analystfromhell Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Just saw this morning, quite good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4zD7btjlMo&feature=related
jnj express Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Watched the video----what he said, makes very good sense, cept i don't agree in not telling about the ONS
woinlove Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I agree with jnl, sensible view in general, but don't agree on hiding ONS. If you are making your spouse believe you are monogamous, they have a right to know if that is not true, even just for the health risk - although I think also for the sake of honesty. Monogamy isn't very important to me, but openness and honesty in a life partner is. I wonder how many people fall into the category Savage is talking about - ONS that will never be repeated but is kept hidden. Seems if you were inclined to have one ONS and managed to keep it secret, with no apparent consequences, you might have another at some point. People can change, but it seems that keeping everything secret and not suffering any consequences, might make change somewhat less likely. I also wonder if there isn't a major problem that Savage ignored, which is that some people who cheat still want their spouse to be monogamous. Savage assumes people having secret affairs can approach all this rationally, but if they could do that, they likely would not be living a life of deception and lies.
nyrias Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I agree with jnl, sensible view in general, but don't agree on hiding ONS. If you are making your spouse believe you are monogamous, they have a right to know if that is not true, even just for the health risk - although I think also for the sake of honesty. Monogamy isn't very important to me, but openness and honesty in a life partner is. I wonder how many people fall into the category Savage is talking about - ONS that will never be repeated but is kept hidden. Seems if you were inclined to have one ONS and managed to keep it secret, with no apparent consequences, you might have another at some point. People can change, but it seems that keeping everything secret and not suffering any consequences, might make change somewhat less likely. I also wonder if there isn't a major problem that Savage ignored, which is that some people who cheat still want their spouse to be monogamous. Savage assumes people having secret affairs can approach all this rationally, but if they could do that, they likely would not be living a life of deception and lies. What about a short-lived EA? That has no chance of STD. I just don't believe there are that many truly honest people out there (oh, and please spare me the "i am one and can't understand why no one else is" post). Many who are not cheating are afraid of the consequences. A safe, ONS that guaranteed no consequence (i.e. guaranteed would not be discovered) is going to be hard to resist for many. In fact, that is why boundaries are said to be important. If the desire is not there, you do NOT need boundaries.
rafallus Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Many who are not cheating are afraid of the consequences. A safe, ONS that guaranteed no consequence (i.e. guaranteed would not be discovered) is going to be hard to resist for many. No such thing. You may never know if you happen to be seen with another person by mutual friend. You may never know if partner gets suspicious for whatever reason, you overestimate your acting abilites, make one slip, that will be noticed, investigated and whole thing goes to hell. You never know if you'll get guilty conscience afterwards and you will spill your guts on your own. No such thing as guarantees.
nyrias Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 No such thing. You may never know if you happen to be seen with another person by mutual friend. You may never know if partner gets suspicious for whatever reason, you overestimate your acting abilites, make one slip, that will be noticed, investigated and whole thing goes to hell. You never know if you'll get guilty conscience afterwards and you will spill your guts on your own. No such thing as guarantees. Not my point. My point is not that it is common, but that IF exists, irresistible. In fact, what you said is probably why infidelity is LESS common. People worry about consequences.
Author analystfromhell Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Is that IF you have an affair,no matter how brief, you WILL be found out as it's weighing on your subconscious (unless you have larger problems and don't feel the least built guilty). So, don't evaluate how the affair is going, evaluate what's going to happen WHEN you get found out and ask yourself if it's worth it in that context.
woinlove Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Not my point. My point is not that it is common, but that IF exists, irresistible. In fact, what you said is probably why infidelity is LESS common. People worry about consequences. Irresistible to some, not all. Some people have strong internal guides for behaving ethically and will not cheat - or loot or whatever - even if they know they can get away with it. For others, consequences are needed to control themselves.
rafallus Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Irresistible to some, not all. Some people have strong internal guides for behaving ethically and will not cheat - or loot or whatever - even if they know they can get away with it. For others, consequences are needed to control themselves. Indeed. Even if you are sexually aroused at the time, you can willfully stop it (or rather wait it out not taking action). I've done it, many other people did. Not irresistible at all either. Some are complete slaves to their urges, but such people are not very interesting subjects to me anyway.
reboot Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 Many who are not cheating are afraid of the consequences. A safe, ONS that guaranteed no consequence (i.e. guaranteed would not be discovered) is going to be hard to resist for many. So you're saying that you think most people are so selfish, self-centered, and animalistic that they would have sex with pretty much anyone that offered it to them so long as there was a guarantee they wouldn't get caught, their feelings for their partner and their own internal moral compass be damned. That most people have virtually no control over their base impulses and only through fear of the consequences can they ever hope to contain this desire to rut with anything and everything they come across. Isn't that what you're saying?
Recommended Posts