without Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 a male friend of mine has asked me to be his gf. I know he'll be loving and faithful..but..I don't see myself geting married to such guy..I mean he hasn't gone to university..he doesn't have ANY financial support..his parents are divorced..we have very different family uprising.. Should i feel guilty about saying no?should i say yes?what do u think?
Finch Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Are you attracted to him? Do you have romantic feelings towards him? Getting into a relationship with someone simply because you know they will be loving and faithful will not work long term - it needs to be based on more than a one-sided desire. It sounds as though you have different goals and different ideas of what is important in life - you value education, financial security (as much as that can be achieved), and certain family values which he doesn't share. He is better off finding someone who can love and accept him as he is, and you would probably be happier paired with someone who shares goals that are more compatible with yours. You do not need to feel guilty, but you should be kind when declining his offer.
Author without Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Are you attracted to him? Do you have romantic feelings towards him? Getting into a relationship with someone simply because you know they will be loving and faithful will not work long term - it needs to be based on more than a one-sided desire. It sounds as though you have different goals and different ideas of what is important in life - you value education, financial security (as much as that can be achieved), and certain family values which he doesn't share. He is better off finding someone who can love and accept him as he is, and you would probably be happier paired with someone who shares goals that are more compatible with yours. You do not need to feel guilty, but you should be kind when declining his offer. I like him,I feel good around him..but I don't love him..I'm still not sure what to do..
Pierre Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I like him,I feel good around him..but I don't love him..I'm still not sure what to do.. You don't love him and he comes from a suboptimal socio-economic and educational background. AND YOU ARE CONSIDERING HIM?????????????????????????????????????? What am I missing here? Are you so insecure that your requirement for external validation overrides the above?
Author without Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 You don't love him and he comes from a suboptimal socio-economic and educational background. AND YOU ARE CONSIDERING HIM?????????????????????????????????????? What am I missing here? Are you so insecure that your requirement for external validation overrides the above? you're right....:|...seriously what was i thinking? THANK YOU.
Pierre Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 you're right....:|...seriously what was i thinking? THANK YOU. Even if you loved him: A few years from now the difference in education, social, status, and economics would become a thorn. This is not about being a snob of class conscious. But, quite often marked differences in the above criteria create severe problems.
Author without Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Even if you loved him: A few years from now the difference in education, social, status, and economics would become a thorn. This is not about being a snob of class conscious. But, quite often marked differences in the above criteria create severe problems. i see,thanks for your help so much...I said no to him..
orion1010 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You don't love him and he comes from a suboptimal socio-economic and educational background. AND YOU ARE CONSIDERING HIM?????????????????????????????????????? What am I missing here? Are you so insecure that your requirement for external validation overrides the above? She sould concider him if she sees potential for love with him. Just b/c he does not have a formal education does not mean he is not movtivated to build his own life from the ground up. For example, my ex and I were the same. I have an education and he didn't. he was a roofer. After 3.5 years together, with my connections, I was able to get him into a job making 50,000 a year in a paper company and he was motived and ran with it. now he's financially stable, responsible and very motivated. Our family backgrounds were also very different but we were a great match. If she does not feel that she has that bond or chemistry that could bring love into the relationship, then she should move on. money is money. it will come and go throughout your life no matter how educated someone is.
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