I can't go up to girls...

[tb24]

I don't know why.

 

Here's what happened tonight:

 

My friend and I went to a bar in town. We were chatting to the barman (who we both went to school with) and 2 girls walked in. One of them smiled at me, I smiled back (I think, I might have pulled a funny face )

 

Anyway, during the course of the evening the girl smiled at me a few times. I know I should have gone over and said hi... but I couldn't. I don't even know why. I'm 100% sure she liked me enough to chat to at least talk to me.

 

The stupid thing is, I went to the toilets and looked in the mirror. I was easily the best dressed and probably best looking guy in the bar (Whether or not this is true doesn't matter... it's how I felt.. also, it wasn't very busy ) yet I still couldn't. So desptite feeling like I was good looking I didn't have the confidence to go up to her.

 

She was quite good looking but nowhere near as attractive as my ex... so it's not like I was even thinking "I could never get a girl like that" because I've been with a prettier girl. The stupid thing is, I'm 25 and I've never approached a girl. All my girlfriends have approached me first. I guess I just don't know how to do it :-\

 

But despite the girl tonight giving me "signals", I couldn't. I didn't know what to say or do.

 

I'm annoyed at myself. Despite the fact she was smiling at me (more than once) and I could feel she was interested I didn't do anything. WHY? What's the worst that could have happened?! The stupid thing is I *know* she found me attractive.

 

Ugh, what do I do? How do I approach a girl who is showing interest in me? More than anything I'm angry at myself.

[Easyguy14]

I don't know why.

 

Here's what happened tonight:

 

My friend and I went to a bar in town. We were chatting to the barman (who we both went to school with) and 2 girls walked in. One of them smiled at me, I smiled back (I think, I might have pulled a funny face )

 

Anyway, during the course of the evening the girl smiled at me a few times. I know I should have gone over and said hi... but I couldn't. I don't even know why. I'm 100% sure she liked me enough to chat to at least talk to me.

 

The stupid thing is, I went to the toilets and looked in the mirror. I was easily the best dressed and probably best looking guy in the bar (Whether or not this is true doesn't matter... it's how I felt.. also, it wasn't very busy ) yet I still couldn't. So desptite feeling like I was good looking I didn't have the confidence to go up to her.

 

She was quite good looking but nowhere near as attractive as my ex... so it's not like I was even thinking "I could never get a girl like that" because I've been with a prettier girl. The stupid thing is, I'm 25 and I've never approached a girl. All my girlfriends have approached me first. I guess I just don't know how to do it :-\

 

But despite the girl tonight giving me "signals", I couldn't. I didn't know what to say or do.

 

I'm annoyed at myself. Despite the fact she was smiling at me (more than once) and I could feel she was interested I didn't do anything. WHY? What's the worst that could have happened?! The stupid thing is I *know* she found me attractive.

 

Ugh, what do I do? How do I approach a girl who is showing interest in me? More than anything I'm angry at myself.

 

if such pretty girls approach you first then you dont need to do anything but look good and stay put. it does amaze me that any woman would want a thing to do with a guy lacking confidence all-around. women often run the other way. I wonder if this is a troll thread.

[Eddie Edirol]

Think of it like this. When you actually DO go up to the woman , talk to her, and shes very receptive, you'll think "That was painless, Why didnt I do this sooner?" Think past the part of approach.

 

It takes a lil getting used to, to approach a woman cold like that, practice. Women are cowards, they'll never do it, so you have to do it for them. They'll look at you forever though.

 

You also have to approach women with ZERO expectations. In fact, if you treat it as funny if she turns up her nose to you when you approach her, you wont embarrased if she does, you'll just think its funny. But if she likes you, well you have a pleasant surprise.

 

You also might not have anything planned to say which builds more fear. If you have a plan of attack, you'll have no problem saying "lets see if this one laughs at this..." You'll be thinking past the approach part and you'll just be looking for the reaction of the line.

[SJC2008]

I don't think it's a troll thread. SOME women apprach men. I've asked a few girls (customers) out at my job so thats a cold asking out if that makes sense but not 100% cold approach because when your helping a customer it's an ice breaker and you can feel each other out. Google eye contact with women and it will pull up tons of info. Don't ever brake eye contact with a woman when you first make eye contact (hard to do with not looking creepy IMO) because supposedly they (subconsciously) see it as a sign of weakness and it turns them off. Walk up to her with a smile and sey hey and introduce yourself. Easier said than done.

[robdrm32]

if such pretty girls approach you first then you dont need to do anything but look good and stay put. it does amaze me that any woman would want a thing to do with a guy lacking confidence all-around. women often run the other way. I wonder if this is a troll thread.

 

ehh i agree that a lack of confidence kills attraction but i dont think this was a troll thread.

 

I have the same problem. i've had so many girls tell me how good looking i am, had more than a few come on to me. I just lack that confidence to start and hold a conversation.

 

Its something you have to work on slowly. Make a comment to a girl at the cash register, and thats that. Get used to talking to and making girls smile.

 

I'm in the process and I can instantly tell when i say something how a girl reacts, whether or not she is interested. And it usually boils down to how smooth/confident i was in saying it.

 

So OP try it yourself. Make sure when/if you say anything you do it with confidence. If your a good-looking guy like you say it really doesn't matter what you say, its how you say it.

 

Its not easy i know, i have good moments then there are times where i think "damn that was lame" but you have to laugh it off and keep taking small steps

[tb24]

It's not a troll thread. Sorry for giving that impression.

 

I do have low self-esteem. The problem is, sometimes I *think* I'm good (or at least ok) looking. I sometimes get signals from girls but I can't go up to them as I never know what I should say... and as soon as I'm talking to someone I *really* worry about my appearance. I don't even know why.

 

My last ex-girlfriend messaged me first on a dating site.

 

My ex before that came up to me in a bar and was quite persistant.

 

They're the only 2 girlfriend's I've ever had. If you read the threads I've posted here, most are about girls who've initiated contact first.

 

On random nights out to clubs I occasionally have girls coming up to me but never know what to say :$ it never goes anywhere... I assume they were hitting on me sometimes but I can't follow up (or initiate) the conversation. I'm very shy

[Nexus One]

You: Hi I'm tb24, what's you're name? *smile*

Her: My name is Noa.

You: Perhaps a very direct question, but are you single? *smile while saying it*

Her: Yes I'm single. (if she says no, you can say something like, Ah tough luck for me, I'll leave it at this then. Have a nice day Noa, *politely smile/laugh it off*)

You: Want to exchange numbers? *then pass her your phone for example, having it already set for her to type her number into it*

 

Now that's more of a (direct) cold approach, but might not be appropriate for a bar setting where socializing is the norm. In that case you will have to strike up a conversation with her and show interest by inquiring about her etc, then maybe later you can ask to exchange numbers.

 

When it comes to cold approaches I prefer it to be direct like this, because there's no bullsh*t involved and it's suitable for situations with very little time.

 

Also when you pass her the phone you can have her type the number directly into it and when she's done and gives back the phone, you press the green call button on your phone to test the number and store it to your called numbers/phone book. (testing in case it's a fake nr or she made a mistake)

Edited August 21, 2011 by Nexus One

[AHardDaysNight]

I have no advice, because I don't get approached. I guess you're better looking than you think you are!