tonyp56 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Ok, since you seem to just not pay attention to anything that doesn't validate your feelings, you have two choices... Meet him 100% where he wants you, fall in line in other words, do everything he tells you. Leave him! There is that simple enough?
Hot Chick Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Have you considered not dating Indian guys or are you convinced that they are the best you can get? You don't have to settle just because he has possibly convinced you that you can't do better than him and have to settle for an Indian guy.
Try Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 He told his family about you. He encouraged you to make friends with his family. He does not want his family to see topless pictures (paint is not cloth) of you because he knows this will make them think less of you. It sounds to me like he is thinking of you as a keeper and not some fling on the side. I hate to break it to you but many people of faith in this county would think less of you for posting such pictures. It is not just an ethnic thing. Also, many people in this county value and respect their families. Again this is not just an ethnic thing. Blaming it on his ethnic background is an easy way out for you not facing this fact. The real difference is one of values. He values family and you do not. You need to decide if you love him enough to learn to value family to. If he was from the Bible belt you would be facing many of the same issues.
Kamille Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 What is it with the racist comments Hot Chick? So African guys and now Indian guys manipulate women into thinking they can't date within their own races? Women "settle" for non-white non-american born guys?
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I honestly had to refrain from typing this in all caps. No one who keeps harping on the pictures is getting it at all. Clearly, I need to post a picture to once and for all effectively state that I was not topless. There! You can see that yes, I am wearing painted cloth, as I originally stated. It could be either a bra or a bikini top. It shows nothing more than what you would see on a day at the beach. Had to put a different link in because the old one linked to the whole album. http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/110810/16/4e43138188d3c.jpg
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 We've already talked about this stuff...the friends, the pictures...but it seems to keep popping up and giving us (well, me and sometimes by extension us) trouble. It really seems like he cares a lot about what others think--at least, more than I do. He's more conservative and more attached to what his family and friends think than he would like to admit. It bothers me. I don't feel I should have to censor myself like that to gain approval from his relatives who I've never met before in my life. I don't even block my own father or brother from anything on my FB. It all really boils down to this: Why does he care so much? Because he's gone so far as to blatantly say that a prior occupation of mine wasn't going to cut it with his family, and he gave me an ultimatum about harmless pictures--it makes me think that if his family doesn't like me, he'll take their opinions to heart and end it. He doesn't want his family upset. They are obviously either religious or prefer him to stick to his kind. He cares what his family thinks (way too much!) but that is who he is. Love .. You can't just live on it .. There has to be mutual respect and common ground for it to work. I need to read the rest of your thread but i thought I'd give you a quick reply.
Pierre Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Have you considered not dating Indian guys or are you convinced that they are the best you can get? You don't have to settle just because he has possibly convinced you that you can't do better than him and have to settle for an Indian guy. Many law, medicine, and engineering schools are full of very smart Indian men. They also thrive in business and other endeavors. I am not sure they are low in the food chain. Your comment makes no sense and it sounds racist.
Pierre Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 In some cultures family is no big deal whereas in other cultures family is everything. It is probably easier for the non-family oriented person to adapt and assimilate into the family culture than to expect a family person to adapt into a culture where family is less important.
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 We talked about it even more a little while ago. He clarified that even if his family saw my pictures or whatever else, they (he meant his parents, not sure about his siblings, who are both older) wouldn't even tell him to his face if they disapproved. They'd just talk s*it behind our backs. I guess he has a right to be concerned about just what they'd be saying behind our backs, though. It would very likely spread to others in his family who wouldn't be so kind as to keep their thoughts to themselves. He made it clear, though, that he wouldn't leave me regardless of what his family may end up thinking. That was what really worried me. He did say he felt hurt when I said I didn't care what they thought of me--he took that to mean I didn't and wouldn't care about them, period. Something I'm really beginning to understand is that, culturally, Indians generally tend to care A LOT about status and image. For example, we were talking about weddings and he said, "It's not even about the couple getting married. It's about having a huge party and being able to brag about how many people you had there and how much money you could afford to spend..." When his older brother got married, their dad was disappointed because there were 'only' about 200 people there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I honestly had to refrain from typing this in all caps. No one who keeps harping on the pictures is getting it at all. Clearly, I need to post a picture to once and for all effectively state that I was not topless. There! You can see that yes, I am wearing painted cloth, as I originally stated. It could be either a bra or a bikini top. It shows nothing more than what you would see on a day at the beach. Had to put a different link in because the old one linked to the whole album. http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/110810/16/4e43138188d3c.jpg Well, I do have to admit that you said "painted bra on" and NOT "painted-on bra" (as so many here perceived) - but that doesn't matter. What if you were a cartoonist, instead of a model, and what if you'd been drawing and posting caricatures of a certain deity, and what if your boyfriend's family were muslim instead of indian? Your BF's review of your model photos has far less to do with an assessment of you, personally/physically, than it does to do with customs and tradition. At least with the religion example, it's all fictional no matter what you draw and in front of whom you post it. IF you are going to interact via Facebook with his family back in a more traditional environment than what you've come to know here, then you very definitely should show some regard for your boyfriend in the process.
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Had to put a different link in because the old one linked to the whole album. http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/110810/16/4e43138188d3c.jpg I can see why traditional parents would not be thrilled with those pictures being posted on a social networking site. I mean, you keep saying it's just like wearing a bikini at the beach, but you're NOT wearing a bikini and it's not being seen at the beach. It's a bra, and it's online. With some interesting body paint.
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I can see why traditional parents would not be thrilled with those pictures being posted on a social networking site. I mean, you keep saying it's just like wearing a bikini at the beach, but you're NOT wearing a bikini and it's not being seen at the beach. It's a bra, and it's online. With some interesting body paint. I was only saying that in regard to coverage, not context. "You see no more revealed than you would while at the beach."
Pierre Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Well, I do have to admit that you said "painted bra on" and NOT "painted-on bra" (as so many here perceived) - but that doesn't matter. What if you were a cartoonist, instead of a model, and what if you'd been drawing and posting caricatures of a certain deity, and what if your boyfriend's family were muslim instead of indian? Your BF's review of your model photos has far less to do with an assessment of you, personally/physically, than it does to do with customs and tradition. At least with the religion example, it's all fictional no matter what you draw and in front of whom you post it. IF you are going to interact via Facebook with his family back in a more traditional environment than what you've come to know here, then you very definitely should show some regard for your boyfriend in the process. Nice photo. I think it is not a big deal, however, I am more concerned as to why you are into modeling and why you post the photos in facebook. I know some young women enjoy that sort of thing, but it also sends the wrong message to some people.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I actually dated a South Indian guy for a bit. Didn't last too long. He got very clingy. Very clingy. He was talking marriage right out the gate. Everytime we wbtnout on a date he would meet me with a present. Is your guy a Northerner, Southerner, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh background? Just curious really.
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 Nice photo. I think it is not a big deal, however, I am more concerned as to why you are into modeling and why you post the photos in facebook. I know some young women enjoy that sort of thing, but it also sends the wrong message to some people. I posted them because they were requested by friends. I figured FB was the easiest place to post them so they could see, and also like I said I never bother with blocking anyone from seeing certain things on my profile. I don't see a point to that. I have less than 40 friends, and also have begun adding professional contacts--other photographers. Some of them do more of their networking on FB than on other sites, so having some of my pics up helps in getting offers. It's like a secondary portfolio. I wasn't even going to post any pictures here but since so many misinterpreted my post and ran with it as far as they could, I felt the need to set the record straight.
LoveandSuch Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 It might be possible your bf feels you are not model material, this is not to be rude or mean, but it is a tough field. Not everyone is model material. I honestly do not even see catalog potential. Put energy and money into something that will have a positive outcome and prosperity.
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I actually dated a South Indian guy for a bit. Didn't last too long. He got very clingy. Very clingy. He was talking marriage right out the gate. Everytime we wbtnout on a date he would meet me with a present. Is your guy a Northerner, Southerner, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh background? Just curious really. He was raised Hindu but he's been Atheist for years. Parents don't know about that yet. He's from the western part of the country. Neither north nor south, really.
Pierre Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I posted them because they were requested by friends. I figured FB was the easiest place to post them so they could see, and also like I said I never bother with blocking anyone from seeing certain things on my profile. I don't see a point to that. I have less than 40 friends, and also have begun adding professional contacts--other photographers. Some of them do more of their networking on FB than on other sites, so having some of my pics up helps in getting offers. It's like a secondary portfolio. I wasn't even going to post any pictures here but since so many misinterpreted my post and ran with it as far as they could, I felt the need to set the record straight. I hope you are not paying for the photos and shouting sessions. I hope you have not given money to anyone. Sometimes young women get a bit insecure and this modeling and photos is good for the self esteem. My exwife used to do this before I married her. In the end it was a sign of her low self esteem and I paid for that many years later.
Pierre Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I actually dated a South Indian guy for a bit. Didn't last too long. He got very clingy. Very clingy. He was talking marriage right out the gate. Everytime we wbtnout on a date he would meet me with a present. Is your guy a Northerner, Southerner, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh background? Just curious really. You dumped him because he shower you with presents and was looking for a mate? I don't think so. You dumped the guy because you did not like him. He was clingy because he was inexperienced. He did not know the rule that says one must be a bit hardened and not show emotion.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 He was raised Hindu but he's been Atheist for years. Parents don't know about that yet. He's from the western part of the country. Neither north nor south, really. My ex-dude was of Sikh descent. Only guy I ever dated shorter then me. Well if the relationship doesn't work out, I hope that you get some great meals from it. My spidey-senses tell me it actually could though if there was a little more reach on both sides. He doesn't seem to red flag it as crossing that crazy anger line from what you have written and he seems a little flexible. JMO.
NeoGen85 Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 The immediate problem sounds like an issue of understanding, communication, and compromise on both ends more than any other possible underground reasoning. I agree. When you're dealing with a love one who comes from a different cultural or religious background this is what you deal with. In the United States we tend to believe we're a post-racial society but we're not. People are still naive. I was born into a militant Black Republican family in America with core Christian values. While my ex-girlfriend was the "complete" opposite. But we still had so much in common! The problem is there wasn't enough communication, which led to little understanding, and almost no compromise. It lasted for about a year, and almost 3 months of that was questionable.
Author tigressA Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 I hope you are not paying for the photos and shouting sessions. I hope you have not given money to anyone. Sometimes young women get a bit insecure and this modeling and photos is good for the self esteem. My exwife used to do this before I married her. In the end it was a sign of her low self esteem and I paid for that many years later. I haven't given anyone a single cent. I've only been paying with my time, and getting paid with pictures. The only shoot I'm paying money for is a submission to a national magazine, which is potentially huge exposure that could result in the shoot paying for itself multiple times over. That is worth shelling out some cash for. The guy has multiple tearsheets in his portfolio showing that other people he's shot have made it into this particular publication.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 You dumped him because he shower you with presents and was looking for a mate? I don't think so. You dumped the guy because you did not like him. He was clingy because he was inexperienced. He did not know the rule that says one must be a bit hardened and not show emotion. Sorry for the strange portrait. I think somewhat in point form. I will break each down. He was VERY clingy and it was not from inexperience. He had about ten years on me as well. In hindsight he may have been very clingy because he had spent so much time with only his ex and not developed much for outside friends. He tried to be by my side every single second for close to a month. This was flattering but even for clingy, codependent me it was too much. I tried to negotiate it and he would cry and refuse to listen to what I had to say. I didn't have too much to work with. Plus he was quite insistent on intercourse and marriage very quickly. At the time I had just converted to Mormonism and I never was one to rush into sex period. He put a lot of pressure on me for that and I was 20 out of my first and at that point only significant relationship. I felt guilt breaking up with him. But in hindsight I have no guilt at all. It was a very smothering experience for me. I mentioned the gifts because they stand out to me. It was very unique for a man to bring a gift (and often a card) when he saw men every night. Even if it was just to give me a ride home. The first gift was booze though. In my naive youth I just informed him I was Mormon and "thanks for the thought though." That bottle sat in my parent's closet until last year when we organized their home and gave it to a friend. I think a couple of his cards might still be kicking around. He took a month off of work and went to scream stbthe mountains when we broke up. He would call often. I ended up explaining that I couldn't handle the phone calls and that I didn't want a boyfriend right now. I was actually scared that i might have given up "my prince" because he clearly liked me. Turns out I didn't want a clingy boyfriend. A month later I met my first love. Lasted 2.5 years. And to be honest, one night he started kissing me and pressuring me for sex, then I backed off and he stuck my thumb in his mouth and started sucking on it a bit. I was kinda shocked. I pulled it back and it actually really turned me off. In fact ten years later thinking about it my stomach flip-flopped a little. There, that's my epic.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 BTW, my MO was to date insecure and somewhat emotional/clingy men until I turned 22 and met my husband. Most of my exes were quite unhardened. My h was emotional too but in the way that he seemed happy and fun and carefree. He also listened. Some things change with time and the choices we make.
LoveandSuch Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Has any of these reportedly reputable persons been honest at all with you? Weight? If you are serious, there is alot of work needed. Toning and losing weight would be a first. Stomach and ribcage is on the big bone side. Face average. I do not get it.
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