Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I don't approach a lot of women now days, but its because every time I tried in the last 10 years of my life I just got rejections. I approached girls at school parties, college parties,clubs, bars, the mall, local stores, the street...and it always backfired..I really don't know what it is...I am mature, responsible, never got drunk, never did drugs, respect everybody as long I am respected, I wouldn't say I am a nice guy but definitely not a bad boy type...all my friends already had sex, have girlfriends, and I hear everybody saying that is so easy to get women today, that all you have to do is stand by and wait that they will come running...but not with me...I am not rich( I know that would solve everything but...) I ran out of ideas...right now I don't even bother approaching anymore....but its very frustrating and depressing...what should I do? I'll be 23 in less than a month and never even dated or kissed a woman.
SJC2008 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 First of all you are not alone. There are more people out there than you think in there mid to even late 20's with little or no dating exp. The best advice I can give you is if you meet someone DO NOT TELL THEM you have never had a gf. Women don't like that don't ask me why. Put on your oscar performance and act like you have been there before.
Dust Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Never been kissed eh. Well you’re building it up bigger then it is. Just have fun and stop worrying about crap like this. Enjoy talking to girls you like. Flirt, make them laugh. Enjoy yourself and ask them out then enjoy your date and try holding their hand and then try kissing. Try for once. Having fun is the most important part. So you ready to stop worrying and start living. You know what they say once you stop worrying and just enjoy your life you find everything you want.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Never been kissed eh. Well you’re building it up bigger then it is. Just have fun and stop worrying about crap like this. Enjoy talking to girls you like. Flirt, make them laugh. Enjoy yourself and ask them out then enjoy your date and try holding their hand and then try kissing. Try for once. Having fun is the most important part. So you ready to stop worrying and start living. You know what they say once you stop worrying and just enjoy your life you find everything you want. Agree! I thought I was a loser because I was 16 and hadn't had my first kiss, maybe you are approaching the wrong type of girls? I completly agree with Dust though laugh and BE YOURSELF we say it all the time but it matters. I want a guy to be himself not who he thinks I want him to be. If it makes you feel better I am a 21yr old virgin, so don't fret!
Eddie Edirol Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Have you ever done research on dating dynamics? How womens psychology works when you talk to them?
tonyp56 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I have to agree with Dust... And, another thing, NO one goes without rejections! I mean, think about it, there is about 3 billion women on this planet, if every man never got rejected there wouldn't be enough women for the 3 billion men, LOL... You can bet you will get reject 9 out 10 times easily... Don't give up and keep trying and like Dust said, relax, go have some fun, let em come to you. All you have to do is relax, be yourself and don't worry about em not accepting you. The more relaxed you are the less you are trying it just makes em flock to you... If you are trying too hard, all nervous, it puts a sign on your forehead that says "RUN." LOL Just go out 1 night saying to yourself "I don't want to find any women at all!" Keep telling yourself that until you believe it and about the time you believe it BAM. Just don't give up and learn to relax.
Ginger Beer Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Agree! I thought I was a loser because I was 16 and hadn't had my first kiss, maybe you are approaching the wrong type of girls? I completly agree with Dust though laugh and BE YOURSELF we say it all the time but it matters. I want a guy to be himself not who he thinks I want him to be. If it makes you feel better I am a 21yr old virgin, so don't fret! Is this by choice (if you don't mind me asking)?
somedude81 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 BE YOURSELF LOL, he got to be a 23 year old virgin who never kissed a girl because he was being himself.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Hey, I'm almost 29, and never kissed a girl. You are definitely NOT alone!
Dust Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 LOL, he got to be a 23 year old virgin who never kissed a girl because he was being himself. Is the guy who works in a cubicle and hates his life being himself? People put themselves in boxes all the time out of fear. When I say be yourself I don’t mean keep on being scared. I mean be the person you want to be. Do what comes natural instead of being afraid and unhappy.
Author Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 haha...no not by choice...I approached a good 12...15 women so far...in fact I think I have more rejections than approaches..hahah...I just stopped approaching about 6 months ago because it was really a waste of my time...
somedude81 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Is the guy who works in a cubicle and hates his life being himself? People put themselves in boxes all the time out of fear. When I say be yourself I don’t mean keep on being scared. I mean be the person you want to be. Do what comes natural instead of being afraid and unhappy. Now, that's better advice.
Dust Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 haha...no not by choice...I approached a good 12...15 women so far...in fact I think I have more rejections than approaches..hahah...I just stopped approaching about 6 months ago because it was really a waste of my time... So let me understand your logic you approached 12 maybe 15 women and you gave up for over 6 months? How can you complain if you haven’t tried in 6 months? I mean did you expect a woman to fall out of the sky and for some magical reason be in love with you? I’ve approached over 12-15 women in one night with out breaking a sweat. I mean what’s the big deal of saying “hi” or what ever and having a conversation with some one? If you like them and you’re having fun ask them out. Simply approaching women all stressed out as if you’re doing something torturous then giving up for 6 months is very counterproductive. What’s the point if its so stressful? Have fun, don’t judge yourself on what you think others think.
Asics Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 haha...no not by choice...I approached a good 12...15 women so far...in fact I think I have more rejections than approaches..hahah...I just stopped approaching about 6 months ago because it was really a waste of my time... You're doing it wrong bro. What do you say to them when you approach? Are you using cheesy pick up lines or something?
Dust Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You're doing it wrong bro. What do you say to them when you approach? Are you using cheesy pick up lines or something? I doubt he even asks them out.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I doubt he even asks them out. I've asked out some girls. I've also been too shy to ask out some girls. I've never had any luck. Some guys are just unlucky in love. Going by the OP's picture, he's much better looking than me. I look like a fat Harry Potter. He shouldn't have any trouble, if he keeps at it and doesn't let the rejections bother him.
Dust Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I've asked out some girls. I've also been too shy to ask out some girls. I've never had any luck. Some guys are just unlucky in love. Going by the OP's picture, he's much better looking than me. I look like a fat Harry Potter. He shouldn't have any trouble, if he keeps at it and doesn't let the rejections bother him. If you were fat an ok with it and trying to do something about it like work out and eat healthy you’d already be attractive in my book. If you just feel sorry for yourself and blame everything on luck then you lose. So my point is whether you’re in shape or have a gf, just trying and having a can do attitude already makes you win.
Author Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 No pick up lines at all..." hey.. how are you doing...my name is....." usually goes....maybe I am too respectful....I see other guys treating women like whores...and they get all the attention....maybe what is right is not enough and does not work...
Author Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Its not like i haven't tried in 6 months....I didn't explain it correctly....I did not put a so much effort in approaching during these months as I did in the past....and I see guys at clubs and only some of them approach....none of my buddies approach women and they take one home at least every two weeks...
Author Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 I am most of the times my self...I think honesty is not a virtue....
Professor X Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) Agree! I thought I was a loser because I was 16 and hadn't had my first kiss, maybe you are approaching the wrong type of girls? I completly agree with Dust though laugh and BE YOURSELF we say it all the time but it matters. I want a guy to be himself not who he thinks I want him to be. If it makes you feel better I am a 21yr old virgin, so don't fret! You can't compare cause you made a choice. To the OP, when people tell you to be yourself I think they mean that you should firstly work on your true self, learn to love yourself, value yourself etc, than your true inner self will shine. Right now, being yourself is not the best idea (bitter, sad and all...). Edited August 20, 2011 by Professor X
thelovingkind Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You probably give off, not quite a desperate or creepy vibe, but that slightly "off" vibe you get from people who seem to be trying a little too hard, over-working the conversation a little too much. This stuff is really, really subtle and yet the effect on women is an overpowering "stay away from this one". Only a handful of romantic failures fit the classic dorky, clueless, totally insensitive type. The bigger problem for most people is over-compensating and just giving off that weird sensation of someone who's a little too invested in things. If you feel yourself trying to micro-manage the conversation, working in your lines a little too self-consciously, step back. Just give up. Don't even think about dates, just enjoy talking to people - women, men, hot, ugly, try not to even differentiate them in your mind. Good, relaxed, funny, irreverent conversation is the way to go, every time. Practice it everywhere and sooner or later you will find yourself in the moment with a woman who is interested.
dispatch3d Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I respect everybody. I'd say your lack of acting like a kid has hurt you in the dating world. Seems like the most logical conclusion. I know a lot of the guys I used to live with were awesome with women compared to me. Holy cow they were immature.
dispatch3d Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Its not like i haven't tried in 6 months....I didn't explain it correctly....I did not put a so much effort in approaching during these months as I did in the past....and I see guys at clubs and only some of them approach....none of my buddies approach women and they take one home at least every two weeks... So they never talk to women yet take one home every 2 weeks? Quite the mystical power they have there.
Author Hyperion Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Yes their effort is minimal....the force is strong with them...
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