Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 So I have seen this guy about 7 times in the last few weeks. Our dates have lasted 5-8 hours each. He owns 3 stores, and he has brought me to all of them, introducing me to his employees. He brought me to his best friend's house, and I met him and his girlfriend. He also brought me to his gym, and I met the owner. This weekend he suggested we go on a trip together, which is awesome but another reason for me not to see his apt. He has asked to see my apt a few times, but because he hasn't invited me to his, I always say my place is too dirty or something. He walks me to my door though I have never invited him in. I've never dated a guy so many times w/out him offering to cook for me, or to watch a movie at his apartment. Am I being paranoid? Is it normal he's waiting so long to bring me to his apartment?
vsmini Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Seems a little strange. Bring it up and ask if you guys can hang out at his apartment. You should be seeing his apartment sometime soon though. Not to be a downer but you don't want to find out 3 months from now he's got his own wife and kids living in there.
Conscience Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Take the matter in your own hands where in 2011! He's not solely responsible for where this relasionship goes you can initiate too ...
Audrina Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I'm going to chime in here and give you a little different opinion. Firstly, yes, this would make me suspicious. But I have to say, I'm dealing with the same thing but in a long distance relationship. In my boyfriend's situation his house is in a disgusting state and he's been too embarrassed to bring anyone over to his place for several years. It's not up to him to clean it, his parents, who are hoarders, hold the title the house and every time he's threatened to clean it, they have threatened to kick him out. He's now in the process of moving, so I can go visit him, but he says that it's too much for him to deal with to bring me there. For him, as a man, he feels that he should be able to show me that he could provide me with a good home, things that aren't falling apart and a home that isn't littered with clutter. He's also told me that it causes him a HUGE amount of anxiety to bring anyone over to his house and hasn't even allowed friends in in several years. All of this I've been able to confirm this with his friends and have no reason to doubt what he says as the truth. Additionally, this is something that he's working on changing. Have you asked him why he hasn't invited you over? I would start there.
Mr. Slim Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 It's only been a few weeks... what's the big deal? Maybe he hasn't had time lately to give it a decent cleaning. No woman will see mine until that has been done. Or maybe there simply isn't anything to do there and he'd rather take you on a proper date. Sounds like you're looking for trouble where there is none.
FitChick Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Almost sounds a bit like the film An Education, starring Peter Sarsgaard, Carey Mulligan and Alfred Molina, based on a true story, which makes it a bit more unsettling. Woman dated a man, hung out with his friends, went away for weekends, and he finally proposed. Turns out he was already married and made a habit of doing this. It should be easy enough to google him to look for divorce or marriage records. There might also be newspaper articles about him and his stores. Ask him about kids and exes. How did he introduce you to his employees? Maybe they think it was a business meeting or you were a vendor. It could also be that he is a bit old fashioned and the first time you have sex, he wants it to be a romantic weekend away.
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 It's only been a few weeks... what's the big deal? Maybe he hasn't had time lately to give it a decent cleaning. No woman will see mine until that has been done. Or maybe there simply isn't anything to do there and he'd rather take you on a proper date. Sounds like you're looking for trouble where there is none. The big deal is: - he DRIVES to me. It's a 45-60 min drive, and he offers to drive every time. Only one time did he allow me to drive to him, and that was only half way. He says he feels bad and doesn't want me to drive, but, being suspicious, it could be his way of getting out of his town and me never seeing where he lives. -he took me to his store which was 2 blocks away from his apt. Why wouldn't he stop by his apt to show me if he showed me his store? -he has made at least 4 comments about coming inside my apartment, or even sleeping over! -most guys offer to cook or watch a movie at their place, and he has not, though he has bragged about what a great cook he is.... -he said he is looking for a new place to live because his current townhouse is "crappy." He drives a $135k porsche and owns an airplane, so it doesn't make sense why his apt would be crappy. He also knows where I live and it's not fancy by any means. He even said, "Why did you move here? I would think you could afford a nicer area..." So, I am not looking for trouble. My gut says SOMETHING IN THE SOUP AIN'T RIGHT.
vsmini Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Don't go away on a trip with him so soon. If he tells you it's to Aruba then it's time to run for the hills. Srsly - ask him about the apartment and that you want to come over. Who knows - he might even be doing the same thing you're doing and not letting you in because you haven't let him in.
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Almost sounds a bit like the film An Education, starring Peter Sarsgaard, Carey Mulligan and Alfred Molina, based on a true story, which makes it a bit more unsettling. Woman dated a man, hung out with his friends, went away for weekends, and he finally proposed. Turns out he was already married and made a habit of doing this. It should be easy enough to google him to look for divorce or marriage records. There might also be newspaper articles about him and his stores. Ask him about kids and exes. How did he introduce you to his employees? Maybe they think it was a business meeting or you were a vendor. It could also be that he is a bit old fashioned and the first time you have sex, he wants it to be a romantic weekend away. Nothing comes up on google about his divorce. Only thing about his stores is that there's an article from a year ago that shows him and his wife in his store, but he says they got divorced a year ago... He introduced me to his employees by just saying my name. He said he wants to wait a long time before we have sex..i told him my birthday is in November and he said that'd be a good time to do it. WTH???????
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Don't go away on a trip with him so soon. If he tells you it's to Aruba then it's time to run for the hills. Srsly - ask him about the apartment and that you want to come over. Who knows - he might even be doing the same thing you're doing and not letting you in because you haven't let him in. LOL @ Aruba. I just told him he will see my apt when I see his and I dont want to take a trip w him before seeing his apt. Nothing good comes from men not bringing you home.
Olive42 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Nothing comes up on google about his divorce. Only thing about his stores is that there's an article from a year ago that shows him and his wife in his store, but he says they got divorced a year ago... He introduced me to his employees by just saying my name. He said he wants to wait a long time before we have sex..i told him my birthday is in November and he said that'd be a good time to do it. WTH??????? Do you know his wife's name? Their divorce papers should come up in a google search.
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Do you know his wife's name? Their divorce papers should come up in a google search. Yes I know his wife's name and nothing comes up about their divorce.
grkBoy Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I have a feeling things aren't totally finished with the wife. Maybe he's not having "relations" with her, but she might still be living there and he has to deal with it until certain things happen. OR The place was decorated by his wife and he wants to get his own spot and not have his past in with a new girl. OR He's cautious and wants to take things slower than you do. I guess if he just wanted to use you, then he would have been trying to lay you long ago. The fact he wants to wait on sex is what makes me think something else is at play here.
Olive42 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Yes I know his wife's name and nothing comes up about their divorce. I suppose it could depend on what state you live in (not sure if everyone has the same laws and procedures)....but I find that very odd. If you know what state they divorced in, or better yet what court would have the divorce papers, I would recommend doing a more targeted internet search, just to double check. This situation seems really shady.
zengirl Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Seems weird, though it's not damning by itself. . . just the whole context and description of it feels . . . off. If your gut is generally reliable, I'd trust it, and say, yup: something's fishy. Proceed with caution, if at all.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I've never dated a guy so many times w/out him offering to cook for me, or to watch a movie at his apartment. Am I being paranoid? Is it normal he's waiting so long to bring me to his apartment? LOL. Women these days My guess is that he hasn't brought you to his apartment because he's afraid you would refuse the invitation, just like you refused to let him in your apartment (since inviting someone over usually implies having sex, and perhaps he thinks that you are not ready for that yet). In any event, the guy seems rather odd. Extra long dates, introducing you to his employees and the gym owner?? A bit much, I would say. But if you like his money...I mean him, why not invite him to your place first? Who cares if he sees your place before you see his? Or do you suspect that his place is not as nice as he has lead you to believe?
Author Chitowngirl Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 LOL. Women these days My guess is that he hasn't brought you to his apartment because he's afraid you would refuse the invitation, just like you refused to let him in your apartment (since inviting someone over usually implies having sex, and perhaps he thinks that you are not ready for that yet). In any event, the guy seems rather odd. Extra long dates, introducing you to his employees and the gym owner?? A bit much, I would say. But if you like his money...I mean him, why not invite him to your place first? Who cares if he sees your place before you see his? Or do you suspect that his place is not as nice as he has lead you to believe? Someone is bitter. Turns out he is living with a male roommate in a townhouse. He was embarrassed. He is not divorced like he said, but only separated. My gut was correct.
FitChick Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Avoid separated men like the plague. They just want to play and I can't blame them, but I certainly don't date them. Of course, if you are only looking for an affair it would be okay. Of course "separated" could just mean his wife isn't in the same room while he's talking to you.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I bet good money he's full-on married. Sounds like the EXACT same story that found me dating a married man for 6 months without my knowledge. Gawd, I was so stupid.
musemaj11 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 You just gotta mention that he has three stores, an airplane, and a $130,000 porsche, dont you?
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