Jack-Torrance Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Hope I've posted this in the right section. My ex girlfriend who I was with for 2 years just can't move on. I left her 1 and a half years ago because of being on the receiving end of all the drama, verbal abuse and stress. She was 46, me 27. Since breaking up I have done the no contact rule thing for the whole period which has helped me move on greatly, I haven't seen her for the whole period, not spoken to or replied to any of her texts (have since changed number) or emails as she's very manipulative and knows how to guilt trip and turn everything around so everything becomes my fault. The problem is she still wont go away and will send emails every 3 weeks or so. She also has borderline personality disorder and would drink up to 10 cans of Fosters every night which made things worse, I suppose I stuck around in the hope that she would change. She now has her daughter coming round knocking my door every month or so now looking through my window and letterbox which I ignore, recently leaving a birthday card with a message inside on behalf of her mum saying she want's me back, loves me, misses me etc with no signs of anger. She lives 15 minutes walking distance from me which doesn't help. I just tore the card and letter up and threw them in the bin because of my commitment to staying no contact, which although was hard at first is very easy now. I've been tempted to break no contact a few times and send her an email telling her to stop contacting me but have read that borderlines can't be reasoned with, will say anything to get you back and can suck you back in if you're not careful. If I see her on the street and she see's me I'll just smile, nod and carry on walking. If this continues do I have a case against her or should I just continue ignoring her in the hope that she'll find her next victim? I don't know how long it will take before she gets bored of her obsessive, stalking crap. I really don't want to message her as this year and a half of no contact has done me good and my life is much better without her in it. Thanks.
Lil1 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Wow Jack what a tough situation to be in especially because she is in such close proximity and it makes it much easier for her to stalk you! It sounds like you know what you are doing though. It's good that you ae maintaining NC and that you realize that she is not good for you. It's very rude and creepy that she is sending her daughter around to spy on you! Next time you see her daughter lurking maybe you could talk some sense into her since her mom is a little nutty. If this stalking behavior escalates then I'd say you definitely have a case for a restraining order or something! I don't think anyone will ever truly be able to 'change' this woman. Given her age and her condition (bpd and alcoholic) the only way she will truly get better is if SHE wants to - she will need to take the initiative to want to change and seek professional help. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay away from her and move on with your life, which of course would be much easier to do if she and her daughter stopped trying to contact you. Keep NC and be safe!
Author Jack-Torrance Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Thanks Lil1:). I think I'll continue what I'm doing as I've come a long way with the NC and don't want to break it. I just wish we weren't living so close, that's what makes it annoying for me and so convenient for her. If she continues this I might consider moving but hopefully it won't come down to that. I pray for the day when I see her with another man.
danceallday Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Whoa! What a messed up story. I am the older woman in a long term relationship that just ended, but I didn't quite flip out like that. Sounds like NC is good, you don't want to give her a reason to stalk you even more. Have you changed your email address? It is easy to block email in gmail. I really feel sorry for her daughter. It isn't her fault that her Mom is a psycho. What a horrible Mother to manipulate her kid like that. She has to find the whole thing humiliating. You may want to keep any other written correspondence and put it in a box somewhere. If she escalates and you need a written order of protection you need to have evidence of harassment. If you get harassing emails you should print those out as well and put them in the box. You need to protect yourself. Good luck.
stronganyway Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I was her. I really was. I wasn't as crazy, and I was kind, but I couldn't get over my ex. Often times us bipolar people have been abused, and from that stems terror of all kinds. Being left is a huge one. She isn't really reacting to you, she is reacting to her fear, her terror that she will never be loved again. That she is undeserving of love. Try to remember that under all the crazy is a woman in a great deal of pain. You can not and should not contact her- your nc is great. My ex ended up meeting another woman and they moved to NM , so I couldn't do anything but cry and be suicidal. Do you know if she's getting therapy? She seriously needs therapy. I don't know what I would do if I were you...but perhaps move and remain unlisted. I am so sorry - and believe me deep down, she is so sorry too- she just isn't there yet, can't see her destruction yet...but one day she will and first, she will have to forgive herself, and she will have a huge OOOOOH moment when she gets how much she hurt you with her behavior. Remember she is sick, but have empathy. Hang in there. Singed, Us Crazies
MidnightinMadrid Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Thanks Lil1:). I think I'll continue what I'm doing as I've come a long way with the NC and don't want to break it. I just wish we weren't living so close, that's what makes it annoying for me and so convenient for her. If she continues this I might consider moving but hopefully it won't come down to that. I pray for the day when I see her with another man. Dont wish that kind of drama on another man! Its good youre doing NC but obviousy she's not getting the hint. You need to fie a restraining order,that womans stalking you big time,you need to take it seriously. First theres the stalking then the gun..get the picture John lennon?
dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I was diagnosed with BPD when I was younger but have received intense therapy since (privately funded, more effective). The obsession is understandable but at 1.5 years she is further down the spectrum then myself comparatively. If you continue to ignore then eventually she will quit. DO NOT CONTACT HER. SHE WILL INTERPRET IT AS: I only have to do this behaviour for 1.5 years until he caves and shows interest. Continue with no contact. Is the daughter reasonable? And yes, you will and do have a case if she has been warned or there can be a legal body that sends a letter to her. Do not personally contact her. At the very least she would keep any note until the end of time. She could and would reflect back on it and have it be very triggering or upsetting. Being left is the worst thing in life for those with BPD. Being in a relationship is almost as bad Sorry that this has disrupted your life and caused you any pain. As someone who has had the full effect of this condition I feel kind of obligated to apologize on her behalf because truly she cannot see the effect it has on her nor does she understand on the forefront why you or anyone else left. She feels like the world craps on her and she can't see the damage that she puts out there. I assure you. Being BPD kind of feels like being the only fat person on the planet even though you eat the same diet and do the same exercise. People don't understand you and judge you because you are not like them and can't seem to get that part of you together. You also know that you aren't like other people and wish someone would understand. You also feel constantly shunned. I am not justifying her actions. I am just saying that her prefrontal cortex isn't fused properly (requires bilateral stimulation, hard to get without diligently searching for it). If the front part of your brain wasn't in working order your picture of the world would be very different.
Author Jack-Torrance Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 Thanks to all who replied and the advice given, I'm still doing no-contact and it feels great. Looks like things haven't worked out with whoever she was/is with because she sent me this at the start of the break up (below) I know you said no emails....F*** wants to sell her Naruto books and i dont know the bestsecond hand book store that would take them....If you could email some that would be great... and yes i have moved on too now and have got a great boyfriend Cheers...and sent me this bizarre message/poem a couple days ago (below). [FONT=Verdana, sans-serif].....This says it all[/FONT] I know I can't take one more step towards you Cause all that's waiting is regret And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most I learned to live, half-alive And now you want me one more time And who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me Who do you think you are? I hear you're asking all around If I am anywhere to be found I have grown too strong To ever fall back in your arms I've learned to live, half-alive Now you want me one more time Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me Who do you think you are? Dear, it took so long Just to feel alright Remember how to put back The light in my eyes I wish I had missed The first time that we kissed 'Cause you broke all your promises And now you're back you don't get to get me back Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me Don't come back at all And who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul Don't come back for me Don't come back at all Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? [FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Goodbye[/FONT] Lol, the classic, ''It's all your fault!''. I've kept all her emails, (too many to count) incase she or her daughter decide to come around again and I have to make a case against her and to remind me why I must stay away from her. I'm thinking about moving.
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