I can't ignore it anymore.

[tigressA]

Just when I think the thread has died it has been resurrected.

 

I'm going to refrain altogether from being FB friends with any of his family. This way we both get what we want. I don't have to censor anything, and his 'reputation' remains intact. I'd rather do things my own way and keep his family out of it for now. Going by past experience, I will never communicate with any of them via FB. If they sent me a friend request they'd just want to 'stalk' me, and now that I know they would disapprove of certain things on my profile, there's no sense in being friends with them before I've met them in person. BF is friends with my dad and brother--they both sent him requests--and they never talk. I knew they just wanted a scoop on him and I told him so at the time. He didn't mind so he accepted.

 

As for the criticism of my pic--goes to show you can't please everyone. The only complaint I have about it is that it was extremely off-topic, as I posted it only to correct the fictional notion that I was topless. I appreciate the leaping to my defense, but I can handle being told I'm unattractive or whatever else as I dealt with that most of my life. And I'm not going into modeling looking to make a living off it at all. I know that's not possible for me at this stage. I have a satisfying job/career, and I'm having fun with this. If I happen to get more out of it than fun, that's entirely alright with me.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nice conclusion.

[Pierre]

Just when I think the thread has died it has been resurrected.

 

I'm going to refrain altogether from being FB friends with any of his family. This way we both get what we want. I don't have to censor anything, and his 'reputation' remains intact. I'd rather do things my own way and keep his family out of it for now. Going by past experience, I will never communicate with any of them via FB. If they sent me a friend request they'd just want to 'stalk' me, and now that I know they would disapprove of certain things on my profile, there's no sense in being friends with them before I've met them in person. BF is friends with my dad and brother--they both sent him requests--and they never talk. I knew they just wanted a scoop on him and I told him so at the time. He didn't mind so he accepted.

 

As for the criticism of my pic--goes to show you can't please everyone. The only complaint I have about it is that it was extremely off-topic, as I posted it only to correct the fictional notion that I was topless. I appreciate the leaping to my defense, but I can handle being told I'm unattractive or whatever else as I dealt with that most of my life. And I'm not going into modeling looking to make a living off it at all. I know that's not possible for me at this stage. I have a satisfying job/career, and I'm having fun with this. If I happen to get more out of it than fun, that's entirely alright with me.

That is a very healthy normal attitude, congratulations!

 

I still suggest you do not spend any of your money in the photos or shoot. There are a lot of scams out there.

[tigressA]

That is a very healthy normal attitude, congratulations!

 

I still suggest you do not spend any of your money in the photos or shoot. There are a lot of scams out there.

 

Thanks. I figured I'd much rather have my first impression with them be in real life, not virtual life. It will take longer (his family are all in India) but the payoff will be worth it. Like some here have said, seeing some things on my profile without knowing me will likely make them judge me in a negative way. All but a couple of my FB friends (I have two from LS) I have known in real life first. Best to keep to that practice with regard to BF's family.

 

He is going away to India in about a month or so...I should just have him take pictures of me on his phone to show his family so they won't badger him to show them my FB.

[Sanman]

Tigress, I'm glad it worked out. While I haven't read this whole thread, there are things that have not been mentioned here. For starters, the issue does go beyond his family and into culture. However, it is conservative culture and not necessarily Indian culture. These issue would pop up in any conservative culture regardless of religion/ethnicity. If someone who is jealous or does not like you gets a whiff of this it becomes an issue. For example, I know for a fact my parents are liberal and such pictures likely would not bother them. However, extended family and family friends would be bothered and make comments to my parents who would get annoyed (and defend me to others) and complain to me. This stress from my parents would in turn stress out my relationship. For that reason, I have asked past gfs to cover up things like tattoos and take out tongue piercings and the like. They usually don't have a problem with it as I cover my tattoo and am willing to present myself in a way that pleases their parents so they do not have to deal with flak. It works for me anyway as I am a professional and need to be presentable for work. This is the way of things in many places. Tigress, for many reasons including any professional aspirations you may have it may not be a bad idea to to separate personal and professional. Have you thought about creating a FB page specifically geared toward modeling with those pics and a separate page for friends and family. I know a lot my teacher friends do this so that they can accept friends requests from students. Just a thought.

[JohnnyCage]

Just a few days ago she (tigress) started a thread about girls wearing indecently in public. But she thinks it's decent enough to post provocative pics on FB and for all to see including the BF's family.

 

Way to go

[JohnnyCage]

Just when I think the thread has died it has been resurrected.

 

I'm going to refrain altogether from being FB friends with any of his family. This way we both get what we want. I don't have to censor anything, and his 'reputation' remains intact. I'd rather do things my own way and keep his family out of it for now. Going by past experience, I will never communicate with any of them via FB. If they sent me a friend request they'd just want to 'stalk' me, and now that I know they would disapprove of certain things on my profile, there's no sense in being friends with them before I've met them in person. BF is friends with my dad and brother--they both sent him requests--and they never talk. I knew they just wanted a scoop on him and I told him so at the time. He didn't mind so he accepted.

 

As for the criticism of my pic--goes to show you can't please everyone. The only complaint I have about it is that it was extremely off-topic, as I posted it only to correct the fictional notion that I was topless. I appreciate the leaping to my defense, but I can handle being told I'm unattractive or whatever else as I dealt with that most of my life. And I'm not going into modeling looking to make a living off it at all. I know that's not possible for me at this stage. I have a satisfying job/career, and I'm having fun with this. If I happen to get more out of it than fun, that's entirely alright with me.

So the conclusion is that you refuse to respect his family and that it really doesn't matter if his family gets offended by you not accepting their friend request. Or maybe the spineless bf you have will have to explain to them the reason why they can't be on your list.

[LoveandSuch]

Yes, I may have been somewhat harsh and do apologize. I believe sometimes honesty is needed and best in certain situations. OT? Tigress has been asking for opinions on the board. All has been related to how her life decisions are affecting her bf and possibly his family.

People have to make sacrifices, all the time in life, in order to maintain relationships. If they choose not to, that is their right. The decisions could result in negative outcomes.

Say a man hits, 50, and decides to the hell with it, he loves watching poker tournaments on TV, feels he can be the next big time poker star, and he is gonna up and move to Vegas for awhile, leave the family temporarily while he goes after this big dream of his. Okay. He loses all his family and money in the process. Maybe if someone stepped in and knocked some honesty into him, he wouldn't have lost so much on a fruitless endeavor. It is his dream, who is to stop you would be a stupid opinion to give the guy if he was asking advice.

Age is a huge factor also, the next up and coming model is 9 years old! She is on the cover of French Vogue, and regardless of the fact she is impossibly gorgeous at her age, this is what the field is going for now, 9 year old! Is quite controversial. So 24 is way over the hill in this profession.

Tigress is not bad looking and is an average female, but model material? Come on guys, let's be realistic here. She is going to have to figure out herself what is most important in her life.

[Kamille]

 

Tigress is not bad looking and is an average female, but model material? Come on guys, let's be realistic here. She is going to have to figure out herself what is most important in her life.

Ok, I know this is OT but...

 

My knowledge of the profession is limited to America's next top model, but... Yes, definitely, I see model material in Tigressa. She's far from average and has a look that stands out. I agree with whoever said that the photographer could have done a better job (is he professional T), and personally feel that while she connects with the camera, she should practice body poses.

 

And T, please don't confuse critiques of a picture with critiques of your beauty. Come on, you know you are beautiful and you take great pictures. Now your job is to take outstanding pictures, of modeling quality.

[Ms. Joolie]

So the conclusion is that you refuse to respect his family and that it really doesn't matter if his family gets offended by you not accepting their friend request. Or maybe the spineless bf you have will have to explain to them the reason why they can't be on your list.

 

She already said she prefers to meet them in person before friending them on FB. That seems like a logical decision, considering she doesn't want to have to censor her pics.

 

And I don't think the BF was being spineless at all. He was standing up for HER reputation as well as being responsible for impressions being made, and relations. It was good that he spoke up, they discussed and a conclusion has been made.

 

I just hope the feelings of being pushed to improve herself and being censored do not persist for her...

[donnamaybe]

So the conclusion is that you refuse to respect his family and that it really doesn't matter if his family gets offended by you not accepting their friend request. Or maybe the spineless bf you have will have to explain to them the reason why they can't be on your list.

See, I thought of this too. Family being offended by having their FB requests ignored.

 

The truly simplest solution would be to just not allow them access to that particular album.

[Star Gazer]

And T, please don't confuse critiques of a picture with critiques of your beauty. Come on, you know you are beautiful and you take great pictures. Now your job is to take outstanding pictures, of modeling quality.

 

Yes!!!

 

The only thing I am willing to say about the picture and critique of it is this: As a model or actress, you have to have VERY THICK SKIN when it comes to criticism. If you can't handle what you're hearing here from strangers, people who have no impact on your career, you're going to have a very hard time in the real world, because many, many agents and managers will tear your book apart. You could be Heidi Klum and still receive feedback about not-so-great photos. You can't take it personally. It's not a criticism of how you look, but the pictures themselves.

 

I also hope you didn't pay for that picture to be taken.

[Star Gazer]

The truly simplest solution would be to just not allow them access to that particular album.

 

This. You can create "lists" which you then allow access to certain things, like albums, or even certain status posts. I was FB friends with Skiman's entire family, including his very conservative mother and grandmother. Although a little more of a pain in that I had to be careful insofar what list I was allowing things, I found it very helpful.

[JohnnyCage]

She already said she prefers to meet them in person before friending them on FB. That seems like a logical decision, considering she doesn't want to have to censor her pics.

 

And I don't think the BF was being spineless at all. He was standing up for HER reputation as well as being responsible for impressions being made, and relations. It was good that he spoke up, they discussed and a conclusion has been made.

 

I just hope the feelings of being pushed to improve herself and being censored do not persist for her...

You don't know much about her do you? If you did you would know why her bf is spineless.

[Ms. Joolie]

You don't know much about her do you? If you did you would know why her bf is spineless.

 

I'm going with that she's a strong character capable of attracting the same. I'm not assuming the BF is spineless.

[JohnnyCage]

I'm going with that she's a strong character capable of attracting the same. I'm not assuming the BF is spineless.

Strong character lol. That's probably a first for her. She is a gold digger and nothing else.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes, I may have been somewhat harsh and do apologize. I believe sometimes honesty is needed and best in certain situations. OT? Tigress has been asking for opinions on the board. All has been related to how her life decisions are affecting her bf and possibly his family.

People have to make sacrifices, all the time in life, in order to maintain relationships. If they choose not to, that is their right. The decisions could result in negative outcomes.

Say a man hits, 50, and decides to the hell with it, he loves watching poker tournaments on TV, feels he can be the next big time poker star, and he is gonna up and move to Vegas for awhile, leave the family temporarily while he goes after this big dream of his. Okay. He loses all his family and money in the process. Maybe if someone stepped in and knocked some honesty into him, he wouldn't have lost so much on a fruitless endeavor. It is his dream, who is to stop you would be a stupid opinion to give the guy if he was asking advice.

Age is a huge factor also, the next up and coming model is 9 years old! She is

on the cover of French Vogue, and regardless of the fact she is impossibly gorgeous at her age, this is what the field is going for now, 9 year old! Is quite controversial. So 24 is way over the hill in this profession.

Tigress is not bad looking and is an average female, but model material? Come on guys, let's be realistic here. She is going to have to figure out herself what is most important in her life.

 

Allow me to present you with some sense: it is called boundaries. Just because something or someone appears before you does not give you the responsibility or invitation to present fault and negativity out of context.

 

For instance, I am posting here. If I post up about my daughter, asking for advice on how to handle bedtimes, looking at my avatar or a picture of me holding my daughter does not give you any invitation, cause, or permission to comment on my weigh problem for instance. Even if I am a walking heart attack, you are not privy to my personal (or otherwise) situation and are also not my friend, physician, family or even acquaintance.

 

If I ask for opinions regarding my appearance or health, that is another matter entirely.

 

As for the Las Vegas poker "champion." If you are not friend, family, acquaintance, clergy, mental health professional or financial officer tired to the situation, it is really none of your business.

 

People are allowed to trainwreck their lives. Most learn before they do.

 

Furthermore, expressing a concern is phrased very differently than pointing out perceived faults or flaws in logic.

 

A wonderful read regarding some of the subject is The New Codependency as well as Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.

 

Enjoy.

 

I am not judging you, I had to read those books to discover some things as well.

[Ms. Joolie]

Strong character lol. That's probably a first for her. She is a gold digger and nothing else.

 

ouch. speechless.

 

But I will say that by strong character, I meant along the lines of her coming across as a bold or brazen character to me from her posts here. Not to say strong character as in uprighteous necessarily... Or that she has this bravado boyfriend. Just saying it was good he spoke up, and it is my opinion that it was not from being spineless. Just saying as in a way to offer a different pov, that is all.

[LoveandSuch]

Allow me to present you with some sense: it is called boundaries. Just because something or someone appears before you does not give you the responsibility or invitation to present fault and negativity out of context.

 

For instance, I am posting here. If I post up about my daughter, asking for advice on how to handle bedtimes, looking at my avatar or a picture of me holding my daughter does not give you any invitation, cause, or permission to comment on my weigh problem for instance. Even if I am a walking heart attack, you are not privy to my personal (or otherwise) situation and are also not my friend, physician, family or even acquaintance.

 

If I ask for opinions regarding my appearance or health, that is another matter entirely.

 

Your right, although, if the poker came to the board questioning his choice and how it is affecting his family, then it is put out there, making it the business of others.

It was harsh, she will soon find out it is much much worse in the industry.

 

As for the Las Vegas poker "champion." If you are not friend, family, acquaintance, clergy, mental health professional or financial officer tired to the situation, it is really none of your business.

 

People are allowed to trainwreck their lives. Most learn before they do.

 

Furthermore, expressing a concern is phrased very differently than pointing out perceived faults or flaws in logic.

 

A wonderful read regarding some of the subject is The New Codependency as well as Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.

 

Enjoy.

 

I am not judging you, I had to read those books to discover some things as well.

 

Your right, although, if the poker guy in question came to this board questioning his choice and how it is affecting his family, then it is put out there, making it the business of others.

 

But it is important to note that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. I think someone mentioned here they think Robin Williams is very handsome. I would disagree, but that goes to show others think he is great looking. It is all in the eye of the beholder. And I thought about it some more, and if she feels it is worth the possibility of losing her BF, and spending money on modeling rather than furthering her education, great! At least she is getting up in this world and L-I-V-I-N-G! It could be much worse.

[tigressA]

Yes!!!

 

The only thing I am willing to say about the picture and critique of it is this: As a model or actress, you have to have VERY THICK SKIN when it comes to criticism. If you can't handle what you're hearing here from strangers, people who have no impact on your career, you're going to have a very hard time in the real world, because many, many agents and managers will tear your book apart. You could be Heidi Klum and still receive feedback about not-so-great photos. You can't take it personally. It's not a criticism of how you look, but the pictures themselves.

 

I also hope you didn't pay for that picture to be taken.

 

I get that. I already have a satisfying FT job that I am looking to turn into a career. Because modeling is just a hobby for me that could possibly turn into a secondary source of income (not holding my breath ), being criticized is no skin off my nose.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

the fictional notion that I was topless.

 

 

While you are clearly not topless in the photo, and while you did say "Painted bra on"... I am not going to condemn anybody whose mind saw, as I did, painted-on bra.

 

 

The phrases are so close, and they hit a seeming 'blind spot' in the semi-speed-reading that many of us are guilty of trying to master.

 

Unlike with others, the difference between what you wrote and what I thought I saw was only reflected in how fast I raced to click the link!!!

[zengirl]

tigressA, I'm glad you feel like you have this worked out for now, but I think you were more right when the thread started: This is an overarching issue that isn't any one of these little problems and isn't going to go away (that doesn't mean it cannot be resolved or you two won't work out), so it's not really about the FB or the comment or the one experience or whatever. It's about how your individual socializations clash.

 

Anyway, I found reading the thread (I've been away a bit) interesting and informative, but it seems like your "resolution" is only on the much smaller issue. Have you talked about the broader ones? This will likely have to be an ongoing dialogue in order for things to work out. All relationships need that, but relationships where culture or any kind of socialization varies even more greatly need it even more.

 

Or, rather, what you said:

 

I'm one of those people who prefers to ignore differences, particularly cultural/racial, that could potentially cause conflict. I can't really afford to do that in my relationship anymore.

 

It seems like you're trying to resolve the immediate problem and go back into ignore-mode. I don't think you'll be able to do that and successfully deepen this relationship at the same time. Perhaps it's time to try something new and keep that dialogue open even when there AREN'T problems at the moment. Prevention is often the best solution, etc.

 

I can see your arguments (in the OP) from both sides, except the cleaner/job thing, which could easily be more a foot-in-mouth moment (we all have them, and frankly, that doesn't seem particularly Indian to me at all; any educated, well off American guy OR gal with some class-based tunnel vision could've made that comment just as easily). Though, in the FB thing, I see his more clearly. Your significant other is a reflection on you---this is true all throughout Asia, not just in India, and maybe even here, though it's more pronounced in most Asian countries and cultures, which as different as they are often have a more 'communal' type mentality/less individualism than American/Western countries. You ARE your significant other. You ARE your family. The distinction is much less than what Americans would think. (If you look at Eastern vs. Western religions, or any major form of custom, you can see this plainly is a broad theme in the East---they are less individualistic.) At any rate: There is nothing wrong with either view, and like everything, the best view is likely somewhere in the middle.

 

But, going from that notion of YOU are him. You are a constant reflection on him. Anything you do, it is assumed he approves of (and the same for him and you, frankly, I'm not trying to make it all sexist, though there's certainly a sexist nature of traditional Indian culture---but that's true of "traditional" culture in the West too). He is congratulated or blamed for you by his family. This is not altogether untrue in the West; it's just far MORE true in the East, and it's a greater burden, responsibility, and source of pride. Subverted, such ideas can cause trouble, but so can the individualistic ideas of the West. Neither is "better" or "worse." Just different.

 

I was only saying that in regard to coverage, not context. "You see no more revealed than you would while at the beach."

 

Loads of gals in India don't wear bathing suits without significant cover ups. The bikini is, in my understanding, not commonly worn there, and would likely be considered scandalous. (Same as China, Japan and Korea; different than many other Asian cultures; but Indians, likely because of the British imperial influence, ironically, are very buttoned-up about what skin they show. Though you likely know this.)

 

Cute pictures though.

 

But she also said she refuses to simply block his family from that specific album because she just shouldn't have to. Here we have a very simple way for her to compromise, but she refuses. Refusing to compromise, especially on something as innocuous as this, indicates quite a rigid attitude and does not bode well for this or, for that matter, any R.

 

See, I thought of this too. Family being offended by having their FB requests ignored.

 

The truly simplest solution would be to just not allow them access to that particular album.

 

I also echo what donnamaybe said. I think you have a stubborn nature in general tigressA. (Not meant as a slight, really. Hey, I'm stubborn too, but while stubbornness can be tenacious and helpful at times, it can also be a big issue at times.) I'm not saying let someone walk all over you, but part of being with someone is compromise. Is it really that hard to compromise a little so he doesn't have to feel shame over his family's view of you/comments on you or, even if you aren't down with his socialized shame at family displeasure, so his family simply views you openly and you both have better interactions with his family and each other? Aren't those dynamics more important than a few pictures on FB or some abstract idea of "self-expression"? Or the few minutes it takes to lock the album?

 

What WILL you compromise on? You often seem avoidant of giving in at all.

 

This is not to say your BF doesn't bring any issues to the dynamic and it's all your fault, but it's always easier to work on your own part of the dynamic first.

Edited August 23, 2011 by zengirl

[dreamingoftigers]

Your right, although, if the poker guy in question came to this board questioning his choice and how it is affecting his family, then it is put out there, making it the business of others.

.

 

The thoughtfulness of your response is really cool.

 

With the above just to clear up something tiny (although I think

we are already in agreement) if the Poker Player were to come on here and post a topic about, "how do I deal with my gay son?" it would be inappropriate to comment:

 

"you aren't s good enough poker player to make a living off of it. You don't know what the Hell you are getting into, you couldn't bluff your way out of a paper bag."

 

This would actually be more counter-productive than productive because not only is the guy not getting help on dealing with his gay son, he is really irritated with you for a perceived bashing. Plus you may very well be incorrect.

 

Fin.

[Star Gazer]

...being criticized is no skin off my nose.

 

With all due respect, it really doesn't seem like it.

[tigressA]

tigressA, I'm glad you feel like you have this worked out for now, but I think you were more right when the thread started: This is an overarching issue that isn't any one of these little problems and isn't going to go away (that doesn't mean it cannot be resolved or you two won't work out), so it's not really about the FB or the comment or the one experience or whatever. It's about how your individual socializations clash.

 

Anyway, I found reading the thread (I've been away a bit) interesting and informative, but it seems like your "resolution" is only on the much smaller issue. Have you talked about the broader ones? This will likely have to be an ongoing dialogue in order for things to work out. All relationships need that, but relationships where culture or any kind of socialization varies even more greatly need it even more.

 

Or, rather, what you said:

 

 

 

It seems like you're trying to resolve the immediate problem and go back into ignore-mode. I don't think you'll be able to do that and successfully deepen this relationship at the same time. Perhaps it's time to try something new and keep that dialogue open even when there AREN'T problems at the moment. Prevention is often the best solution, etc.

 

I can see your arguments (in the OP) from both sides, except the cleaner/job thing, which could easily be more a foot-in-mouth moment (we all have them, and frankly, that doesn't seem particularly Indian to me at all; any educated, well off American guy OR gal with some class-based tunnel vision could've made that comment just as easily). Though, in the FB thing, I see his more clearly. Your significant other is a reflection on you---this is true all throughout Asia, not just in India, and maybe even here, though it's more pronounced in most Asian countries and cultures, which as different as they are often have a more 'communal' type mentality/less individualism than American/Western countries. You ARE your significant other. You ARE your family. The distinction is much less than what Americans would think. (If you look at Eastern vs. Western religions, or any major form of custom, you can see this plainly is a broad theme in the East---they are less individualistic.) At any rate: There is nothing wrong with either view, and like everything, the best view is likely somewhere in the middle.

 

But, going from that notion of YOU are him. You are a constant reflection on him. Anything you do, it is assumed he approves of (and the same for him and you, frankly, I'm not trying to make it all sexist, though there's certainly a sexist nature of traditional Indian culture---but that's true of "traditional" culture in the West too). He is congratulated or blamed for you by his family. This is not altogether untrue in the West; it's just far MORE true in the East, and it's a greater burden, responsibility, and source of pride. Subverted, such ideas can cause trouble, but so can the individualistic ideas of the West. Neither is "better" or "worse." Just different.

 

 

 

Loads of gals in India don't wear bathing suits without significant cover ups. The bikini is, in my understanding, not commonly worn there, and would likely be considered scandalous. (Same as China, Japan and Korea; different than many other Asian cultures; but Indians, likely because of the British imperial influence, ironically, are very buttoned-up about what skin they show. Though you likely know this.)

 

Cute pictures though.

 

 

 

 

 

I also echo what donnamaybe said. I think you have a stubborn nature in general tigressA. (Not meant as a slight, really. Hey, I'm stubborn too, but while stubbornness can be tenacious and helpful at times, it can also be a big issue at times.) I'm not saying let someone walk all over you, but part of being with someone is compromise. Is it really that hard to compromise a little so he doesn't have to feel shame over his family's view of you/comments on you or, even if you aren't down with his socialized shame at family displeasure, so his family simply views you openly and you both have better interactions with his family and each other? Aren't those dynamics more important than a few pictures on FB or some abstract idea of "self-expression"? Or the few minutes it takes to lock the album?

 

What WILL you compromise on? You often seem avoidant of giving in at all.

 

This is not to say your BF doesn't bring any issues to the dynamic and it's all your fault, but it's always easier to work on your own part of the dynamic first.

 

Thanks, this was really informative. I think you're right; it isn't going to go away...the latest conflict being solved is like a band-aid. I was talking about it with my new work friend and I had actually expressed a bit of doubt about things. Going back to one of the issues I mentioned in the original post--his friends. I still haven't told him that I sort of would rather not go with him this weekend to visit them. While I did have some fun the one time we were there together I also did feel extremely left-out, and put out by the fact that BF didn't try harder to get his friends to speak more in English and he so easily fell in with them. I feel like it's his responsibility to lead the way on that because they're his friends (if it were the other way around I would do the same thing) and he had failed me that one time. I am afraid it will happen again, though we did talk about it extensively that same night we were there and he apologized because he knew he was in the wrong for not doing enough. I also sort of resent the fact that it will never be quite the same the other way around, because he knows English. Sure, with my friends there may be a few inside jokes or whatever, but he would have pretty much no problem fitting in with them. We went to my HS friend's wedding last month and there were no issues.