skyman87 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hi everyone. I broke up with my first love and only girlfriend about 5 months ago. We were very close, and saw each other whenever possible. We were together for about 15 months. Her leaving me was one of the hardest things ever. It was at a financially stressing time for me, and was becoming physically ill. I was actually diagnosed with shingles a few days after our breakup (and I'm only 24). I got through it somehow (or so I thought). We reestablished communication within a month or so of the breakup. We kept it to e-mails that were short and such. However, the months went on, and our e-mails became more and more detailed. I stumbled upon her Facebook page the other day (I never deleted it) and saw she just got a new boyfriend. By all means, she has every right to do so. I realized though that I had not fully let her go. I became furious and jealous. I've been crying and everything. She managed to continue on, but I hadn't. Of course, I know the relationship was probably over for her months before the breakup. I see with more certainty now why she broke up with me. I was new to dating, and was still learning about love. She needed someone with more experience in life. So, I started by finally deleting a massive archive of e-mails between us over almost the last two years. I then removed her from Facebook. Because we played 'Words with Friends' all the time and sent emails every couple of days and such, including articles we wanted to share, I felt I had to inform her of my decision. It would be more polite than simply not saying anything. I just sent out an email briefly explaining myself. I told her I can't maintain a friendship with her until I know I'm over her. I said maybe I'll try to reconnect in the future, but only time will tell. I finally had the strength to do this. It's given me horrible anxiety, like I have electricity running through me. This woman had been my best and closest friend. I now have to find someone else. I feel so empty and alone. I miss how close we were. I don't know who I can turn to now, except maybe focusing on my other friendships. I miss intimacy, and holding a woman close. Although my brain knows this isn't true, my heart feels like I'll never be happy again. I'm afraid to let her memories become memories. Everyday I see something that makes we think of her. I had become dependent on her for counsel and comfort. What can I do to move on? Where can I find something to replace some of these needs in the meantime? Thanks.
Buttercup84 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hi First , I am so sorry you are experiencing this.But you are not alone ! I just lost my first love too and I believe it is the hardest to over come. Then they find someone else so soon ? it makes you wonder what we meant to them if they can just move on. I know what you mean with the memories , it is just so hard. Everything reminds you of her and there are times when you are Ok then one stupid thing brings it all back. I wish I could help but I am the same as you , heart is telling me Ill never be happy. I know it will be Ok one day but the getting through it part is such a bitch and the worst pain. Everyone says NC helps , it is really hard to get through but I will try it. Hope you can too , plus you can always come on here and chat with everyone. All the best.
Peagle87 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 holy **** dude. apart from my relationship being 11 months and me almost being 24 our stories are kinna similar. thats scary including the shingles altho i got it in the form of ramsay hunt syndrome which paralyzed my face for some time. damn. iuno man im kinna in the same boat. read my posts. i just took up mma and train with a ufc fighter to get my anger out lol
TheDovic Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Man it hurts so bad! I've been off work for the past month after having a nervous breakdown cos of this **** and am so sick of feeling sad and waiting for her to call so I can get any wee pang of hope. She just text me and I'm not even gonna reply cos honestly, I'm seriously fed up with all this ****! Hopefully you'll get this feeling eventually too buddy. Good luck ps, apologies for the language, I'm in a bad mood (which works for me better than depression)
Author skyman87 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Hey Buttercup. Yea, it really is hard, but I know I'm not alone. I've found talking about it to those close helps. When I talk about it I am able to cry, and that helps a lot! These emotions are indeed a bitch. But, we'll get through it. Of course, give me a few hours and I'll be feeling different. Stay strong.
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