carissalime Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hello all. I have finally started to think that i may need some professional help. I cannot seem to cope with the fact that I was forced to have an abortion by my husband. Last night I cried in the shower. I love my husband, but he is so damn controlling. I feel like i am walking on eggshells most of the time. If some of you recall my last post (its been a while) I am 40, and last april, I became preg. and i did want to keep the baby, i thought my husband would be happy, but he told me it was him or the baby, that if i wanted to keep it, i would be doing it alone, and that he would cut all ties to the child, and have nothing to do with it or with me. I had a medical abortion, and watched the baby (egg) fall into the toilet. I was devastated. I cannot talk about this now to him, i would not dare too. Last feb. I received a severe beating for talking about our baby we lost in 2009. There are some things that i cannot speak of, and so i dont. Well, i have been thinking that maybe the time has come where i need to find help, like a shrink. What do you guys think? Can someone really help me? And how do you go about spilling your secrets to a stranger? I need advice. Thanks guys. I know there is always someone here who understands.
anne1707 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I have just been looking at some of your past threads. You HAVE to leave this marriage before it destroys you. This man does not love you the way a husband should love his wife. Is there anybody you can turn to for help? Have you got family you can stay with? You need to get out of this situation for the sake if yourself and your daughter. That is your priority and then you can concentrate on making yourself strong again through the help of a good and supportive counsellor so that you can see you do not have to accept and tolerate the abuse you have been suffering from.
Minnie09 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Why do you say you love this guy? What is love for you? He clearly doesn't love you, because love comes with respect and having the other person's back. He clearly doesn't respect, cherish and support you. Get out of this M asap. You're being abused, emotionally and physically, and you have to protect yourself from further damage, but mainly you must protect your child. This is an utterly damaging environment to grow up in. Her tender soul doesn't need any more destroying. Please be strong, plan ahead, get your finances in order, make a budget, work hard and run as fast as you can. He probably won't even care if you walk out on him tomorrow. Yes, talk to a counselor, or a shrink, but not in order to be able to cope better with your M situation! Do it to gather some strength (which you're obviously lacking) to get out now!
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 carissa - your post is so upsetting. No one should have to live like you've been living. Where are you from? I think it would be good for you to find someone to talk to --- a therapist may be able to guide you into a stronger place and give you the courage to leave your abusive husband (as well as provide resources that will help you to). Opening up may be difficult at first - in my own experience, I just wanted help so bad that I let everything out with as much honesty as I could conjure in words. Your husband would have to be willing to change for your situation to improve and it seems like he'd be vehemently against accepting there's anything wrong with him. It's terrible to feel imprisoned. It's terrible to feel like natural expressions are not "allowed" and are "punishable". You do not have to live like that. I'm going to lean towards the idea that leaving probably terrifies you, nonetheless. It would do you well to truly figure out why. What would you have to lose by leaving, what are your concerns? And then when you have answers to those questions you can begin to address your fears. Each step we take into the unknown can help our confidence build up. So often we paint dreary pictures, only to live them and realize our imaginations inflated things. Also you must ask yourself what you would gain by leaving. Freedom? The opportunity to build a fulfilling life? The opportunity to meet someone who will love you and treat you well and be gentle with you? You will likely have things you will need to work out from being in your situation and that is normal. You can overcome them.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 carissa - really... your post is upsetting. I was considering what sort of things may be holding you back from leaving now. If one is that you think the abortion would be in vain, maybe you could look at it differently... maybe it is what can help save you from this situation. To help you realize that your husband's lack of care for you and your feelings and your well-being is... phenomenally atrocious. That you believe he won't even allow you to grieve is just horrible. I can't imagine being married to someone who I would fear assaulting me for expressing very natural emotions. You need someone to support you. I'm really so sorry for your situation.
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