Egychick Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I am very sad. I just started dating this guy 3 months ago. He's very athletic and plays semi-professional soccer. He's a workout-a-holic.... Since we met, he encouraged me to lose weight and work out. I'm not fat, but just needed to tone up. So, I did exactly that, I went from not even being able to do 3 sit ups to being able to do 30 without stopping. I have been doing stomach crunches, reverse crunches, working out my arms and being able to do so many repetitions. 100 twists and some squats. I've really improved. But I do not have a perfectly flat stomach yet. It's not huge..but I don't have washboard abs. Right now, he is out of town at training for the new season. And he tells me, "if I don't see a difference when I come back, I will be very angry." And his voice sounds scary. I almost feel like crying...I work so hard...and I've only been doing this for 2 months. It takes time. I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. He is not who I am usually attracted to, but I saw who he was from the inside and appreciated it. And he doesn't seem to appreciate me, regardless of how I am on the inside. He does, but then he threatens me. I'm only 5'5" and between 148-150 lbs...not so bad and no perfect. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I'm very sad, but I like him sooo much. But what else can I say?
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Dump him. You feel like **** dating him. So move on. It's your body. Why waste your time on this?
anne1707 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You like what you saw on the inside?????? But this man is a bully! I have no problem with him encouraging you and supporting you to be fit and healthy but he has no right to demand certain levels of physical appearance or fitness - especially when you have not "let yourself go" since you have been dating. And he threatens you??? Washboard abs on a woman is far more difficult than it is to achieve for a man for a start - if he really knew what he was talking about, he would recognise that. Women are naturally predisposed to have more fat and a rounder stomach than men - it does not mean that they are overweight, unfit, unattractive. Sorry OP - I am just so annoyed at your boyfriend's attitude. It is totally unacceptable for him to threaten and bully you like this. Please dump him ASAP!
Shaun-Dro Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I am very sad. I just started dating this guy 3 months ago. He's very athletic and plays semi-professional soccer. He's a workout-a-holic.... Since we met, he encouraged me to lose weight and work out. I'm not fat, but just needed to tone up. So, I did exactly that, I went from not even being able to do 3 sit ups to being able to do 30 without stopping. I have been doing stomach crunches, reverse crunches, working out my arms and being able to do so many repetitions. 100 twists and some squats. I've really improved. But I do not have a perfectly flat stomach yet. It's not huge..but I don't have washboard abs. Right now, he is out of town at training for the new season. And he tells me, "if I don't see a difference when I come back, I will be very angry." And his voice sounds scary. I almost feel like crying...I work so hard...and I've only been doing this for 2 months. It takes time. I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. He is not who I am usually attracted to, but I saw who he was from the inside and appreciated it. And he doesn't seem to appreciate me, regardless of how I am on the inside. He does, but then he threatens me. I'm only 5'5" and between 148-150 lbs...not so bad and no perfect. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I'm very sad, but I like him sooo much. But what else can I say? Another case of low self esteem keeping you around, while your boyfriend manipulates you his way to seek his approval. I can't even begin to count how many cases like this are out there amongst the young female brand. All he has to do now is really pour it on and you'll be reeling in mercy for a pat on the back, a small gift, or even a kiss. This guy has really attacked your self-worth because he knows it'll hook you around his finger. If this dude had done the opposite, the relationship would probably be over now.
Author Egychick Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 What he wants is for me to have what he calls "cuts": round hips, and a flat stomach. Like an hour-glass shape. He just told me on the phone..."If you keep teaching someone how to say A..B...C..and then they still cant say, A...B...C.., then you give them a recording, and they still can't say it, you'll get annoyed." And he says I don't care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even try. I did tell him, it's my body, and I'm doing this to make myself happy first. I don't look bad, I am an attractive person, I think, inside and out. He could have a girl with a perfect body, and she could be a complete, B****. It's not all about that. If I were him, I'd be happy, even if the person was making a real and serious effort, like I am doing....
Shaun-Dro Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You like what you saw on the inside?????? Washboard abs on a woman is far more difficult than it is to achieve for a man for a start - if he really knew what he was talking about, he would recognise that. Women are naturally predisposed to have more fat and a rounder stomach than men - it does not mean that they are overweight, unfit, unattractive. Actually it's men that hold more fat in the stomach than women. You girls should be looking nice and keen around the belly with the fat floating into other places of the body like breasts and hips. Remember that.
nandesuka Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You're height/weight isn't perfect. But it's not 'oh my goodness she's soo fat' bad either. He's a jerk. Dump him. He ain't worth it. Lose weight for yourself, not for him. What an asshat of a boyfriend.
Easyguy14 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 What he wants is for me to have what he calls "cuts": round hips, and a flat stomach. Like an hour-glass shape. He just told me on the phone..."If you keep teaching someone how to say A..B...C..and then they still cant say, A...B...C.., then you give them a recording, and they still can't say it, you'll get annoyed." And he says I don't care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even try. I did tell him, it's my body, and I'm doing this to make myself happy first. I don't look bad, I am an attractive person, I think, inside and out. He could have a girl with a perfect body, and she could be a complete, B****. It's not all about that. If I were him, I'd be happy, even if the person was making a real and serious effort, like I am doing.... this guy you're dating is controlling you so that you'll become the model girlfriend he's always craved because he cant get the already-made ones. why do you accept this behavior. may I ask how old you are?
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 What he wants is for me to have what he calls "cuts": round hips, and a flat stomach. Like an hour-glass shape. He just told me on the phone..."If you keep teaching someone how to say A..B...C..and then they still cant say, A...B...C.., then you give them a recording, and they still can't say it, you'll get annoyed." And he says I don't care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even try. I did tell him, it's my body, and I'm doing this to make myself happy first. I don't look bad, I am an attractive person, I think, inside and out. He could have a girl with a perfect body, and she could be a complete, B****. It's not all about that. If I were him, I'd be happy, even if the person was making a real and serious effort, like I am doing.... Well, you're not him, you're you. That anger? That's what's inside. Now life is too short for any of this. Dump him. Or set him free to find a woman who meets his expectations and set yourself free to meet a man who'll adore you as you deserve to be.
Author Egychick Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 I'm 30....and not getting any younger. From what he told me, he thinks I am more attractive than he is. He is also jealous, so he is kind of jealous. He is an African guy. So he wants me to be like those girls where he is from, who have tiny waists and big hips. But that is not me. I'll be happy to just have a flat stomach. It will come in time. I also eat healthy, so ya, I'm trying to do my best.
anne1707 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 What do you get out of this relationship that makes you feel good? What does he do that makes you feel loved, special and happy? Anything?
Author Egychick Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Actually, other than the weight issue, is is very loving and caring. He doesn't hang around a bunch of women (and isn't a cheater) and I've been cheated on before by my ex. He is respectful, and very focused on his career. He's mature...and serious about life. Doesn't act like the ex's I dated before. Normally, we get along great. It's just the flat stomach issue that gives us problems. He well liked by many people, and really cool. He is just obsessed with working out, and I guess he expects me to be the same...I don't know... Just say....is there any other way to show him I will not be pushed around rather than dumping him?
anne1707 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 The fact that he is not a cheater or that he is cool does not make him a good boyfriend. Does he do anything that actually makes YOU feel special? Does he do anything for YOU?
olivec Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I am very sad. I just started dating this guy 3 months ago. He's very athletic and plays semi-professional soccer. He's a workout-a-holic.... Since we met, he encouraged me to lose weight and work out. I'm not fat, but just needed to tone up. So, I did exactly that, I went from not even being able to do 3 sit ups to being able to do 30 without stopping. I have been doing stomach crunches, reverse crunches, working out my arms and being able to do so many repetitions. 100 twists and some squats. I've really improved. But I do not have a perfectly flat stomach yet. It's not huge..but I don't have washboard abs. Right now, he is out of town at training for the new season. And he tells me, "if I don't see a difference when I come back, I will be very angry." And his voice sounds scary. I almost feel like crying...I work so hard...and I've only been doing this for 2 months. It takes time. I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. He is not who I am usually attracted to, but I saw who he was from the inside and appreciated it. And he doesn't seem to appreciate me, regardless of how I am on the inside. He does, but then he threatens me. I'm only 5'5" and between 148-150 lbs...not so bad and no perfect. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I'm very sad, but I like him sooo much. But what else can I say? Get rid of him now. If he's gunna be that demanding and critical of you after only a few months of dating theres not telling how bad this guy might get including physical behaviour. You gotta ask yourself do you really want to be with a guy that your constantly on egg shells when your around him and afraid if your physical appearance is just not up to his standards? I tell him to go **** himself and tell him your done with him.
Author Egychick Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 What he did was something that other guys never did....aside from weight...he appreciates me. Doesn't talk about other girls around me. He calls me 2-3 times everyday. instead of hanging out with his friends, he'll shorten the time with them, to say he needs to spend it with his gf. He cares about my opinions in issues. He'll ask me what I think, and makes changes also to suit me, even though I didn't necessarily ask him to. He'll call me in the morning to just say hello and hear my voice. As soon as he gets even a 2 day break from training, he will spend it with me. Most importantly, he got me into reading the Bible again, which has made me happy. He does make me feel loved most of the time. It's just the weight issue like I said before, that he does the threatening about. All of my bf's had some kind of problem. None were perfect, but even though it doesn't seem like it from this post...he's the best one I've had so far.
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Just say....is there any other way to show him I will not be pushed around rather than dumping him? Eat lots of food and put weight on. Ignore his mithering and tell him to go kick rocks next time his starts moaning at you. Tell him to get a thinner girlfriend next time he moans as you. Seriously. If you are going to act like a doormat he's going to treat you like one. No-one is worth that.
Kelemort Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You're a healthy weight and you are not paid to look like a supermodel. Fitness people look that way because that is their LIFE and their business. Your average woman is going to be a little soft...and there's nothing wrong with that. Sounds as though you keep yourself in good shape, but he's threatening you over your BODY - which is as it was when you first started dating, and before. Leave him. Do you want this to be your life?
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 What he did was something that other guys never did....aside from weight...he appreciates me. Doesn't talk about other girls around me. He calls me 2-3 times everyday. instead of hanging out with his friends, he'll shorten the time with them, to say he needs to spend it with his gf. He cares about my opinions in issues. He'll ask me what I think, and makes changes also to suit me, even though I didn't necessarily ask him to. He'll call me in the morning to just say hello and hear my voice. As soon as he gets even a 2 day break from training, he will spend it with me. Most importantly, he got me into reading the Bible again, which has made me happy. He does make me feel loved most of the time. It's just the weight issue like I said before, that he does the threatening about. All of my bf's had some kind of problem. None were perfect, but even though it doesn't seem like it from this post...he's the best one I've had so far. And, if you tell him to f*ck himself with a broken bottle next time he tries to interfere in how you treat your body he might become an even better boyfriend. If you keep hanging on you'll get dragged around. Make it clear to him what the consequences will be if he keeps pissing you off like this, and follow through with them if he ignores that.
Professor X Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Just say....is there any other way to show him I will not be pushed around rather than dumping him? You pretty much made up your mind to stay with him and if you wanted to tell him something like "it's my body! you need to like me as I am!" you would of already told him that by now, but you didn't, therefor in your case, I would say your only option is to Keep your mouth shut. Yes, it sounds bad, but you wanna stay with him and you can't gather the courage to make a decisive move, so that's what you're left with. Each chooses his own happiness, and if you're happy now than you need to keep quiet and follow this man around like a good dog, ehhhhhhh, I mean like a good woman.
dispatch3d Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Yeah lets go back to the threatening part. That phone conversation I wouldn't be too cool with.
ja123 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Please read Susan Forward's book "Emotional Blackmail". Do yourself a favour and get it today. Even if you had the perfect body of an Olympic swimmer, then there would be something else that he would pick on. This is not about your body. It's about his pathological need to abuse and control you. If you stay, then you have to ask yourself if you have a need to be put down? If so, why? What are you getting from being put down? I hope you can find the strength to unequivocally cut this person out of your life: "no contact whatsoever!!!" Staying or remaining in contact with someone like this can do unimaginable damage to your self-esteem. You're worth better!
ja123 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Here is a forum I think you ought to check out, and post on. I feel your post here involves more than simple dating dynamics: http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/ Good luck!
grkBoy Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Put your foot down and tell him you like being healthy, but aren't going to kill yourself to meet an unrealistic standard. If he dumps you then it's no loss to you. I'll bet money if the men here saw a photo of you, they would all say how they would totally think you're hot. Your BF is being a jerk. Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. No one is worth that much pain.
AlexDP Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 What he wants is for me to have what he calls "cuts": round hips, and a flat stomach. Like an hour-glass shape. He just told me on the phone..."If you keep teaching someone how to say A..B...C..and then they still cant say, A...B...C.., then you give them a recording, and they still can't say it, you'll get annoyed." And he says I don't care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even try. I did tell him, it's my body, and I'm doing this to make myself happy first. I don't look bad, I am an attractive person, I think, inside and out. He could have a girl with a perfect body, and she could be a complete, B****. It's not all about that. If I were him, I'd be happy, even if the person was making a real and serious effort, like I am doing.... To him it probably will look like you don't care. I'm a semi professional soccer player myself and our workouts can be quite brutal. I work out pretty much two hours a day. I very much doubt you can say the same. However, that doesn't mean you're not trying. It's just that to him it might look like that. The thing is though.. I don't understand why you guys are with each other to begin with.
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