldn't wait for him and wished him luck. He apologized repeatedly through text that he cared about me and had feelings for me and didn't want to hurt me but had to see what would happen with her. So I went NC with him for 3 weeks even though he continued to drive by my work and house all the time. After 3 weeks I text and said hey and he text right back saying he was ok and seeing things clearer.

We had a friendly chat and agreed to meet up the next night to catch up. Well he called a few hrs later saying he was in my neighborhood could he come over. He came over and told me that the ex had beaten him up for going out with his friends ( psycho I know) and that the whole time he'd been with me and she was trying to get him back she'd been with someone else. He said he hates her and wants nothing to do with her. So we hung out awhile that night and the next night, it was casual and comfortable and good to talk with him again and he was being very flirtatious. But then I didn't hear from him for a few days.

Confusing to say the least when he seemed so eager to talk before. The day of his bday I text and wished him happy birthday, he answered right away and we chatted a bit he said he was sorry we hadn't talked he'd just been busy. That night he text to see what I was doing and he and a mutual friend came over. We had both been drinking and one thing led to another and we slept together...yes stupid I know. We text a little bit after that but then I went a few more days without a word. So I took a chance and told him one night that I missed the way things used to be with us and he said that he did too. Then he text me again one night when he was drinking and we met up and he ended up staying the night with me... and it's weird whenever we are together he talks about things that we used to do or brings up private jokes that we had shared. The next night he text to hang out I said sure, he came over and we watched tv but there was no touching or kissing and I'm wondering if that's just something we do now when we're drunk or if he's just trying to take things slow??

I'm sorry this is so long I am just so confused by his mixed signals. The last time we were together he told me he and the ex had never got "back together" and had not slept together and that he was sorry he had never meant to hurt me and never wanted to be unfair to me.

What does this guy want!! I don't ask him because he is not one to talk about feelings it's like pulling teeth...he seems so happy when we are around each other but then I go days without hearing anything!!

[Nsweet]

It's obvious he isn't sure what he wants between the two of you. On one hand he has safty and comfort because he knows he can always have you, but on the other his emotional state has him craving the ex he knows he can't have. The same exact circumstance his crazy ex was in while he was with you! You're always going to want what you can't have while not truely appreciating what is already yours.

 

Every time you sleep with him on his terms you voluntarily give up control over yourself and allow him to walk all over you. Just look at the days of NC between you two now and when you were first together. I think by now it is obvious what you must do, as you have done it before but with a plan. You simply must not contact him until he is willing to share some of his power and show you he has matured. Then and only then can you deside to talk to him on your terms. This time takin it slow and without confrontation or bring up his ex, which will only push him away. By all means feel free to with hold sex as you see fit. We guys hate that one butbit really does make us appreciate you more if we have to deserve it.